<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Don't Leave by supremeleaderben</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23562025">Don't Leave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremeleaderben/pseuds/supremeleaderben'>supremeleaderben</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Slow Burn, Touch-Starved, Virgin Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:42:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23562025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremeleaderben/pseuds/supremeleaderben</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(CURRENTLY ON HOLD)</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo is still training at the Luke's Jedi Academy when you first meet him.</p><p>Something, some sort of connection, immediately brings the two of you together. A feeling that you have never experienced, and you want to believe that Ben hasn't either.</p><p>You two grow together, more in love as each moment passes, leaving behind the past at each chance you get.</p><p>Being torn between the light and dark is something that you two have in common, allowing each fleeting moment to take you in a new direction. </p><p>(A happy/sad love story where the Reader won't betray Ben/Kylo).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Solo &amp; You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren &amp; You, Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ahh, okay. </p><p>This is my first time writing fan fiction (if you don't count the fan fiction I wrote at the ripe age of 12).</p><p>I tend to read extremely long fan fiction, and I have every intention for this to be quite lengthy considering all I have planned for it. However, I've been writing around 5,000 or so words a day, and with quarantine going on I imagine I'll keep up the pace to something around that as well.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>The grass is wet below your feet as you begin walking towards the direction you were given. There are few lights to be seen but a few scattered around enough for you to be able to make out the path you were supposed to be going on. The walk felt never ending – your nerves catching up to you with every stride you take. </p><p>“You must be (y/n)?” A dark husky voice came from behind you. </p><p>It’s late in the evening and you had just arrived at the Jedi Temple after a long trip there with Luke Skywalker. Wait, how is this even real, a trip with “the” Luke Skywalker. You knew how it was real, but it wasn’t something you were going to think about quite yet.</p><p>You turn abruptly to meet the voice, and you were taken aback by the mere size of this man.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, that’s my name.” You manage to spit out whilst taking in just how small you look compared to this man. You were curious if all up-and-coming Jedi looked this intimidating. Probably, you decided. </p><p>“Good. It would be kind of weird if it wasn’t.” Now that you can take him in, he’s quite a bit taller than you, his face is dotted with freckles, and he’s got maybe some of the best hair you’ve ever seen. Your mind is so far off in its own world that you chuckle to yourself. This man shifts himself to get a bit more in your line of vision and gives you a look of curiosity.</p><p>“What’s funny?”</p><p>“Sorry, I’ve just been on quite possibly the longest and most boring trip of my life. And I was merely laughing because in my years of living, I don’t think I’ve ever seen hair as good as yours,” you can feel your cheeks turn red as the embarrassment hits you that you actually said that out loud, “and you’re like gigantically tall, which, to me, makes your nice hair funnier.” You let out a light laugh when you tilt your head up to see him move his hands to be pushing his hair from around his face to behind his ears, his cheeks are also turning a light shade of red.</p><p>“Oh? Well, that’s a new one.” He sounded defeated, his eyes shifting to the ground.</p><p>“I’m sorry?” you’re confused by his tone, “What do you mean by ‘new one’?”</p><p>“Most the time people here just make fun of me for my devotion to learning or because of my family. Being made fun of for my looks, that’s a new one.”  His voice waivers when he says this.</p><p>Oh. Oh shit. You didn’t mean to make him feel small, but you could tell that for whatever reason, your words cut him down. A feeling you were all too familiar with.</p><p>“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I wasn’t’ making fun of you, or your looks,” you sigh, “that’s for sure.” You take a step back as the tension between the two of you grows.<br/>
“I don’t even know who your family is, so I quite frankly can’t make fun of you for that. I just got here, so you may be a nerd, but I wouldn’t know that either.” You tilt your head down so you don’t have to look him in the eyes, “but I can promise you, making fun of your looks was definitely not what I was doing.”</p><p>You twiddle your fingers as you wait for some kind of response.</p><p>His response is lower, even though you weren’t sure how his voice could’ve gotten lower.</p><p>“You aren’t like everyone else here,” he takes a step towards you and he’s radiating a warmth that wasn’t there before, his voice is brighter when the next words leave his breath, “don’t worry, I’m not either.” </p><p>You are startled by this interaction. Does he know your past? You doubt it, you come from nothing, you come from absolutely nothing. You start getting uncomfortable, your brain rethinking the past few weeks over again,<br/>
“I’m going to find my hut,” you shake your head trying to not get stuck in the past, “but it was nice meeting you --- ” you stop, trying to recall if he has told you what his name was. You were pretty sure he hadn’t. </p><p>You were already walking away from him, your breathing becoming a bit labored, knowing you were on the verge of having a panic attack just from the mere thought of anyone here knowing what your past entailed. </p><p>“My name is Ben!” his deep voice echoed through your head as you picked up the pace to get to your hut. </p><p>The trip there seemed to take forever. The ground was nothing but mud, as it had seemingly rained before you got there. You were following the path Luke had pointed you on when you got off his ship, rocks trailing the edges to define the path from the grass on the other side of the rocks. You started to count the rocks to try and calm yourself,</p><p>“1…2…3…4…5…” you continue this until you get to 107, there you turn and see the hut with a small sign placed beside the door with your name inscribed into it. </p><p>Your hands are noticeably shaking when you try and fiddle with the door to open it, after a few moments the door finally opens up. You take in the hut – the floor covered in dust and dirt, the bed was small and kind of musty, but there was a small nightstand next to your bed, and for whatever reason that piece of furniture made this small-musty hut more of a home than any you had ever had before.</p><p>As you throw your belongings onto the floor you slowly peel away the layers you were wearing as they are slowly making you feel like you’re suffocating. Once you’ve managed to take off a few layers you fall back onto your mattress and it all hits you at once. The feeling of not being able to breathe, your chest feeling tighter and tighter as you lay there, you decide to close your eyes to focus on your breath.</p><p>“I’m not dying,” you say to reassure yourself, “this will pass, just like everything else.”<br/>
“This will pass, just like everything else…”<br/>
You repeat this to yourself until you can feel your chest ease up, your breathing is becoming stable, and now your eyes are getting exceedingly heavy.<br/>
Your mind drifts itself back to Ben – wondering if it was even possible for him to know what you had been through, if he didn’t, what could he possibly mean by, “You aren’t like everyone else here,”?<br/>
You let out a sigh and let yourself drift to sleep.</p><p>		------<br/>
“(y/n)!” an all too familiar voice is yelling out.</p><p>			You’re running as fast as you can, trying to reach the voice. </p><p>“Lyra! I’m coming!” You meet her eyes, but it’s too late, he already has his hand around her throat. “Stop!” you squeal, tears threatening to start falling down your face.<br/>
------</p><p>You wake up with tears lightly falling down your face, your pillow is damp from the tears falling off your face. You take a moment to recollect yourself. Curious as to what time it is, you slowly stand up. You immediately get lightheaded, knowing you stood up too fast you sit down for a moment to collect yourself.</p><p>“No,” you say firmly to yourself, “I will not let this to continue to affect me.” You wipe away the last few remaining tears and straighten up your back to give yourself some power. You slowly stand up this time, ensuring you won’t get lightheaded. As you open the door slightly you notice that the sun is slowly starting to rise.</p><p>You close the door back and decide to get ready for the day ahead, knowing that Luke had told you your days would be long and packed with various activities from studying texts, meditating, to combat training. </p><p>You dumped your bag of belongings onto the bed, with just a few articles of clothing and a book falling out onto the bed. This was all you had, these three shirts and two pairs of pants and your favorite book of poetry – it’s all you had left. You sigh, and slip into a t-shirt and sweatpants, knowing if you had to endure combat training, you would at least want to be comfortable. </p><p>After folding up your clothes and placing them into the drawer of the nightstand by your bed, you sit down on the bed to tie your shoes. The sun is slowing begging to peek through the cracks of stone in your hut, you take that as an indicator that it would be an appropriate time to try and find where you were supposed to be going.</p><p>You close up your door and begin walking the way you came from last night.,</p><p> “Hey!” shit, you scoff, knowing immediately who’s deep voice that was., “Hey, (y/n), you’re going the wrong way.”</p><p>You stop in your tracks and turn around,</p><p>“No, really. Breakfast is this way, if you keep going that way, you’re just going to go back to Luke’s ship.”</p><p>You look up at him, and you are taken aback by his looks. Sure, you thought he looked attractive last night, but here you are in the early morning sunlight and his skin is glistening under the sun. His freckles are more prominent in the light as well, but his hair is exceedingly dark. It wasn’t obvious just how black his hair was the night before, but his hair, which curled slightly around the frame of his face, felt like the sun wasn’t even touching it. </p><p>“Oh,” you blush as you notice he sees you staring at him, “guess I’ll follow you. If that is okay?”</p><p>He walks towards you, smiling slightly as he approaches you, “Yeah, of course, come on.” he says as he gestures his hand out for you to walk with him, you follow in stride beside him.</p><p>“You were upset last night,” he looks at you as your walking back towards the direction of your hut, “did I cause that?” </p><p>“No, uh, I mean,” you aren’t really sure how to answer him. He didn’t cause what happened to you to make you upset, just his words were so confusing to you, nearly scary, ‘You aren’t like everyone else here,’ you hear him say again. You realize you haven’t answered him, “No, you didn’t upset me.” You manage to get out.</p><p>Ben looks at you, questioning, “You don’t have to talk now (y/n), but if you need to talk about whatever is going on in there,” he taps your head, “just know, I’m probably the only one here that’ll actually listen.” His eyes look sad, as if he can feel your anxiety, as if he truly does understand what you’re feeling.</p><p>“Thanks Ben,” you try and say with a smile on your face, he has been nothing but nice to you since you stepped foot here not even twelve hours ago, so you decide to try and be nice back. “Is the food good here?”</p><p>Ben laughs out loud, with a small smile left behind once he stops laughing, “Unless you find rations good, no, the food here is quite possibly the second worst thing here.” </p><p>You laugh, taking in how beautiful his deep laugh and smile are, but then your brain stops on something he says, “Second worst?” you say with genuine curiosity. </p><p>“I’ll tell you what the first worst thing is eventually, maybe.” He stops and looks at you, his emotions not being able to be read clearly, “But for now, let’s go eat. I’m sure your day is going to be packed considering it’s your first day here.” </p><p>As you walk into the area with food, you grab your rations and try and find Ben, yet he is nowhere to be found. Looking around you notice just how many people are in here, mostly children, however there are some who are older like you are. After scanning around you notice an empty table to your left and decide to grab it in hopes that you’ll be left alone. </p><p>You’ve never been a people person, they’ve done nothing but disappoint you, so acquiring any sort of relationship was not what you wanted whilst here training. You take a bite of your bread and cough when you don’t account for how dry it was going to be. You laugh under your breath thinking about Ben telling you the food was terrible – he wasn’t wrong. </p><p>Then your brain stays thinking about Ben. You’ve never wanted to even talk to other people, let alone form any type of relationship with them, yet Ben feels different. It feels like he actually understands you – even though there is no way he could, especially since he is here. Plus, you find him attractive – that was new. The only man who was ever in your life treated you like a speck of dust - worthless. Leading to most of the time when you used to venture into town any glances you may have received made you feel like your skin was crawling. Yet, the way Ben looks at you makes you feel intrigued, wanting to reach out to learn all about him. You sighed as you continued to eat the food set out before you.</p><p>“You must be (y/n)?” a feminine voice hums to the side of you, </p><p>“Of course, she’s (y/n), we know everyone else here.” A deeper voice said beside the other one,</p><p>“I saw her walking with Ben this morning,” the feminine voice speaks softer but still loud enough for you to hear, it’s as if they weren’t really acknowledging you sitting there,</p><p>“Oh, is that so,” the deeper voice gets closer, his hand now placed beside you, as he sits down, “If you want to be anything around here,” he gestures around the mess hal, “you should stay away from him.” He practically hums the words into your ears.</p><p>“Yeah,” the girl now sits on the other side of me, “he’s a real loser.” She laughs, “Truly sad, considering his family.” </p><p>“I mean,” he scoffs, “how much of a loser do you have to be to still suck even when your uncle runs this place?” He laughs, his words though had no faltering – indicating you were supposed to take them as truth.</p><p>“Hey,” You hear Ben approach from behind, “I understand you don’t like me, but you can leave (y/n) out of that. She hasn’t even been here for a day yet.” </p><p>They continue arguing for what feels like hours. Everyone talking around you makes you feel like they are all ignoring that you even exist. Your head starts spinning as you feel yourself getting irritated. You feel your heart rate climb as you face gets red from frustration, “You know I’m right here,” you spit out.</p><p>All three of them turn their attention to you, “And for your information – I can make my own decision as to who I want to be seen around with. Quite frankly,” you point you fingers at the two sitting beside you, “your opinions don’t matter to me. You both seem like assholes.” You grab your tray and get up, slamming the chair in to the table as you dart towards the trashcan. Your face only getting hotter, you can feel the anger prickling your skin, inviting you to act upon that anger. After you dump your tray you rush outside to get a breath of fresh air before you do act upon that anger. </p><p>As you pace back and forth you can feel Ben’s energy as he approaches. Warm – just like it was last night. </p><p>“Hey,” he walks slowly towards you, “are you okay?” he says quietly.</p><p>“I’m tired of everyone always talking over me as if I don’t even exist.” You stop pacing, and look directly at him, “we’re adults, this shouldn’t still be a fucking issue.” You dig your fingers into your thighs, trying to soothe your frustration by harming yourself. </p><p>Ben peers down and sees your fingers, he walks over slowly and grabs your hands from your thighs and pulls them up to his face.</p><p>“Hit me.” He says, staring directly into your eyes.</p><p>You step back, his hands are still gripping yours, causing you to not be able to move.</p><p>“Ben,” you say confused, “why would I do that?” </p><p>He continues keeping eye contact, staring more intently than before, “(y/n), I know what you’re feeling. Just hit me.” He slowly released the grip on your hands, “it’s better than doing that to yourself,” he gestures towards your thighs with his head.</p><p>You just stare at him, in shock, maybe, confused at what to do. Your anger is starting to fade as confusion begins to take its place.</p><p>“Ben, I can’t hit you.” </p><p>“Are you sure?” he says in an almost playful voice.</p><p>“Yeah,” you take a deep breath, feeling the last amount of anger leave your skin, “I don’t think I want to be known as the girl who shows up and kicks Master Luke’s nephew’s ass.” You laugh, but he doesn’t. His eyes staying fixated on you.</p><p>“Oh,” he says, “So, you know who my family is now.” This wasn’t a question though.</p><p>“Yeah, but I don’t care?” he finally releases your hands completely, “Ben, hey, just because Luke is your uncle doesn’t mean I’m going to treat you any different, okay?” you grab back at his hands as you can tell he is getting physically uncomfortable.</p><p>Kids start to leave the mess hall; you assume to head to their first thing of the day. Some would give a glance over at us, however, most eyes would quickly look back in front of them once seeing Ben.</p><p>“Hey Ben,” you step in just a bit closer, “Hey,” you wave your hand in front of his face, a small smile comes across his face, he finally exhales a breath it seemed he had been holding for minutes, “Hey, can you either walk me to meditation or point me in the direction I need to go?” </p><p>“Meditation, huh?” he kicks the dirt under his feet, you shake your head ‘yes’, “That’s funny, that’s where I’m going – so let’s go.” He grabs your hand to essentially drag you along with him considering your small legs cannot match his long strides,</p><p>“Hey,” you’re laughing as you stumble around behind him, trying to keep up, but your smacking his hand that is holding yours so that you can walk at your own pace, “please?” you smack his hand again.</p><p>He lets out a playful groan and let’s go of your hand, then turns around to face you. His face somber, “I’m sorry I got defensive about Luke, it’s a…” he trails off as he turns around to continue walking, you pick up the pace to get closer to him, “it’s a touchy subject, that’s all.” </p><p>You look at him, understanding of the fact that family can be an incredible touchy subject, “It’s okay,” you look in front of you, noticing the group of other students sitting already in a meditation position, “I’m sorry I acted so crazy earlier.” </p><p>Ben grabs your arm and stops you dead in your tracks, almost making you fall over, “You aren’t crazy.” He looks at you intensely, “Please do not apologize for that.”<br/>
There was something intense about his emotion, however it was hard for you to read. He let go of your arm and walked in front of you to take a place to meditate. </p><p>Some of the students are laughing in your direction, acknowledging yours and Ben’s conversation. You place your eyes on the ground and walk over to find a place to sit as well. </p><p> </p><p>Meditation took up a good three hours of your morning. Meditation also wasn’t something that came easy to you. You mind tended to wander, thinking of all the bad in your life, making the anger prickle your skin ever so slightly. But it isn’t like you could just get up and leave, you were there for a purpose, and you had to follow through with that purpose.</p><p>After meditation was over you had thirty minutes before needing to be at combat class, wherever that was. You looked around, finding Ben’s eyes also looking at you. </p><p>You wave at him, and he just continues to stare at you, the students around you start to whisper, laughing in your direction. Thankfully, meditating allowed you to feel closer to the light side of the force, though you felt the anger prickle your skin, it was easier to allow it to just flow off of you and not let it consume you. </p><p>Ben stands up and starts walking to you, as he gets closer the whispers and laughing seemingly get worse. You can see it in his face, the look of belittlement, as if this is what he dealt with every day of his life – feeling small. </p><p>“(y/n),” he talks quietly as he sits beside me, “it would probably be easier for you to adjust to life here at the temple if you weren’t friends with me.” His eyes drift to the other students standing around.</p><p>Your eyes follow his, knowing he means that the “bullying” wouldn’t stop until you stopped talking to him. The laughing behind your back and some vague snide comments you could hear was nothing compared to what you dealt with growing up. </p><p>You laugh, “Ben, this is nothing,” you straighten yourself up, “seriously, I don’t think anything they say or do will make me not want to be your friend.” </p><p>You look down and notice Ben is digging his fingers into his thighs, but then he notices that you see him doing it and he slowly eases his hands away from his thighs and just places them in front of his knees. </p><p>“(y/n), really, I don’t want you to have to deal with them.” You can tell he is trying to help you by isolating himself,</p><p>“You need someone to go through it with you,” you look at him, “and if I’m here, then you won’t be alone when dealing with them.” You gesture to the few students still standing around. </p><p>It as if you can feel the tension leave Ben’s body, as if being alone was something he knew all too well. </p><p>“Hey!” you change the subject to lighten the mood, “What do you have scheduled next?” </p><p>He looks at you softly, “Combat training, but not for another twenty or so minutes.” </p><p>You smile, glad that you won’t have to go to combat training alone.</p><p>“Why are you smiling?” Ben asks.</p><p>“I guess we have the same schedule!” you exclaim. Ben looks at you taken back by your excitement.</p><p>“Oh! You have combat training with me?” Ben’s face turns mischievous, “I hope you’re ready to lose.” He stares at you intensely.</p><p>His mood shift almost gives you a whiplash, but you don’t really mind it. “Huh, I’d like to see you try.” You laugh as you lay back into the grass where you have been sitting.</p><p>The sky was beautiful here, stunning really. The clouds were large and the sky was a deep blue.<br/>
You could feel Ben staring at you as you took in the beauty of the nature around the two of you.</p><p>“(y/n), have you never seen the sky before?” Ben said, partially playful but also in a curious tone.</p><p>“Yeah, but never for this long.” You closed your eyes, taking in the heat of the sun hitting your face.</p><p>You could feel Ben lay back beside you, you peaked over and he was staring up at the sky too. You counted the freckles on his face, tracing the outline of his face in your mind, he slowly turned to look at you. </p><p>“We should get going to combat, Luke doesn’t like it when students are late.” He shuffles himself upright, now standing above you, holding a hand out to help you up. You take it and he pulls you up beside him. </p><p>“Oh, does Luke teach combat?” You ask questionably. </p><p>“Yeah,” his eyes fall to the ground where you were just laying, “but I wouldn’t really call it teaching.” </p><p>You drop the subject, knowing that Luke is a sensitive topic for him.</p><p>“Ben.” Luke’s voice echoes through your ears as you two approach. You look up to find Luke’s eyeing the two of you walking together. Something about his lingering stare reminds you of the skin crawling feeling that every other man has made you feel your entire life.</p><p>“Yes, Master?” Ben looks at him back, nervously.</p><p>“I see you’ve met (y/n),” Luke never takes his eyes off of you, making you feel more and more repulsed as the seconds go by, finally his eyes shift back to Ben, “Can you take her over there,” Luke points just a bit past where everyone else is training, “and catch her up. She’s going to be a bit behind. But I can sense that she will be a fast learner.” </p><p>You look over at Ben who looks confused, but just nods his head as he starts walking towards the area Luke pointed at. </p><p>“Okay, (y/n), have you ever trained in any combat?”</p><p>You brain thinks of all the times you fought for your life at the hands of your parents, pushing them off of you…. “Um, I wouldn’t say trained, no.”</p><p>“That’s okay, we can start now.” Ben tosses you a wooden staff and you catch it. </p><p>The next two hours are spent with Ben yelling commands at you as you lunge at him and attempt to parry when he comes in your direction. Ben’s energy is completely different here, as if he is actually out to seek harm, however, you can tell he would never purposely cause you harm.</p><p>You decide to let yourself let go a little bit so you can attempt to get back at him.<br/>
You take a few deep breaths and let the energy of the force come over you. You can feel the energy radiating off of your skin, and it almost seems like Ben can too. He immediately looks you over as if he is in in shock, however, he doesn’t let that stray his attention for long. He immediately lunges at you, and you successfully parry and manage to knock Ben’s legs from under him with a swift hit with your staff. Ben looks up at you as you have your staff just a few inches from his chest. His breathing is labored, chest puffing up and down, however he can’t stop staring at you. </p><p>It hits you all at once, it’s like you were watching yourself just do that, and then you realize you just hit Ben with the staff – and not softly either. You scramble back and drop the staff.<br/>
“Oh shit!” you say, still scrambling around trying to think of what to do or say, however his eyes never leave you, “I’m so sorry Ben, I… I didn’t mean hit you that hard.”</p><p>Ben laughs, finally relaxing himself, you can feel his breathing slowly even out and he looks at you with softer eyes as he slowly pushes himself up. </p><p>“Damn, I didn’t expect you to hit me.” He smirks, “But I’m glad to know where the baseline is for our next training.” He looks at you playfully.</p><p>You don’t know how to react. You thought you had actually hurt him, however he stands up without issue and you exhale knowing you didn’t do any real harm. </p><p>“I’m assuming you have the rest of the evening to study texts and dinner of course?” he says as he pats the dirt off of his pants.</p><p>All you manage to do is shake your head yes, not really knowing what to say to him.</p><p>“Hey, (y/n), you only did what was expected of you. I’m not mad, or even hurt.” He noticed your uncomfort, “maybe my ego is hurt, but I’m fine.” He laughs, his tone completely playful.</p><p>You notice Luke looking over, and wonder if he’s been watching the two of you this whole time.</p><p>You two start walking away when Luke stops the two of you.</p><p>“Ben, I need to talk to you.” He then looks over at you, “you’re dismissed.”</p><p>You glance over at Ben, worried, hoping he isn’t in trouble. “Yes, Master.” </p><p>You walk back towards the mess hall as you had noticed earlier that there were some tables near there where you could sit and read the texts and study. </p><p>As you walk your mind is consumed by Ben. Everything about him is enticing – his looks, his mood shifts, the way he looks at you, the way he laughs, his smile, the way that you feel like he understands you even though he couldn’t. You feel so strange. These feelings are all so new, however, they were completely overwhelming. </p><p>As you sat down at the table furthest from other students you pulled a book from your satchel and began to stare at it. You quickly realized that you weren’t going to be able to focus on what you were reading until you knew Ben was okay.</p><p>Just because his uncle was Luke Skywalker didn’t mean that Luke couldn’t be a bad guy. Family can seem perfect to outsiders and be a complete disaster to the ones they are supposed to love. You knew this. And the idea of Luke being a bad guy made you recall something Ben had said this morning. “I’ll tell you what the first worst thing is,” Maybe he meant Luke, that made sense to you considering the way he reacts to just the mere mention of him.</p><p>You continue staring at the book when you feel Ben’s energy get closer to you, you look up at see him already eying you. However, his mood is hard to read.<br/>
Wait. You realize that Luke knows the reason you’re there, he knows what you’ve done, he knows the dark energy that flows through you – would he tell Ben? To warn him? To tell him to keep his distance?</p><p>You instantly feel restless, and like you just want to run away. Your breathing becomes labored; you feel like you could pass out.</p><p>“(y/n)?” Ben says frantically, and concerned.</p><p>You just know, you know he knows.</p><p>“You know.” You just stare at him, trying to catch your breath. Your own voice sounding echoed and far away.</p><p>He grabs your hands which were already making their way down to your thighs. “No, I told you not to do that.” He places your hands on his knees as he sits down beside you.</p><p>“I told you I’m not like everyone else here either,” his face was emotionless, but he said it quietly so that the chance of any person passing and hearing it was slim.</p><p>“Ben, I ---“ the tears start streaming down your face. The first person you’ve ever wanted to care about, and now they know everything. </p><p>He grips your hands tight on his knees and raises one hand up to wipe the tears from your face, “Luke didn’t tell me everything, (y/n), he wanted you to do that.” </p><p>You stare at him, somewhat relieved but also in disbelief that Luke would want you talking about your past.</p><p>“(y/n), Luke only told me because we have more in common than you probably think.” His eyes drift elsewhere, not looking at you directly, “The dark, I feel it too. Calling to me constantly. I have nightmares that keep me from sleeping. I felt it in you the moment I saw you.” He grabbed your chin to pull your face up so you would look at him, “It doesn’t scare me. You don’t scare me. And you can tell me your story when you please, but know, I’m always here, and I really do listen.”  </p><p>You stare at him like he has three heads. Did he just say he also felt the dark in him? That doesn’t make any sense. His uncle is “the” Luke Skywalker – a Jedi – how could Ben feel the dark in him?</p><p>You can feel his eyes staring at you, waiting for you to respond in some way.<br/>
“I, uh,” you stammer out, “I – I don’t think I can talk about it yet.” You feel your eyes getting wet with tears again.</p><p>“That’s okay.” Ben lets go of your hands as he feels you easing up, “whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. But (y/n),” he looks at you, “just know, I really do understand what you’re feeling. And you can talk to me about those things. But everyone else,” he motions to the students sitting at the tables near yours, “they can’t know. They’ll never trust you.” </p><p>All you can do is shake your head in acknowledgement. </p><p>You look back at your book, and Ben grabs his book out from his satchel and opens it up as well.<br/>
You sit there uncomfortable at everything that just happened, but maybe it wasn’t for the worse. At least you and Ben had each other – neither of you were alone.</p><p>That thought caught you off-guard, the idea of not being alone in what you were feeling was almost too much to handle at that moment. You assumed Ben felt the same way too, considering how he responded to you telling him he wasn’t alone earlier – little did the two of you know how much that statement would turn out to mean.</p><p>Ben caught you staring blankly at your book, “Hey, you can go back to your hut if you need.” He said, closing his book and placing it beside him.</p><p>“I’m fine staying out here,” you close your book, “with you, if that’s okay?” You are hoping that he also doesn’t want to be alone. </p><p>“If Luke walks by, we need to at least pretend to look like we are studying,” he motions at the books, “but of course (y/n), it’s okay.” His eyes were gentle. The gentlest you had seen them, He had a delicate smile on his face that made this moment somehow your favorite moment of your entire life. </p><p>You smile back at him and it only makes his smile widen.</p><p>“Do you want to know my story?” Ben tosses out.</p><p>“Oh, uh, I –” You aren’t sure how to respond. You know how thinking of your past makes you feel, and you don’t want Ben to feel like that, “Only if you’re wanting to. I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” </p><p>“Trust me, I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it.” He looks at you, his expression seeming as though he is searching out for how to start.</p><p>“So, my parents are basically Rebel legends.” He scoffs, “and obviously I have Luke as well. That meant I had a lot of living up to do in terms of who my family is.” His expression is pained, and you notice it and give him a look as to tell him he doesn’t have to keep going.</p><p>“However, ever since I was young – as young as I can recall at least – I would have horrific nightmares. I would wake up screaming, terrified of what my dreams were.” He pauses, “My mother was scared of me. She didn’t know what to do with me. My father just followed along with whatever she wanted.” He exhaled and looked up at the sky, where the sun was slowly beginning to set in the horizon. </p><p>“She was force-sensitive, so she could feel the dark energy coming off of me. Luke, her brother, decided to start this Jedi Training camp,” he motions to everything around us, “and my mother immediately decided to throw me into it. I didn’t even have time to really think about what was going on, my father fought with her about it, trying to convince her that maybe sending me off and striping me of my childhood and my home wasn’t the best idea – but she had her mind made up.” His voice trembles, “I’ve been here since I was 10. And I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen my parents in person since then.” He continues to stare off,</p><p>“Ben, I—” you pause to think about what to say, “How old are you now?”</p><p>Ben laughs, he seems taken aback by your question, “23.”</p><p>Oh stars, you think to yourself. You hadn’t given it much thought that Ben could be under 18, but it was possible. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case though.</p><p>“And you?” He asks looking over at you, smiling that small-delicate smile. </p><p>“Oh, me?” You also laugh, “22.”</p><p>“Good.” He says firmly. You’re taken aback by that, but you don’t really want to question it. You also thought it was good that the two of you were so close in age.</p><p>“To continue,” Ben starts back, “Luke likes making my life a living hell – knowing that the dark energy within me threatens to ruin his reputation. He’s scared of me sometimes too – I mean damn,” he breathes, “sometimes, I’m scared of myself.”</p><p>You understood, you understood all too well, the fear of yourself and what you could do. But you didn’t know how to say that. You just shook your head in agreement.</p><p>“But, (y/n), I know you have dark energy too – but you make me feel the most alive I’ve felt in the last 13 years. And I know we just met last night, but your energy…” he trails off, “it just feels like home.” </p><p>All you can do is stare at him, you’re about to respond when you hear Luke approaching you two. Ben places the book in your hands and pretends to be teaching you about something on the page. You look at the page and are amazed that what he is talking about is actually on that page, and more importantly all he’s saying is true. </p><p>Luke finally passes and Ben grabs the book from your hands, places it back down and just looks at you,</p><p>“You really are a nerd!” You laugh, thinking about the fact that the only way he could’ve done that just then is if he had read the book – maybe even more than once.</p><p>“I’m alone – a nerd, maybe – but being alone I turn to books. I’ve read every one of these ancient texts at least twice – some of them though I’ve read maybe five times.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have a book I’ve read around ten times,” you laugh, “so I understand.”</p><p>“Just one book?” He looks at you questionably.</p><p>“I’ve only ever had the one book.” You state.</p><p>“What if I give you my favorite book, and then maybe you can give me that one so I can read it too?”</p><p>You don’t know how to answer, as you don’t really want to read ancient text for fun, and as if Ben could hear your thoughts,</p><p>“I promise it won’t be one of these.” He pointed at our books on the table.</p><p>“Okay, deal.” You laugh, “I’ll bring you my book in the morning on our way to meditation.” </p><p>He nodded his head and you just stared at him not sure what to say next.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, if you want I have a few meal bars in my hut if you prefer those to the dreaded food being served in there tonight,” Ben motions towards the mess hall.</p><p>“That sounds so much better than having to eat that bread again.” You laugh, recalling yourself nearly choking on it this morning.</p><p>“Come on,” he places your books in his bag and grabs your hand to help you get up from the table. </p><p>You two stride pass the mess hall entrance, where a few students mutter something and laugh as the two of you pass. All you can do is roll your eyes and think how childish they are.</p><p>You pass your hut and then Ben turns on the next aisle of huts and you enter the one that is directly in front of yours.</p><p>You laugh and catch Ben off guard.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” He laughed, looking around his hut as if to find something he should be embarrassed by.</p><p>“No, no. I’m just laughing at the fact that your hut is directly in front of mine.” You laugh again, “We just can’t escape each other.”</p><p>He looks at you, somewhat relaxed, but he also seems confused by your mood.</p><p>“Do you want to escape each other?” His voice sounds sad, like you had cut him down again.</p><p>“Oh! Shit, no. I’m sure we will appreciate the close proximity considering if one of us has a nightmare – the other is well –” you point towards your hut, “right there!” you exclaim.</p><p>His eyes light up, “That would be nice.”</p><p>“Ben, seriously, if you have a nightmare just walk in, I’ll wake up.” You grab his hands to show that you meant it.</p><p>“Oh, okay then.” He looks at you as though he doesn’t know how to respond, as if he hadn’t had anyone to care for him in years – and it hit you that he hasn’t had anyone to care for him in years.</p><p>“We both haven’t had anyone to take care of us in years – but now we have each other,” you squeeze his hands, “and I feel like that’ll make up for it.” </p><p>Ben stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded by the realization that you both had each other, he leaned over and reached into his nightstand and grabbed two meal bars,</p><p>“Here, this one is my favorite.” He handed it to you.</p><p>It was surprisingly good. Better than what you could’ve expected – and definitely better than whatever the mess hall was serving up. You wondered if Luke would be upset if he knew you two were in the same hut.</p><p>On the ship Luke had gone over what was expected once you landed and your mind could only recall two of the rules at the moment:<br/>
1	No relationships.<br/>
2	Your hut is your own, no one else is allowed to enter.<br/>
You laugh out loud when you realize that you’ve already broken two of his rules. Ben looks at you questionably.</p><p>“What’s funny?”</p><p>“Oh, I just thought about the fact that I’m quite literally breaking every rule that Luke gave.”</p><p>“Get used to it,” Ben nudged you with his shoulder and you laughed.</p><p>Once you had finished up your meal bar you could feel yourself getting tired and decided that it was time for you to excuse yourself back to your hut, as you opened the door you turned back to look at Ben,</p><p>“I meant it Ben, if you need me, just come over there. I’m a light sleeper – I’ll wake up.”<br/>
He just looked up at you as he sat at the end of his bed and nodded his head. You closed the door behind you and went over to your hut.</p><p>The door opened easier tonight only taking you a few tries to wiggle it open. Once you got in you changed into your pajamas and laid in bed. You grabbed your book of poetry and then grabbed a pen and decided to leave Ben a small note next to your favorite poem.</p><p>		**Ben,</p><p>			This one is my favorite. All the times I’ve felt alone; I repeat this one to myself. It’s gotten me through a lot. I think you’ll enjoy it too.</p><p>		(Y/N). </p><p>You sign off with a poorly drawn smiley face and then tuck the book into your satchel for the morning. </p><p>Once you laid down, the act of going to sleep was quite easy, you were mentally and physically exhausted from everything that had unfolded during the day. You hoped you wouldn’t awaken to a nightmare – but it was comforting to know if you did, you could walk just a few feet away and have someone who would understand what you were going through.</p><p>Your eyes got heavy and you let yourself drift off to sleep ---</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is quite a bit shorter than the first one, but I imagine that 4-5,000 words will be more the normal than the near 8,000 words the first chapter was!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>This time you aren’t awaken by your own nightmare, however, you can feel a tense energy that immediately sits you straight up in bed. A few moments later the door shakes open and Ben is standing there. Sweat dripping from his hair, and tears prickling the sides of his eyes. </p><p>“Are you okay?” You speak louder than you mean to.</p><p>“I just,” Ben sighs, “can I lay down?”  he gestures to the bed.</p><p>You just nod your head as his 6’2” frame slowly approaches the side of your tiny bed. You pull the covers back, indicating to him that he can get comfortable.</p><p>You wipe your eyes to wipe away the drowsiness left, looking over at Ben as he shifts himself into your bed you notice the tears in eyes have only worsened, now falling down his face.</p><p>You grab at his hand once he laid down, stoking his hand with a soft touch to show comfort. Ben is all but shaking at this point – uncomfortable in his own skin. He places his other hand on top of yours and lays back and closes his eyes.</p><p>“Hey, Ben.” You turn and look at him, “It’ll be okay, you know? Whatever you dreamt about, it doesn’t matter now.” Still stroking the back of his hands.</p><p>He shakes his head in acknowledgement, but just shifts himself further down into the bed. You can feel his anxiety pulsing off of him in waves, and looking at him you can see all the signs of a panic attack. His breathing is labored, you can see his heart beating out of his chest, he still hasn’t stopped sweating even though it is freezing inside the hut. You deal with panic attacks all the time, but you have never tried to help anyone else with one.</p><p>You let yourself sink back down in the bed, allowing yourself to get closer to Ben. When you finally get at the same level, you lean over and grab Ben’s head and move it to lay him on your chest. He doesn’t argue, still letting the tears fall from his face, he just nuzzles his head deeper into your chest, letting his ear rest right above you heart.</p><p>You place your hand on his face and stoke along his cheekbones, slowly, wiping away the tears as they fall. After some time, you can feel Ben start to relax, you look down at his face, his eyes are tightly closed and the tears have stopped.</p><p>“Ben,” you say quietly.</p><p>Nothing. He had fallen asleep, and you weren’t about to wake him. You knew that it always felt better to sleep immediately after a panic attack – it was truly the only way to completely calm down. </p><p>Not too long and you allowed yourself to fall back asleep with Ben’s head still laying on top of your chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit,” you slowly open your eyes and peak over to see Ben shuffling himself out of the bed and slipping his shoes back on franticly.</p><p>“Hey,” you sputter out, “what’s wrong?”</p><p>“If Luke notices I’m not in my hut,” he sighs, out of breath, “we are both going to get in trouble.” You open your eyes wider and notice the light already peeking through the cracks in the stones along your wall.</p><p>“Oh,” you sound disappointed when the words are leaving your lips.</p><p>“Hey, I’ll be ready in ten minutes to go to breakfast, if you want to meet and walk.” Ben tosses out as he opens the door to leave as he still shuffles trying to get his other shoe on.</p><p>You nod your head and Ben leaves, letting the door close quietly behind him.</p><p>Your hands find your face, slowly rubbing you’re your cheeks then moving to your eyes to wake yourself up.  The covers feel heavy when moving them off of you, not wanting to wake up and deal with the long day ahead of you. But you sigh and push the covers off of you, knowing that Ben will be waiting for you if you take too long. You throw on another t-shirt and the only other pants you own and put on your shoes, grabbing your satchel you open the door and are greeted by sunlight immediately blinding you. </p><p>Peeking over towards Ben’s hut, he is already standing outside waiting for you to join him so you walk over and start heading towards the mess hall.</p><p>Things are oddly quiet; Ben tries to start up a conversation a few times but it doesn’t amount to much before you two remain in silence. You finally make it to the mess hall and you can feel what feels like the entire room staring the two of you down as you walk in. You hear Ben sigh, and you try and reach out his hand to comfort him before you hear,</p><p>“Ben,” Luke’s voice echoes throughout the room, he gestures with his finger for Ben to go and talk to him.</p><p>You reach your hand out to grab Ben’s, yet, he is already long gone, hastily walking towards Luke. You watch as Ben’s body become more and more tense as he gets closer to Luke; Luke looking more and more frustrated as each second passes. The situation makes you uncomfortable however, you feel like you should do something so you start walking towards the two of them, you get close enough to hear the two of them start talking when you feel it - the pressure of not being able to move, your legs not responding to your brain’s command to put one in front of the other.</p><p>“What?” you exclaim, you then notice Ben’s hand slightly pointed towards you and you realize he’s using the force to keep you from intruding on their conversation. The feeling of defeat. Ben must feel your emotions because you can start to move again and you immediately head towards an empty table, not even thinking to grab breakfast as you know you wouldn’t eat it.</p><p>Once you sit down you burry your head in your arms that are laid up on the table. It was then that you get feel the anger, the red inside, however it wasn’t coming from you – looking around you knew exactly the only other person it could possibly be. He was digging his fingers into his thighs, and from here you could see his whole body move with each breath he took. Luke didn’t stop – continuing to talk over Ben every time he tried to say anything.</p><p>You could make out enough of the conversation to know that Luke knew that Ben stayed the night in your hut last night. You didn’t understand why it was such a big deal though – you were both in your twenties – more importantly, you weren’t doing anything, he just needed someone to care for him.</p><p>You dig your head deeper into the creases of your elbows trying to block out the sound of them talking to the best of your ability. It was hard though, considering every time Ben tried to talk Luke would raise his voice just a bit louder to overpower him. </p><p>The whole room went quiet and you could feel Ben approach you from behind. He grabbed you up from the table with zero effort and all but dragged you outside.</p><p>“Hey!” you scream and kick as he picks you up, “What the hell are you doing Ben?”</p><p>“Just,” he lets out a labored breath, “come on.” He places you onto the ground, however he still maintains a firm grip on your hands and he drags you behind him. </p><p>You are walking, running to keep up with him, taking in the sight of the Temple for the first time since you got here. The grass is beautiful, not too tall, but not short either. Various plants and flowers scattered amongst the area. There are students everywhere, running around, fighting with staffs, using the force for nonsensical things like moving a rock from point A to point B. The older students, older than Ben and you, are wearing what you can only assume are Jedi robes. None of them seeming to notice Ben pulling you for what felt like a mile.</p><p>He stopped and you finally looked around, noticing that he stopped by a river that has been lined around the edges with rocks – you can’t help to imagine the children from earlier placing each rock individually with the force.</p><p>Ben lets go of your hand and tosses his shoes off, sitting down near the edge of the water and placing his feet in. You can feel the tension leave his body with each breath he takes.</p><p>“Hey, Ben? Don’t we have meditation class to go to?” </p><p>Ben tenses up, “No, it’s fine. Luke said to skip today.”<br/>
You stare at Ben confused as you rustle your shoes off of your feet so you can sit beside him,</p><p>“What if I want to –” You get cut off by Ben grabbing your hand and placing it on his face,</p><p>“Please,” he trails off, holding your hand against his cheek, “don’t leave me.”</p><p>You can feel the emotion in his words. He’s always been alone – at least for the last 14 years of his life. But you’re also there with a purpose, to train, to rid yourself of the darkness that flows through you. You look at him, his eyes are sad, his face somber.</p><p>“I,” he loosens up his grip on your hand but you keep it on his face, “I’ll stay Ben, but I need to at least try to meditate for a bit.” He looks up at you, a gleam in his eye, “It truly does make me feel better. Closer to the light, further from the dark.”</p><p>Ben nods, he understands. </p><p>“I just needed to get away from everyone.” He stares at the water that he’s resting his feet in, “But, I didn’t want to be alone like I always am.” He looks over at you, “Thank you for staying.”</p><p>You give him a small smile to let him know that you care.</p><p>You just stare at him for a while; he does the same to you. You sit and ponder how you got here? Had Ben ever felt like this before? Because you know that you haven’t. His eyes are looking at your hands that now sit resting on your knees. You don’t say anything. There is something about the quietness that’s comforting.</p><p>You decide to close your eyes to begin meditating.</p><p>After an unknown amount of time you feel Ben tap you lightly on the knee. You slowly open your eyes, looking at him to see that delicate smile coming across his face. </p><p>“Hey,” you ponder at what to say, “You look like you’re feeling better.”</p><p>He nods, “Yeah, but” his smile quickly fades, “Luke wants us to come talk to him so he can include you in on the conversation from this morning as well.”</p><p>You feel your anxiety climbing; your fingers drift their way to your thighs – Ben notices but doesn’t stop you as he was doing the same thing. </p><p>He stands up, and aids you up off the ground. You both put your shoes back on after trying to dry them off with. He grabs your hand and you let him guide you to where Luke is at.</p><p>You reach into your satchel as you walk behind Ben and grab out the book of poetry. </p><p>“Here,” you hand it over to Ben and he grabs it, slowly flipping it from back to front to look at the title.</p><p>“Poetry, huh?” Ben questions.</p><p>“Yeah.” You shrug, “Like I said, it’s the only book I ever owned.”</p><p>“Well, I can’t wait to read it.” He shoves the book into his satchel and smiles at you, but the smile quickly fades as Luke comes into our line of sight.</p><p>Luke still looks frustrated, as if you would’ve told him the worse possible news, you didn’t understand what was so wrong about what you and Ben had done - </p><p>“Ben,” he nods, “(y/n).” </p><p>“Master Luke.” You look up to make eye contact with him, “Sorry, I don’t feel like I quite understand the issue at hand?”</p><p>Ben looks over at you taken aback by your sternness,</p><p>Luke scoffs, “Well, it isn’t for you to understand then.” He pauses, “but you are here to learn from me, and there were specific rules put in place to keep you both safe and to build the strongest environment to learn from.” </p><p>“Yes, but Master Luke…” Ben looks over at you as if to shut you up, but you weren’t going to be silent about all of this, “maybe if you cared as deeply as you thought you did about your students, more importantly your nephew, we wouldn’t have to break your rules to keep each other sane.” </p><p>Ben’s mouth actually gawks, it’s as if he doesn’t believe that he heard any of that leave your mouth. You look over at Luke and he had nearly the same expression as Ben.</p><p>“Sorry,” you continued, “I just feel like for the two of us,” you point at Ben, “it makes more sense for us to have some sort of relationship – and if that includes one of us needing the other in the middle of the night to comfort them from a nightmare – then so be it.” You shrug your shoulders. </p><p>“Master,” Ben’s looking at the ground, “I –” Ben doesn’t finish his sentence before Luke is holding out his hand to shut Ben up.</p><p>“(y/n), You think you know everything.” Luke laughs, “You know nothing. If Ben needed something he would come to me,” he looks over at Ben for some sort of acknowledgment that never comes, “he knows he can come to me.” </p><p>Ben actually lets out a laugh, but he realizes it and quickly shuts his mouth as he continues to look at the ground around his feet.</p><p>“I think you both would benefit from a day looking back over the rules, and writing them out for me to prove to me that you understand them.” He gestures towards the area where the huts are, “You two are dismissed. But to your own huts.” He said sternly. </p><p>You and Ben both nod your head, “Yes, Master.” You say in unison. </p><p>You both begin the walk towards your huts. You try to keep up with Ben, but he seems like he is running compared to you.</p><p>“Ben!” you practically yell, he stopes and turns to face you, “Do you want to sit outside of our huts and look at the rules together?”</p><p>Ben looks at you in disbelief, “Do you have a death wish?” </p><p>“What? No, of course not. But we aren’t technically breaking any rules if we are just sitting outside of our huts doing the work he told us to do.”</p><p>“(y/n), I don’t think I can do that.” Ben looks down at his feet as the two of you still walk, “if you wait a few moments though, I’ll go grab the book for you.” He tries to smile at you, but you can tell he isn’t in the mood to smile.</p><p>You reach your hut and stand outside the door as you watch Ben walk around the path to enter his hut. As you’re waiting for him to come back you notice that you’re hungry – but part of you doubts you’ll be allowed to go to the mess hall tonight after everything with Luke. </p><p>You see Ben round the corner, his smile returned to his face as you peak to his hands and notice a quite lengthy book. </p><p>“Here,” he holds out the book and you notice another meal bar sitting on top of book, “take it. I’ll see you in the morning!” He gives you a big smile even though you can tell he isn’t in the mood to smile.</p><p>You try and smile back and him and then enter into your hut.</p><p>You weren’t expecting Ben to give you another meal bar, but you weren’t going to argue with him about it considering you hadn’t eaten today. This one wasn’t as good as the one from the night prior, but it would do. Your attention shifts to the book that Ben handed you, the title, “Alderaanian Bedtime Stories.”  </p><p>Alderaan. Huh, you had heard of Alderaan before, though you were pretty sure it had ceased to exist for quite a long time. </p><p>You flipped through the pages acknowledging the beautifully detailed drawings that accompanied each story.</p><p>You find one drawing that stood out to you the most and decide to read that one.</p><p> </p><p>After getting through about half of the story you can feel yourself getting exhausted so you place the book on your nightstand and decide to go to bed.</p><p> </p><p>		----</p><p>			The scene shifts, yelling was echoing across the entire room.</p><p>			“Lyra!!” you yell again though you know exactly what happened.</p><p>As you look at the man that holds the title of father you see him with your sister’s lifeless body in his hands. He looks deranged, looking over to meet your stare.</p><p>You reach your hand out and grasp out at the ceiling, the anger that courses through your veins overpowering every thought that you’ve ever had.</p><p>The ceiling comes falling around you, but not before you watch the roof fall directly on top of him. </p><p>Satisfaction. But it was immediately overtaken by the feeling of sadness. Your sister, the only one who understood you, dead at the hands of the one who was supposed to protect you.</p><p>		----</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes are leaking tears at an astronomical rate when you finally wake up. Your breath seems nonexistent. </p><p>You don’t even think to put on shoes, you just immediately head towards the door of your hut. Once outside you manage to take in a deep breath of the cold air, you feel your lungs filling with air for what feels like the first time in hours.</p><p>Ben’s already headed towards you, you wonder if he also had a nightmare,</p><p>“(y/n) …” he finally reaches you and picks you up as he did earlier, only this time it was much more gentle and comforting. </p><p>He begins walking to your hut, opening your door as quietly as he could, and then tries to push his shoes off without having to put you down but he isn’t having any luck. </p><p>“Just a moment,” he says quietly as he places you back onto your bed as he continues taking his shoes off and placing them by the door.</p><p>As he begins to sit in the bed beside you, you finally speak up, “Did you have a nightmare too?”</p><p>“No (y/n), I could just feel your energy change, that and when I got outside my hut I could hear you sobbing.” </p><p>You move your hands up to face to wipe away the tears that had been freely flowing since you had woken up.</p><p>You watch as Ben’s eyes shift over to your night stand, “Did you read any of it?” He leans across you to grab the book.</p><p>You nod your head, and the he leans further onto the bed, allowing you to rest you head on his chest just as you had allowed for him just a few days prior.</p><p>You nuzzle your head until you can hear his heartbeat. Slow, but loud. You let it consume your thoughts so you can try and slow your breathing down.</p><p>“Ben,” you wipe the tears on your eyes again, “You aren’t supposed to be here.”</p><p>Ben shrugs, “Was this the one you were reading?” Ben pointed to the picture of the mountain that was drawn as if it was glowing, you nodded you head.</p><p>“Appenza Peak was a place of wonder. People from across the entire planet would attempt to climb it to reach its magical peaks…” Your mind shifts to Ben, you notice that he is just simply reading you the story from the book.</p><p>You had never heard a bedtime story, it wasn’t a luxury you were afforded as a child. The closest you got was Lyra giggling nonsense to you late at night when you were supposed to be asleep. You didn’t let your mind rest on that thought for long, knowing it would only cause you to get overwhelmed. </p><p>“… Thylinn, with great pride, took it upon himself to attempt to commune with the Force, to help his dying wife. He climbed for just over seven days, the climb itself was easy, however the snow made the climb tedious leaving Thylinn wanting to turn around and head back to his village.” Ben yawned and moved the hair that was covering your eyes so you could see the book better, “At the end of the Seventh day, Thylinn saw it. The peaks of Appenza. The force was radiating energy off of everything around him. He could sense the roots sprouting new life under the snow peaked caps, he could hear animals rustling around from miles away, he could also feel the warmth of the sun as it slowly dipped behind the horizon…”</p><p>You start to feel your eyes get heavy, and you know to just let yourself fall to sleep to Ben’s voice,</p><p> </p><p>“…. Thylinn made it back to his village just before his wife had passed. The force wasn’t able to aid in saving her, however, it comforted Thylinn knowing that his wife had simply passed from this current life to move within the Force – ultimately coming to life again in something else….”</p><p>You don’t know if the story went any further as it was the last thing you heard before falling asleep listening to his heart rate below you.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think below if feel so inclined to do so!</p><p>Also, feel free to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> to keep up to date with my posting schedule!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CONTENT WARNING: There are descriptions of abuse in this chapter starting with the sentence, "You don't know how to start it,...."  and ending at, "You both sit in silence..."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>When you awake the next morning Ben is no longer beside you. The blanket beside you neatly tucked under your pillow, as if no one was ever there. In the haze of waking up, you wonder if you had dreamt him coming over, however on your nightstand atop the book laid a note:</p><p>		** (y/n),</p><p>			I’ll meet you outside to walk to breakfast.</p><p> </p><p>			Ben Solo </p><p> </p><p>All of this was written in some of the most beautifully constructed calligraphy you had ever seen. You look over to see it’s not quite bright enough outside to leave so you lie in bed for a few more minutes.</p><p>All of this was so new; someone to care for you, someone who understood not only the feeling of darkness but also understood the panic attacks and anxiety that came with it, and someone who you thought was attractive. You pondered it all, but then you thought back to Luke and how adamant he was of you and Ben not being as close as you are. It didn’t make any sense, and you hoped Ben felt the same way.</p><p>Getting out of bed was easy knowing that Ben was waiting for you outside. You pulled on some clothes and shoes and then grabbed your satchel and opened the door.</p><p>“Hey,” Ben was reaching towards the door when you opened it, his face instantly lit up as his gaze met yours, “Good morning.” He spoke softly as he pulled his hand back to his side. Ben was wearing white robes today, you wondered if you would be getting robes any time soon.</p><p>“Good morning,” you looked at him questionably, wondering why he was reaching towards your door.</p><p>“I was,” he reached into his satchel and pulled out a few pieces of paper, “I’m assuming you didn’t get around to writing the rules out on paper like Luke asked,” he gestured the paper towards you, “so here.” He smiled.</p><p>You looked down to realize that he had written it all down for you, “Won’t Luke know it is your handwriting?”</p><p>“No,” He laughed, “he would have no clue what my handwriting looked like.”</p><p>You just nodded, “Thank you.” You put the papers in your satchel and then reached your hand out to grab Ben’s.</p><p>“(y/n).” Ben pulled his hand back from yours. “I think it would be better if we didn’t pretend to ourselves that this,” he gestures to your hands, “is okay.”</p><p>You stop walking, “What? What does that even mean?”</p><p>“It’s just, I don’t want Luke to be on you all the time about us.” Ben continues to walk, “I also don’t want you to feel like you have to defend yourself just to spend time with me.”</p><p>“Ben, wait!” you chase after him, he turns around to face you as you approach “I don’t really care about Luke – and this,” you also gesture to your hands, “doesn’t have to be any more than a friendship.”</p><p>“(y/n), if this continues, I think we both know it’ll be more than a friendship.” Ben’s voice is lower, his eyes are dark as they stare into yours, “And we both know that that isn’t tolerated within the Jedi community.”</p><p>Ben turns around and starts walking towards the mess hall, and you are left speechless in the middle of the dirt path with other students passing all around you. </p><p>You look around and notice a path of worn down grass and decide to follow it. You need to take a moment to yourself, and you’re hoping that you can find somewhere to do that.</p><p>As you walk down the path, the grass gets taller and there are plants that nearly reach your hip. You look around and realize you are quite a bit away from everyone else and decide to sit down in the middle of the path.</p><p>Tears immediately fill your eyes. Hurt, pain, anger, it feels like every emotion possible is hitting you at once.</p><p>Nothing made sense: Ben showed up in the middle of the night to help you calm down after your nightmares, he read you a bedtime story, he even did your “homework” for you – yet, it feels like he wants nothing to do with you. And you could only blame Luke. </p><p>It had been three days since you had stepped foot here and you wish you could take them all back and go elsewhere. It was your own decision to come here after your sister died and after you had killed your father – you had hoped to overcome all of that and be better than your family was.</p><p>The grass around you was at your mercy as you picked pieces and tore them into smaller pieces, you could hear footsteps behind you so you stood up onto your feet and wiped your eyes as quickly as possible, </p><p>“(y/n),” you turn around to see Luke approaching and immediately start crying again, “It’s useless to cry like that. It won’t get you anywhere.”</p><p>“I’m okay,” his words hurt but you won’t let him see that, you wipe the tears from your face and straighten your posture, “I would be better though if you would leave me alone.” You gesture towards the path back to the common area.</p><p>Luke laughs and sits down in front of you then gestures towards the ground for you to sit as well.</p><p> </p><p>Part of you was telling you to run and try and leave, but you knew that wouldn’t work so you put your satchel on the ground and then slowly sat down beside it. </p><p>“You know why I don’t want you and Ben to be close, correct?” Luke was looking at you, but his emotions were not easily readable, you shook your head ‘no’ as you truly had no clue.</p><p>“(y/n), I spoke to Ben this morning after your little altercation. If you think he is in any better shape than you are at this moment, that’s where you would be wrong.” He spoke a bit louder, “You two both let darkness come off of you in such powerful waves, if something were to happen (y/n), I don’t think I’d be able to stop either of you – and together, I don’t think anyone would have a chance.” He genuinely looked scared of you at that moment.</p><p>“I-” you paused to think over what to say, you knew he was right. You knew what you were capable of, and you can only imagine Ben would be stronger, “I think the chance of something happening would be more likely if we can’t help each other.” You keep your eyes on the ground when talking. </p><p> </p><p>Luke shifts himself to start standing up again, “After this morning, I would have to agree with you.”  </p><p>Something about his tone told you that he didn’t mean your altercation with Ben,</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” you ask, assuming that Luke wouldn’t tell you anything.</p><p>“Go ask Ben.” He said sternly and walked away. </p><p>He was out of sight before you could even notice and you snatched up your satchel and started following the path out with one thought only, ‘Find Ben’. </p><p>Once you got back to the dirt path you look around and didn’t see him anywhere. You started walking towards the mess hall and notice that the two trees that were to the right of the building were completely destroyed. And in a way you couldn’t explain. The limbs were strung all around the grass, large branches laid on top of the few tables that were under them, but more importantly the trees looked as though they had been burned from the inside out. </p><p>You stopped in the path and gawked at this sight – knowing that the only logical thought was that Ben did this.</p><p>You picked up your pace when you started walking again, Ben needed you if he did this.</p><p>As you approached the mess hall a few students stopped what they were doing and stared at you, one small boy pointed into the mess hall and you looked in and noticed Ben was the only one still in there. You gave the young boy a smile and nodded as you walked into the room.</p><p>“What the hell is that?” you practically yell at him as you approach him.</p><p>Until then he had his head buried into his arms on the table, with his eyes tightly closed. However, as soon as he heard your voice he lifted his head and turned to look at you.</p><p>“I’m---” Ben spoke, but before he could finish his sentence you bent down and put him in the biggest embrace you possibly could.</p><p>“I’m sor—” he didn’t finish his sentence again and instead just nuzzled his head into your shoulder.</p><p>You closed your eyes and rested your head against his and played with his hair. You weren’t planning on moving until Ben didn’t need this anymore. You held him there for minutes before he finally loosened his grip on you and backed up in his chair to look at you,</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He finally managed to get out, “I don’t know why I did that. I just got so angry. I don’t even remember doing it.” He closed his eyes again. You put your hand on his knee. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’s okay.” You look at him and he looks at you, “Or at least it’ll be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head to acknowledge you, but he never says anything else.</p><p>“Ben,” you tap his leg, “Luke said this was okay.” And you grabbed his hands as he looked up at you.</p><p>He opened his mouth to say something but nothing ever came out. </p><p>You stay there for hours. People come in and out of the mess hall to grab a drink or a snack, but they never give either of you much attention. You keep his hands in yours as he lays his head on the table. There were several moments you weren’t too sure he hadn’t gone to sleep but you weren’t going to bother him to find out.</p><p> You finally looked outside and noticed the sunlight coming through the doorway was becoming more golden, you knew there wasn’t much time before dinner was going to be served. </p><p>“Hey, Ben,” you tapped him, this time it was obvious he was asleep as he jumped when you touched him, “you need to wake up because it’s nearly dinner time.”</p><p>You wanted to laugh at yourself. After hours in silence, all you manage to say to him was that he needed to wake up to eat dinner. </p><p>He wiped his big dark eyes and gave you a smile – a genuine smile. You could practically feel the warmth coming off of him, it was all but consuming you. </p><p>He pushed his shoulders back and stretched to wake up. All you could do was look at him. You were emotionally exhausted from everything, but comforted to know that if you were lucky everything would be okay from here on out.</p><p>You couldn’t help but worry about what had Luke said earlier about the two of you being unstoppable if something was to happen; you could only imagine he meant if one or both of you chose the dark side. The thought made you shake your head.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Of course Ben noticed,</p><p>“Nothing.” You tried to sound happy as you smiled at him.</p><p>He didn’t question but you could tell he didn’t believe you.</p><p>At this point students were starting to walk in, grab their meals, and fill the tables around you.</p><p>“You can stay there,” Ben pushed the chair under the table as he stood up, “I’ll go get us something to eat.”</p><p>Before you could protest he was already gone. As Ben walked through the crowd, younger students all but fell trying to get out of his way. You laughed knowing that they were probably terrified of him. Not only is he by far one of the tallest ones in the room but you can only assume they all saw what he did to the trees this morning.</p><p>“Here you go.” Ben placed the tray in front of you as he sat down with his own.</p><p>“How are you feeling? I know I was always exhausted if I acted upon my feelings” you look at the food, and all but push the tray out of your way when you see the bread. </p><p>As if Ben can hear your thoughts he grabs your bread and gives you his fruit.</p><p>“I’m feeling better,” he takes a bite of the bread and coughs, “well, I was.” He laughs and he takes a drink of water to counteract the intense dryness of the bread.</p><p>You laugh, and start eating.</p><p>You converse with Ben throughout dinner as if nothing had ever happened. Small talk mostly, it seems like both of you are afraid that bringing up anything of sustenance could cause unnecessary stress. </p><p>As you finish up dinner, Ben grabs your tray and disposes of it for you, when he come back you two decide to walk back to your huts.</p><p>The air was brisk and the sky was beautiful. You felt like you could see every single star in the galaxy – though you knew that was impossible. </p><p>You realize Ben staring at you as you look at the stars, “One day you’ll tell me why you look at the sky like you’ve never seen it before.” He smiles at you. “Whenever you’re ready of course.” </p><p>“If you want to know, you’re in for a long story.” You laugh, but you can feel the pain in your heart just thinking about it.</p><p>“We’ve got all night.” Ben says as he grabs your hand and starts walking you in a direction away from the huts.</p><p>“Where are we going?” You question.</p><p>“Back to the river.” He looks back at you, “It’s the most relaxing place for miles.” He pauses, “If you want to talk, at least you’ll be relaxed.”</p><p>The rest of the journey there is in silence, you can feel your heart rate quicken as you try and work out your story from start to finish. Ben holds your hand tighter which calms your nerves ever so slightly.</p><p>When you get to the river you both take off your shoes in silence and sit down alongside the rocks.</p><p>You don’t know how to start it, but you decide it’ll be easier if your just blunt at first.</p><p>“I killed my father.” You keep your eyes on the water wavering around feet, you can feel Ben tense up at your words. “He wasn’t a good man though, terrible really. He would’ve killed me if I didn’t do it.” Your eyes start to tear up as you know you’re going to have to talk about Lyra. </p><p>Ben never said anything, he just let you tell your story.</p><p>You told him how your entire childhood was spent wondering when the next time your father was going to come home and hit you – not if he was going to but when he was going to. Your mother did nothing but sit on the sidelines and cheer him on. She died though when you were fifteen – which, for whatever reason, made your father worse. You and your sister weren’t allowed an education, and you weren’t allowed to leave the house,</p><p>“The only time we could leave the house is when our father had sold us for the night to one of the locals to have their way with us. And most of the time we were told to keep our heads down so we wouldn’t draw any attention.” You could feel Ben’s anger flowing off of him, “That’s why I look at the sky the way I do, I guess.” You try and let out a laugh but you aren’t able to fake it. </p><p>You continue on, Ben staying silent. You told him about the night Lyra died. How you were asleep in your room when you had heard Lyra screaming. That entire day your father’s mood was worse than you had ever seen it, he had threatened to kill the both of you multiple times – and you knew that he wasn’t lying. You knew when you woke up that he was killing her. You told him how before then you had never really used the force, you had known you could, but never felt inclined too – it was easier for you to ignore it than use it – but that night everything went black. There was no way out of using it, the feeling overcame you, and you did so to kill your father and ruin every building in the surrounding area. You had no idea if you had killed anyone else, but you assumed you did. You escaped and managed to find Luke, he offered to help you, and you weren’t in a position to turn him away. </p><p>You felt numb saying all of this out loud to someone, but at the same time it felt good to finally put all of it into words. The only other person you ever talked to growing up was Lyra – and she was living through it with you.</p><p>“(y/n), he deserved it.” You could tell Ben was still radiating anger.</p><p>“I know he did. And part of me thinks my neighbors did too for knowing what was going on and just letting it happen.” You sigh, “But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t keep me up at night scared that I’ll let myself go again.”</p><p>“I know how you feel.” He takes a moment to ponder what to say, “I have dreams that I let myself go and I cause a lot of destruction and pain.” He kicks the water with his feet, “Sometimes I wake up though and it feels like I don’t have any choice but to follow through with it, but I have been able to talk myself from doing anything.”</p><p>You both sit in silence, letting the light from the reflection of the moon touch your face. You look over at Ben and let out a slight sigh. He was looking at you, but not in a judging way. He was looking at you like you had looked at him; memorizing the curves of your face and taking in every blemish you had.</p><p>You can feel yourself blush, and you can see Ben blush when you turn to look at him. </p><p>“Don’t worry about it.” You laugh and then kick water at him, he looks at you and his mood immediately goes to being playful.</p><p>“So, this is how it’s going to go?” he laughs and kicks water back at you. His long legs were able to kick a whole lot more water than you did at him and you are instantly soaked.</p><p>You spend the next ten minutes splashing water at each other and laughing. You had never laughed so hard in your entire existence. You were both dripping wet, but you were both radiating warmth at each other.</p><p>“You know we can’t be together-together, right?” he says, still playfully, but you knew he meant it.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Jedi conduct and all.” You scoff.</p><p>He lays back onto the grass and pulls you down right beside him, wrapping his large arms around you and placing his face atop your head,</p><p>“Nothing will ever hurt you again,” he squeezes you a bit tighter, “not as long as I’m around.”</p><p>You practically feel yourself melt against him. You nuzzle your head into his chest and wrap your arms around him back. </p><p>“Thank you.” You say softly. </p><p>It was a weird feeling, but you knew he meant it. If he was there, you were going to be safe – and that wasn’t something you were going to try and ruin.</p><p>You both spend the next few hours stargazing in silence. He plays with your hair while you lay right beside him, fighting to stay awake.</p><p> </p><p>“(y/n), we should probably go back to our huts.” He shuffles himself to put some distance between the two of you, “We are only going to get a few hours of sleep before breakfast at this point.”</p><p>You move into a sitting position and Ben holds out his hand to help you up.</p><p>“Thanks.” You say softly.</p><p>You both walk in silence as you head back to your huts, Ben walking you to your door and stopping you from entering,</p><p>“As much as I want to go in there and fall asleep with you,” Ben grabs your chin so that you look at him, “it would probably be best if I fell asleep in my own hut for once.” Ben laughs and lets go of you. </p><p>He grabs your hand before walking away, giving it a tight squeeze, “Good night.” </p><p>“Good night.” You say as he walks away and you wiggle your door open.</p><p>You barely even made it into your bed before both of your eyes were closed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have so many plans for this story, but a lot needs to happen for it to get to those points. Eventually the chapters won't be day-to-day either, I just feel like these first few chapters need to exist like this to build a foundation of readers and Ben's relationship. </p><p>I hope everyone is staying healthy during this stressful time!</p><p>As always feel free to comment below if you enjoyed the chapter, and also feel free to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> to get updated when I'm going to post!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've been excited to write this chapter so I wasn't able to sleep last night until I finished it - hence another update!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>The next few months go on without much to worry about. </p><p>Every day the bond between you and Ben grows closer. Sadly, though, as the months have passed, Ben’s nightmares have gotten worse and worse. He’s stayed in your hut more times than not over the past month, but you weren’t going to argue it. </p><p>Every night he stayed in your hut he made it a point to read you another story from the Alderaanian Bedtime Stories. At this point you had heard them all at least once, but hearing Ben’s voice read them made them all feel new.</p><p>After around a month there, Luke finally gave you your robes. They were strikingly similar to Ben’s; the only difference is the cut was made to shape a female’s body so it hugged around your curves.</p><p>The first day you wore it Ben couldn’t stop staring at you. His eyes tracing up and down your body, looking at every curve you had. You couldn’t help but laugh at him. </p><p>Fast forward another few months and Luke set you and Ben out to make your own lightsaber. Ben had made his when he was a teenager. It was his prized possession; he carried it with him everywhere, tucked into his satchel, if it wasn’t there he would literally go crazy looking for it. When ignited it was a beautiful blue color; it looked like an entire ocean was contained within it.</p><p>As the day started Ben woke you up gently, but still ecstatically whispering into your ear, “Let’s go build a lightsaber.” </p><p>You tried to push him away to go back to sleep but he wouldn’t give in. You turned and looked him and he was already in his robes for the day.</p><p>“Come on (y/n)! I promise, it’ll be the best day of your life.” Ben literally couldn’t sit still.</p><p>You got up and got ready for the day; putting on your robes, gathering the instructional book Luke had given you, and grabbing the box of parts you set by your door the day prior.</p><p>“Alright,” you reach out and grab Ben’s hand, “let’s go.” Ben reached over and grabbed the box out of your arms and smiled ear-to-ear.</p><p>You had already chosen the style of lightsaber you wanted, Elemental Nature. You felt that one call to you as you felt more connected to nature and the force around you than having a strong devotion to the Jedi lifestyle. Luke had placed all the possible parts you could want for that style in a box now all you and Ben had to do was find yourself a kyber crystal and then spend the rest of the time crafting it.</p><p>Usually Luke would go with students to do this, but your relationship with Luke hasn’t gotten much better. He knows you and Ben spend nearly every waking moment together, and he also knows that you two are just friends, but other than that it almost feels like he is still scared of you; or more likely the both of you. Luke decided it would be a better journey for you to go with someone that made you feel comfortable so he let Ben join you.</p><p>Thankfully you didn’t have to leave the planet to find your kyber crystal as Jedi in the past would’ve. Luke had it set up to where students would go on a several mile trek through the wilderness surrounding the Temple, once you got to the location there would be a plethora of crystals to choose from, and you were to choose whichever one called out to you.</p><p>As you reached the tree line, Ben handed you a meal bar that he had stowed away in his satchel, “It’s going to be a long trek, so you’re going to need the energy.” He all but forced you to eat it.</p><p>“Are you excited?” he was smiling, looking at you. </p><p>“Of course I am Ben. But I’m also ready to get this trek over with.” </p><p>Ben scoffs, “It’ll be a while, Bean.” Ben has been calling you Bean as a pet name, he says it’s because you’re so small, but you don’t really mind – it makes you smile every time he does it. </p><p>You two walk in silence with the sound of the metal and bone shuffling around inside the box. There are trees towering all around the two of you, the early morning sun barely peaking its way through the foliage. The ground below you is mostly dirt with small amount of grass scattered along the way.</p><p>The longer the two of you walked the hotter it became. You stripped out of your over shirt and tossed it over your shoulder, Ben did the same.<br/>
You don’t see Ben’s arms that often, but every time you do it nearly takes your breath away by just how built his arms are. There’s no arguing that he is definitely the best at combat – you’ve had to witness that first hand over the past few months – but you were also the only other student that could hold themselves up against him. He liked the challenge – but he usually won without any problem.</p><p>Ben looked over and laughed as he watched you look at his arms, “You know, they aren’t that impressive.” And without missing a beat he turned around and picked you up and threw you over his shoulder; thankfully you held onto your over shirt and satchel as he did this. “But if they were any different I wouldn’t be able to do this.” He laughs and keeps you over his shoulder walking along the path.</p><p>You’re laughing and hitting him on the back, “Let me down.” You say, but you don’t really mean it – you would much rather be carried than walk. </p><p>“I think I’ll keep you right here.” Ben laughs.</p><p>He carries you like this for a good fifteen minutes, you finally make him put you down when you can start audibly hearing him breathe, plus you can feel the sweat dripping off of him.</p><p>“We should be there within the hour.” Ben says as he stops to grab his water bottle out of his satchel.</p><p>“That’s good.” You take a drink from you bottle as well, “I’m ready to find my kyber crystal.”</p><p>“It’s going to be a good day.” Ben smiles at you as he starts back walking again.</p><p>You let out a groan as you start back on the trek. </p><p>After about forty-five minutes you see a clearing approaching and you can feel the energy the area is giving off immediately. It’s overwhelming – nearly bringing you to tears. Ben feels it too and looks at you and smiles,</p><p>“I told you it would be incredible.” He smirks and continues walking.</p><p>You follow behind him, but slowly, allowing the force to touch every nerve ending of your body. You feel energized and refreshed even though you have been walking for hours. You have never felt happier in your life than you do at this very moment. </p><p>Ben turns around and waits for you once he reaches the opening, “You can go and seek out your kyber crystal, I’ll be here when you’re finished. He grabs your satchel off of your shoulder and gives you a big goofy smile.</p><p>“Okay.” You say nervously, realizing the next part is all on your own. </p><p>You start walking off and you turn around, Ben gives you a thumbs up and you laugh, turning back around and advancing towards the energy that you feel. </p><p>It was coming at you in waves, you could feel yourself being overpowered by the feeling of the force. You could feel the grass below you sprouting, you could hear the wind blowing the trees above you, you could feel the sunlight warming your cheeks. You finally go to a spot where it felt nearly unbearable, you decided to sit down and see if you could find the kyber crystal. You touched your hands to the ground and meditated, thinking about the kyber crystal, reaching out to it. You could feel the ground below you tremble with energy. As you open your eyes you are greeted with rocks floating a few inches off the ground in every direction, however directly in front of you is a kyber crystal. You immediately know that that crystal is the one that is meant to belong to you. You slowly lift your arm up and grab it out of the air. As soon as your hand touches it all the other rocks come crashing down around you, but you barely notice because when your hand meets the crystal you are overcome with emotion.</p><p>You hold it in your hand, staring at its every crack and rough edge, studying it.</p><p>After some time, you decide to head back to the opening where Ben is.</p><p>“Hey, Bean!” he exclaims with a smile on his face as you come into his line of sight. He then shifts his eyes down to your hands where you’re holding the crystal, “Ah, green!”</p><p>You smile at him. He was right, this was by far the best day of your life</p><p>“I pitched up the tent while you were gone, and started to gather things for a fire.” He pointed at the tent and pile branches he had gathered. “But you should start meditating.”</p><p>You nod, knowing he was right. You had to meditate with your crystal for quite a bit of time so that It would become acquainted with you. </p><p>You took a seat by one of the tree’s and began meditating. It felt like a completely different experience when meditating with this crystal; your brain wasn’t going from one subject to another, instead it was hyper focused on the feeling of the force rushing through your veins.</p><p>Hours must’ve passed because when Ben called your name it was completely dark outside, the only light coming from the small fire Ben had made near your tent.</p><p>“(y/n), it’s getting late, plus I made you something to eat.” He held out a small plate with what looked to be lentils.</p><p>You smiled at him, “Thank you.” You grabbed the plate and sat down by the fire.</p><p>“How do you feel?” Ben was in such a good mood it was radiating onto you.</p><p>“I feel,” you think for a moment, “more relaxed than I have in years, maybe even my entire life.” </p><p>He sat down beside you and put you in a huge embrace, “I told you it was incredible.” </p><p>You nod, and continue to eat while he held you. </p><p>This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. Ben often gave you large hugs, it’s as if he was making up for both of you never getting any form of affection growing up. </p><p>You sat around and finished your food while he cuddled up beside you, never leaving your side, keeping his arms wrapped around you even when you were putting the plate on the ground.</p><p>You yawned, “Is it time for bed now?” Ben loosened his grip on you and looked at you,</p><p>“Yeah.” He stood up, “It’s going to be cramped with me in there with you.” He laughed.</p><p>“I think I’ll survive.” You laugh as he helps you up onto your feet.</p><p>He wasn’t lying, the tent was definitely made for one person and not two. But it would do.</p><p>You both laid on the ground, wrapping yourselves up in the blanket and cuddling up close as the ground was colder than expected.</p><p>“Good night.” He kissed the top of your head and wrapped his arm around you. </p><p>You quickly fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p>When you awoke the next day Ben was still asleep; however, you decided to leave the tent and go ahead and begin meditating. You thought if you were able to get an early start there was a good chance that you would be able to put together your lightsaber today.</p><p>As you got outside the ground was still wet with dew, and the fire was still burning ever so slightly, leaving the logs kissed with red and orange embers. </p><p>You slept with your kyber crystal tucked into your pocket so as soon as you got to your tree you sat down and began meditating.</p><p>Time passes quickly; the only reason you knew the day was going by was the feeling of the sun hitting your face as it reached different positions.</p><p>Finally, near the middle of the day, you felt it. You knew that it was time to build your lightsaber.</p><p>You slowly opened your eyes and took in the beauty of the nature filling your view. Ben was sitting around the fire reading the book of poetry you had given him; it was another thing he kept in his possession throughout the day. You had tried getting it back from him a few times, but to no avail. </p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m ready.” You say as you sit beside Ben. He closes up the book and then stands up and grabs the box of parts.</p><p>“Here you go.” he laughed, “Pick the pieces you want, and after that I can help you assemble it.” He gave you a delicate smile as he opened the book back up and picked up where he had left off.</p><p>You had an idea of what you wanted it to look like before, but after connecting with the stone, it was even more evident of how you wanted it to look.</p><p>You didn’t want metal, you wanted something that connected you to the nature surrounding you. You picked up the hilt made of Cartusion whalebone. </p><p>“Of course you would pick that.” Ben pokes fun when you grab the hilt from the box, you just make a face at him and then continue going through the pieces.</p><p>You managed to get them all, every piece you had imagined when envisioning your lightsaber was sitting in front of you.</p><p>“Okay,” you poke Ben’s leg, “I’m ready.”</p><p>A smile spreads across Ben’s face, “Good, I was getting tired of waiting.”</p><p>Ben started picking up the pieces and showing you how to place the together. He helped you put a few pieces together that you weren’t able to get. He showed you a few different ways to wrap your lightsaber, but you chose the first way he showed you, which was just a simple wrap. Finally, you got to putting your kyber crystal into your saber.</p><p>“Are you ready?” Ben smiled at you as he handed you the kyber crystal.</p><p>You nodded your head and grabbed the crystal from his hands.</p><p>“Here,” he guided your hands, “it goes right here. Whenever you are ready – just push it in.”</p><p>You take a deep breath and close your eyes. Once you exhale you push the crystal into its spot. You feel a rush of energy surging through the handle. </p><p>“You did it.” Ben proclaimed and gave you a small hug. “You can ignite it whenever you’re ready.”</p><p>You stood up to move away from him. You press the button and are absolutely amazed by how whole you feel; not only that but the saber is beautiful. Ben’s blade may look like an ocean trapped within it, but your blade looks like an entire planet was placed inside your blade.<br/>
Ben gives you a few moments before saying anything, “(y/n), it’s incredible.” He says as he keeps his seat by the fire.</p><p>You turn the saber off and go sit by him. Holding it close by your chest. You understand now why Ben never allows his to leave his sight.</p><p>“What’s for dinner tonight?” </p><p>“More lentils.” Ben laughs, “It’s all Luke gave me.” </p><p>He hands you a plate, but you weren’t going to argue, it was probably some of the better food you had had since living here.</p><p>After dinner you and Ben sat by the fire, watching its flames dance in the wind. Not much was said, but the energy surrounding the two of you was nearly intoxicating.</p><p>“Let’s go to bed.” You yawn as you stand up and head to the tent. Ben arrive to the tent slowly after you.</p><p>You both cuddle up close, and once again are asleep almost immediately.</p><p>		--</p><p>		“Kill him.”<br/>
“You’re more powerful than he could ever be.”<br/>
“Do it.”</p><p>		---</p><p>You wake up with sweat dripping down your face. You quickly notice you are not only standing above Ben, but you have ignited your lightsaber and have it pointed directly at his chest – just mere inches from touching him.</p><p>“(y/n) …” Ben’s voice is shaky; his lightsaber is also ignited blocking yours from being any closer.</p><p>It feels like a dream, but the longer you stare at Ben’s eyes, you realize that it’s real.</p><p>“Oh…” You turn off you saber and drop it, you immediately start crying.</p><p>You can hear Ben’s saber turn off and then you feel his arms wrap around you, guiding you back to the ground.</p><p>“(y/n), are you okay?” Ben’s voice was still shaky, he grabbed your saber and placed it beside his pillow.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” you try and get out, but you’re pretty sure it is inaudible. </p><p>“I know.” He puts you on top of him and holds you as tight as he possibly can.</p><p>“Ben, I could hear voices. I-” you push up on him to look at his face, “I wasn’t even awake.”</p><p>“I know.” He brushes away the hair from your face. He is noticeably still shaking, but he is trying to keep his demeanor calm to keep you relaxed. “(y/n), the voices, I hear them too.”</p><p>You burry your head into the spot between his shoulder and his head and let yourself cry harder than you have in months. Ben’s hand stays on you back, trying to calm you down.</p><p>“You can’t tell Luke you heard them.” Ben says softly into your ear. “He won’t want you at the Temple anymore.”</p><p>That makes you cry harder. It’s not like you were purposely hearing the voices or you purposely wavered to the dark side.</p><p>“I’m going to keep your saber by me tonight, okay (y/n)?” You nod your head and he kisses the side of your head as he rolls you off of him.</p><p>“Look at me,” he pushes you chin up to look at him, “I care about you (y/n), and this doesn’t change that.” </p><p>You nod your head, tears still falling from your eyes.</p><p>He leans forwards and kisses your forehead and pulls you back in so he can wrap you in his arms.</p><p>You both don’t sleep the rest of the night; maybe dozing off for a few minutes every hour, but nothing else.</p><p>As the sun peaks its way through the thin fabric of the tent Ben rolls away, placing both of your lightsabers in his satchel, and he starts to pack away everything else in the tent. </p><p>“Do we have to walk back today?” you voice sounds weak, and you aren’t sure if it’s from being tired or if it’s from being exhausted.</p><p>Ben nods his head and you get up and help him finish packing up the rest of the necessities. </p><p>Once you have everything packed Ben walks over to you and hugs you, “I promised you (y/n), nothing bad is going to happen to you.” He then proceeds to throw you over his shoulder and you don’t even laugh about it. You just let him carry you like that for what felt like at least an hour of the walk.</p><p>Once he put you down you both continued the rest of the trip in near silence.<br/>
After about four hours you could see the temple ahead of you. Ben grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze, </p><p>“Just, don’t say anything to Luke.” He practically brags.</p><p>“Of course.” You say.</p><p>As soon as you could see the path back to the huts you could see Luke blocking your path,</p><p>“Fuck,” Ben says under his breath.</p><p>You try and wipe your eyes to make it look as though you are more awake than you are,</p><p>“(y/n) what happened?” Luke was immediately standoffish towards the both of you.</p><p>Ben immediately tensed up and you could feel the tears starts to fall from both of your eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The more I write of Luke, the more I personally want to punch him.  But it is what it is.</p><p>Also, I sketched out (y/n)'s lightsaber if anyone is interested!</p><div class="center">
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <br/>  </p>
</div>I've been updating more frequently than I originally thought I would - and I'm hoping to keep it this way. So, expect an update daily; but the best way to keep up to date is on my <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> and I'll be posting when I upload a new chapter.
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry I didn't upload yesterday! Hopefully I'll stay mostly on a day-to-day schedule, but I'm sure sometimes it'll be two days.</p><p> </p><p>** Also, just a quick note: I don't really have anyone to look over my work; I try to read through it once or twice before I upload it, but I still miss errors and I'm sorry for that! Hopefully, I'll get better as this continues!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>It felt like hours had passed in complete silence, even though you know it had really only been a few moments. Luke’s gaze became more severe every passing second.</p><p>“You can’t stay here.” Luke’s eyes never left yours.</p><p>“Please don’t do that.” Ben was pacing back and forth behind you.</p><p>You were stuck speechless. Luke was talking to you, but Ben responded quicker than you could even process what was being said.</p><p>“You don’t understand what that would do to me.” Ben was kneading his thighs with his fingers, harder than normal. You were certain it would leave bruises. </p><p>You looked up at Luke, “I don’t quite understand what you would like me to do, Master.”</p><p>“(y/n), I can’t have two of you.” His gaze looks towards Ben who immediately turned to him.</p><p>“Then you can’t have either of us.” Ben’s entire body shifted; he straightened his posture and continued to stare at Luke, “You can’t have either of us.” He’s voice is almost at a whisper as he placed his gaze back on the ground and began pacing back and forth.</p><p>“Ben, you can’t go home.” Luke spits out,</p><p>“Who said I would go home?” Ben scoffs.</p><p>“You have nowhere else to go Ben. You’re staying here.”</p><p>“Then so is she.” He walks beside you. You can feel the anger radiating off of him, pulsating towards you, begging you to give in to the anger as well. “I promised her I would protect her, and I meant it.”</p><p>You allowed yourself to take a few deep breaths and reached out to stroke Ben’s arm. As soon as your hand touched him you could hear him release a deep breath.</p><p>“Master Luke,” you say softly, “If you kick me out, I have no other place to go. I killed my only family, wrecked my entire village,” </p><p>“They deserved it,” Ben says under his breath. You kick his foot to get him to shut up.</p><p>“I don’t think I’m strong enough to resist the dark side if I’m put on my own.”  You had noticed a few students walking past who had begun to stop and stare at the three of you.</p><p>Most of the students were now gawking at the news of you killing your father and village, you didn’t blame them, but you could feel Ben tense back up as his gaze shifted to the students.</p><p>“Leave! -” Ben yell and reached his hand out to use the force, but you notice his arm shifting up just in time and pulled it down, shifting his gaze towards you. The students started to run back towards the huts.</p><p>“Don’t.” you grab hold of his arm tighter. </p><p>Luke was staring at the two of you in disbelief but with a look of pure fear in his eyes.</p><p>“(y/n), I’ll give you two months – if anything else happens during that time, you’re gone.” Luke shifted his focus to Ben, “I can’t have you doing anything else like that either.”</p><p>Luke turns around to walk away and Ben falls to the ground, wrapping his arms around his knees and hiding his face.</p><p>You sit down beside Ben and wrap your arm around his shoulder. You contemplate what to say to him, but in the end it’s the best decision to just remain quiet. You can’t even begin to imagine what to say to yourself, let alone Ben. Getting kicked out wasn’t anything you had ever even thought was possible – and now that you have a timeline in which you can get kicked out you can feel yourself getting more anxious by the moment. </p><p>“Bean, I can’t lose you.” Ben’s body shakes with emotion and you just wrap your arm around him tighter.</p><p>“Hey, at least I’ll get to be here for your birthday.” You nudge him with your shoulder. He gives you a confused look, “After this many years did you think I was going to let you go another year without celebrating?” You were just trying to change the topic, but you were excited to celebrate his birthday with him. You never got to celebrate birthdays growing up, and you knew Ben hadn’t since he left home.</p><p>A smile spreads across his face, “I really can’t lose you.” He laughs as he tackles you onto the ground and wraps himself around you. </p><p>You both start laughing as he holds himself above you, he lays a light kiss on your forehead, “One day, (y/n), I hope we get to find out if this,” he points at the two of you, “can go any further.”</p><p>You stop laughing and just stare at him. He’s incredible and more importantly than that he’s the only person you’ve ever met that truly understands you. You don’t know how to respond and you become uncomfortable with the fact that whatever is between you and Ben can never really happen. Ben immediately notices your emotion shift,</p><p>“Shit, I-” he rolls off of you, “I’m sorry.</p><p>“It’s just, you know.” You can’t look at him, even though you can feel his eyes on you. </p><p>“You know? I don’t think I do?” He sounded genuinely confused, and when you finally turn to look at him you can tell he’s confused.</p><p>“Ben, can we talk about this somewhere not so open?” you gesture to the fact that you are both laying on the ground on a commonly used path.</p><p>He laughs and instantly stands up and gestures his hand out to grab yours,</p><p>“I didn’t mean right now.” You say as he pulls you off the ground.</p><p>“Well,” He tosses you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing “too bad.” </p><p>You’re laughing because at this point in the day it’s easier to feel happy than any other emotion. You playfully hit him on the back which causes him to just tighten his grip on you. </p><p>“Where are we going?” you say as you finally give up and just let him carry you.</p><p>“To the river,” he laughs, “where else would we go?” </p><p>You can tell now by your passing surroundings that that is indeed where you’re going. </p><p>The river was somewhere you and Ben frequented often. Usually in the middle of the night after one of his many nightmares when he couldn’t calm down, but sometimes you two would just go there to study or talk. It seemed like he was the only one there that knew that this river existed because you had never seen another student venture in that direction.</p><p>Ben put you on your feet once you arrived and started taking his shoes off. </p><p>“What if I still don’t want to talk about it?” you slowly start taking your shoes off, while Ben is already putting his feet in the water.<br/>Ben turns around to look at you, “That’s okay,” he cocks his head to the right, “we can just hang out instead.</p><p>You shake your head as you finish taking you shoes off. You slowly walk over there, trying to avoid any sharp rocks along the way. One you get beside him you slowly sit down and Ben instantly grabs your hands and pulls you to look at him,</p><p>“I am sorry for what I said earlier, but,” he smiles gently, “I did mean it.”</p><p>You could feel your heart drop. Once again you were left confused and unknowing of what to say next. </p><p>“Anyway,” he jokingly coughs, “want me to show you a way I like to calm down?”</p><p>You kept your eyes on him as he stood up from the edge and walked over to grab a rock.</p><p>He immediately used the force to push it into the air, “I know, it may not seem like much, but this always makes me feel better.”</p><p>You laugh, “Holding a rock in the air makes you feel better?”</p><p>He laughed and turned his attention back to the rock, “Not quite.” His stare grew more intensely and he quickly clenched his open fist closed. The rock shattered into what seemed to be a million pieces. You wanted to be scared of this but part of you knew you wanted to do it to. </p><p>Ben exhaled and turned to face you with a smirk, “Do you want me to show you how?” </p><p>You nod your head ‘yes’ and Ben goes back to grab another rock.</p><p>He walks slowly to you holding out the rock, “Here.” He places it in your hand. </p><p>“You know how to levitate it,” you nod, “so, do that first.” He laughs.</p><p>You put all of your focus into this rock. Feeling the force come at you in a wave, your skin prickling with energy. You divert that energy into the rock and it comes off of your hand and raises about two feet above you. </p><p>“So, the next part might sound scary but just trust me.”</p><p>“What’s the next part?” you let your focus shift slightly to him, while still holding the focus on the rock.</p><p>“All those feeling you were feeling earlier; the anger, the sadness, the frustration – let it consume you.” He takes another step towards you, “But, only for a second.”</p><p>You realize he’s implying to use the dark energy, “I don’t think I can do – “</p><p>You get cut off by Ben, “Trust me. I’ll be right here if you get too carried away.” He lets out a little laugh.</p><p>You think about Luke and instantly feel the anger rising in you. You feel the sadness that came over you when you thought you were being kicked out, the thought that that was going to be the last time you saw Ben. You can feel every inch of your body being consumed by this overwhelming feeling of power – more so than ever before, you feel in control.</p><p>Your focus stays on the rock and you think of it exploding, and as you do you clench your first just as Ben had. The rock turns into powder the instant your fingers touch your palm and you have to turn quickly to refrain from getting any dust into your eyes.</p><p>You can feel Ben’s hand grab your arm, “You’re okay.” </p><p>You can feel the power and control still building inside of you but as soon as you make eye contact with Ben you can feel yourself letting that feeling go.</p><p>“It’s overwhelming, but incredible.” He keeps his hand on your arm.</p><p>You mind is finally feeling back to normal, “Ben, should we even be doing that?”</p><p>“Having control of it is better than having no control at all.” He shrugs.</p><p>You just nod, thinking of the fact that if Luke had seen you do that you would be kicked out of here immediately. </p><p>But, part of you had never felt better about yourself. You felt in control, you felt powerful. You could feel yourself smiling.</p><p>“(y/n), I know it’s a great feeling but just know it can go bad really quick.”</p><p>“Like last night.” You say as you place your eyes on the ground around your feet.</p><p>“Yes, like last night.” </p><p>You both sat back down around the river and sat in silence until the sun had begun to set.</p><p>Your stomach growls and Ben looks over at you and laughs, </p><p>“Sadly, no lentils tonight.” You laugh.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure the mess hall will not nearly be as good as that.” Ben stands up and grabs your hand to help you up. </p><p>You both walk in the golden sunlight back to the mess hall.</p><p>Due to Ben’s almost altercation with the other students earlier, most were quick to move out of your way. </p><p>You sat at an empty table while Ben went and grabbed dinner. When he arrived he had already moved his fruit onto your plate and he instead had two pieces of bread.</p><p>“You don’t have to do that.” You tried to grab your bread back, he moved his plate out of you reach,</p><p>“Too bad.” He teased.</p><p>As you sat and talked there were a few stares and laughs that came from around the mess hall. Each time Ben heard someone laugh in your direction you could see him tense up but he ignored it to the best of his ability.</p><p>You had grown used to it. You had been there for a few months now and people still made fun of the both of you, but mostly Ben. You just laugh it off, but Ben lets it get to him, even if he doesn’t want to talk about it – you can tell.</p><p>As dinner wraps up the two of you head back towards the huts, “So, what do you want to do for your birthday?”</p><p>Ben laughs, “You don’t need to do anything, I’ll be 24 – I’m fine,” you look over at him, “really.”</p><p>You shrug, “That’s too bad, because we will do something regardless if you want to or not.”</p><p>Ben follows you into your hut and you both throw your satchels onto the ground, but Ben opens his up and hands you your lightsaber, </p><p>“You can put this in your nightstand.”</p><p>You stare at it and you are still in love with it, but the amount of power it emits scares you especially after last night. You grab it from him and put it in your nightstand and sit on your bed.</p><p>“Can I just sleep in here tonight?” Ben asks.</p><p>“What?” you laugh, “You don’t want to wake me up in a few hours?” </p><p>Ben takes that as a yes and plops himself beside you, </p><p>“Do you want to talk about earlier?” he looks at you, “I just want to understand why I upset you?”</p><p>You immediately tense up at him bringing it back up. </p><p>You nod your head, pondering what to say, “Then please understand this,” you take a deep breath, “You telling me that you wish we could see where this goes, when I know It’s never going to happen, hurts.” You keep your eyes on Ben and he reaches his hand out to grabs yours.</p><p>You feel his grip tighten around your hands, and you see his eyes start to dampen. </p><p>“You never know,” he tries to play off a laugh, “maybe something will change.”</p><p>“Sure.” You try and laugh as well but you both end up sitting in complete awkward silence.</p><p>Ben reaches over and grabs the Alderaanian Bedtime Stories off of your nightstand. </p><p>“Appenza Peak?” he asks; his voice is soft.</p><p>“Sounds good.” You nuzzle your head against him and let your eyes close.</p><p>You listen to him read this story, which had easily become your favorite ever since the first time he read it. </p><p>You don’t make it long into the story before you allow yourself to drift off into sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I literally am blown away with how many people have read this during the past few days and it has really made waking up and writing the best part of my day. So thank you all for the reads, the kudos, and the comments - I appreciate every single one of them so much! </p><p>I have so much planned for this story - literally I had to make a timeline just to figure out pacing - so I hope you all continue to enjoy the story! Feel free to comment below if you feel inclined! </p><p>As always, feel free to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> if you want to see random tweets (mostly Star Wars/Adam Driver), and also get updated on when I will be posting next!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I got an extra pair of eyes to look over the chapters before posting them, so a big thanks to MementoMorri for helping out! Hopefully there won't be as many, if any, errors as there were before :) </p><p> </p><p>*Chapter edited by MementoMorri.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>A few months have passed since the altercation with Luke and every day that went by felt more and more tedious trying to keep Luke from kicking you out.</p><p>Waking up this morning was easy, though Ben slept in his room the night before, waking up alone always felt a little off considering how often he was in there. It was Ben’s birthday, and you had been excited for this day for what felt like months at this point.</p><p>You had asked Luke in advance, more like begged, for him to let you and Ben have the day off to celebrate. After a lot of begging he finally gave in. He seemed to do so only after you had pointed out that Ben hadn’t celebrated in 14 years; to which he was taken aback by. </p><p>The sun had barely begun peeking through the cracks in the stone around your door when you decide to go ahead and get ready and meet Ben at his hut.</p><p>You throw on your robes and put the card you had made him into your satchel before quietly exiting your hut, the sun was shining brightly once you got out outside but you were hoping it hadn’t woken Ben up yet.</p><p>You quietly made your way to the door before pulling it open. You weren’t really the one to ever sleep in his hut so being in there still felt odd to you, however, Ben was still passed out with his head underneath his pillow. </p><p>You pulled the door closed behind you before setting your satchel down, keeping your eyes on the bed to ensure you hadn’t woken him while tugging off your shoes. Once you had everything placed by the door you walked quietly over to his bed.</p><p>“Good morning.” You whisper in his ear as you slowly pull the pillow off of his head.</p><p>His eyes slowly open with the feeling of the sun hitting his face, his attention immediately shifts over to you. </p><p>“Did you have a nightmare?” he pulled his blanket back to offer you a place to lay down. </p><p>“No,” you smile, “Happy birthday!”</p><p>He rolled his eyes and grunted as he pulled the blanket back over the spot he had previously offered you, you ignored that and jumped into the bed beside him.</p><p>“Come on it’s going to be a great day.” You plea.</p><p>“I’m sure it’s going to be so much fun to go to class all day and eat at the mess hall.” He scoffed.</p><p>You laugh, “Who said anything about going to class?” you lean forward in the bed, grabbing his hands to pull him up with you.</p><p>“What did you do?” he cocked his head to the side with questioning eyes.</p><p>“Hey, it only took a little convincing to make Luke give us the day off.” You give him a big smile; to which he doesn’t return.</p><p>“What’s so wrong with celebrating your birthday?” you try and joke, “Shouldn’t you be more excited?”</p><p>Ben keeps his facial expressions muted and shakes his head no, “It’s the only day of the year I hear from my parents.” His voice is soft as he keeps his focus in front of him.</p><p>You can feel yourself tense up as you try and ponder what to say to him. You know how much he resents his family, he loves them, but every choice that they have made for him has ruined him in some capacity. He had never mentioned that he had even talked to them in the last fourteen years; let alone every year.<br/>You reach out and grab his hands, “I’m sorry, I-” you look at him, “I didn’t know.”</p><p>“I know,” he places his hand on top of yours, “since you want to celebrate so bad, maybe you can do all the talking for me.” He laughs.</p><p>“Sure,” you laugh, “I’m sure they’ll gladly talk to some girl they don’t even know about.” </p><p>Ben nods his head, but changes the subject, “So, what are your plans for today?”</p><p>“Our plans,” you emphasize, “are to go hiking. Then I may have bribed Luke into loaning us the ship for the weekend.”</p><p>“Shit (y/n), you just have it all planned out don’t you.” He says sarcastically.</p><p>“Well, come on, let’s get started.” You grab Ben’s hand and pull him up off the bed with you. </p><p>As you pull Ben off the bed you can hear his holopad go off in his satchel. </p><p>“Fuck,” Ben hops off the bed and walks over to the satchel, “fuck,” he opens his satchel and pulls out his holopad. </p><p>He digs it out and presses a button that causes two figures to show up in the palm of his hand. </p><p>“Happy birthday Ben!” you can hear them exclaim.</p><p>They look happy. His father, you think Ben told you his name was Han, was handsome. Ben looked exactly like him. </p><p>But his mother, Leia you thought, was gorgeous. She had her hair pulled up tight to her head, and she was smiling ear-to-ear while resting her arm around Han’s waist. </p><p>You could hear them talk when you saw Ben’s eyes peek over them and to you, he gestured his fingers for you to come over there.</p><p>You shook your head ‘no’, uncomfortable with them meeting you when you knew how Ben felt about them – and you knew everything they had ever done to him.</p><p>“I want you to meet someone.” Ben smiled at you, knowing that you had to come meet them now.</p><p>You slowly walked over there,</p><p>“Meet someone, Ben?” you could hear Leia get almost antsy.</p><p>As you walked over and sat down beside Ben on his bed you saw Han and Leia’s face both shift to shock but a smile spread across Han’s face.</p><p>“Hi,” you say softly, not really knowing what else to say, “My name is (y/n).” you can feel Ben staring at you with a smile spread across his face.</p><p>His parents were both looking at each other, smiling, and then glancing back over to Ben.</p><p>“Well, is Luke making you attend class all day?” Han asked.</p><p>You shook your head, “I got him to let us have the day off so he could have a proper celebration.” You smiled and tried to not sound to snarky.</p><p>“Good,” Leia let a small smile spread across her face, similar to how Ben smiles, “He needs someone to take care of him.” </p><p>You felt yourself tense up as you wanted to call them out for leaving him to fend for himself the last fourteen years, but you knew that wasn’t your place. So, you just smiled back at her.</p><p>“Hopefully we will get to meet you in-person one day (y/n).” Han’s soft voice carried through the hut as he smiled at you.</p><p>“Yeah,” you tried not to scoff, “that would be great.”</p><p>They continued to talk to Ben for at least thirty minutes. They were asking him how things were going here at temple, questioning him if we were more than friends – to which Ben got super uncomfortable and changed the subject, then they asked about his nightmares; this made him tense up immediately so you jumped in to help,</p><p>“Hey,” you waved, “sorry to cut this short, but we have a schedule actually so we should probably get going.” You smiled at Ben as he looked at you graciously, “It was nice meeting you, Han and Leia.”</p><p>“It was nice meeting you as well (y/n),” they said in unison, “maybe we will get to see you soon Ben.” They smiled and Ben clicked it off before saying goodbye.</p><p>“Are you rea-” Ben cut you off, grabbing your hands,</p><p>“They like you.” Ben spits out, “And they want to meet you?” he questions. “In my fourteen years here, they’ve never once said they hoped to see me soon. But now that you were on the call with me, they want to see me.” He shrugged. </p><p>“I mean, maybe that’s a good thing.” You look at him and he’s staring at you with soft eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, maybe it is.” He wrapped his arms around you and gave you a tight hug.<br/>You both got your stuff ready and went to the mess hall to grab breakfast before heading out for the weekend, you sat mostly in silence with some small talk scattered in between, but both of you preferred silence to small talk. </p><p>“Happy birthday Ben.” Luke’s voice came from behind Ben and he instantly tensed up, squeezing his fists together.</p><p>“Thanks.” Ben scoffed.</p><p>“(y/n), Luke’s attention shifted to you, “I got a bag of food ready for the two of you, I was hoping I would catch you before you left.” He extended his arm out with a heavy bag filled with snacks, drinks, and food. </p><p>“Thank you Master Luke.” You give him a slight smile and he pats Ben’s shoulder as he walks away.</p><p>“What if I don’t want to go hiking?” Ben looks at you gently.</p><p>“Well, it’s your birthday, so I guess we can do whatever you want.” You give him a smirk and he instantly jumps up from the table and pulls you up with him.</p><p>Ben grabs the bag of food Luke had brought you two, and you start walking towards the ships.</p><p>“So, are you flying?” Ben laughs.</p><p>“I’ve never flown a ship in my entire life, so I think it would be best if you did.” You laugh at him.</p><p>He grabbed your hand and led you to the ship you had the keys to.</p><p>“This one will do.” He scoffs as the side opens up to allow the two of you to get in. </p><p> </p><p>The ship was nothing special, however you didn’t imagine Luke was going to give you some incredible ship to take this weekend. He didn’t even want to give it to you, he thought you two were going to leave for good. However, you convinced him that you would come back, that and you made him feel guilty for not giving Ben a birthday the entire time he had been there.</p><p>There was a seat behind the piolet seat, so you placed your satchel in the cabinet near the door and went and got buckled in. </p><p>Ben placed the bag of food in the same cabinet and then slowly made his way to the piolet seat, a smile spread across his entire face.</p><p>“Thank you for this.” Ben says as he latches the belt across his lap. </p><p>Ben starts pressing buttons quicker than you can even begin to process, and you can hear the engine begin to get louder by the second.</p><p>“Are you ready?” Ben looks over his shoulder, laughing as he turns back around.</p><p>You managed to nod your head ‘yes,’ however you had no idea if Ben was any good as a pilot. </p><p>The ship left the ground pretty immediate, you could feel your stomach rise to your throat, but you brushed it off as quickly as you could.</p><p>“Where are we going?” You ask Ben as he presses buttons as we get closer to exiting the atmosphere. </p><p>He stayed quiet until we were completely in space. Stars were shining around us in every direction. It was beautiful, more beautiful than you remember it being when you were in the ship with Luke.</p><p>“Chandrila.” Ben says softly as he continues to place buttons.</p><p>“What’s there?” you smile at him. </p><p>“It’s beautiful.” He looks back at you as he places the ship into autopilot, “There’s water everywhere and lots of hills.” He smiles.</p><p>“So, you’ve been there before?” you’re confused, because you didn’t think Ben had been too many places outside of his home planet and the temple. Then you remembered Ben telling you about his home planet, describing it in the same way, “Ben, I don’t think we should do that.”</p><p>His stare grows more intense, “Why not?”</p><p>You stay silent for longer than you meant, trying to think of how to answer that without hurting Ben’s feelings, </p><p>“What if they aren’t there?” that wasn’t your real concern, but it worked.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I can show you around.” Ben set his focus back to the control panel as he prepared to put the ship into light speed.</p><p>You tighten your belt and close your eyes. You’re concerned with showing up unannounced, what if they didn’t actually want to see Ben? They could’ve just been saying that earlier to make things seem better than they were. </p><p>You let out a deep exhale as you feel the ship jump to light speed.</p><p>As fast as you can exhale, you’re already hovering outside the planet of Chandrila.</p><p>As soon as the planet comes into the view of the window, you can see the smile spread across Ben’s face. This is a side of Ben you have never seen; a desire to see his parents that have treated him like nothing for so many years.</p><p>“I just need to see them.” Ben turns and looks at you, “I promise I won’t hurt them, and if things seem off we will leave before things can get bad. It’s been fourteen years, and I want to see my parents.”</p><p>He places his focus back on the planet, putting us through the atmosphere and then you can really see how beautiful it is. The closer you get to landing the more buildings you can see, but more importantly the nature that stretches across all sides of the city. It was absolutely stunning, and part of you was happy that Ben brought you here – just so you could see it.</p><p>Landing came easily, not a single bump before Ben brought the ship to a halt.</p><p>As the hatch opened for you to leave, you grabbed your satchel out of the cabinet and Ben left his. You stared at him in awe for a few moments, noting that he was willingly leaving his lightsaber behind as you two ventured into a vast amount of unknown. </p><p>He grabbed your hand once you got to the bottom of the ramp, “I told you it was beautiful.” He watched his face as he took in the entire view, a smile never leaving his face. </p><p> </p><p>You two walked in silence as he pulled you into the city from the hangar. </p><p> </p><p>“So, how far do we have to go?” you looked at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Shouldn’t be too far if my memory serves me right.” He pulled you down a side street.</p><p>You walked a few blocks more when you finally came into the view of a large building of what looked to be apartments.</p><p>“There it is.” His pace instantly increased as he grabbed your hand and pulled you behind him. </p><p> </p><p>You couldn’t help but be overwhelmingly nervous at the idea that they wouldn’t want you there, you didn’t know what that would do to Ben.</p><p>He pulled you up several flights of stairs until you finally arrive at a door number 501.</p><p>He glanced back at you with a small smile spread across his face, but you could feel the nervousness radiating off of him. </p><p>“We don’t have to do thi-” Before you could finish the sentence Ben was already knocking on the door.</p><p>You could hear rustling behind the door, and an audible gasp from what you could only assume was Leia.</p><p>The door lock was undone and the door slowly opened revealing Ben’s mother, Leia, who was quite a bit smaller than you imagined.</p><p>“Ben,” she never moved, she looked to be in complete shock, “You, you can’t be here right now.” Her glace moved to you and then back at Ben, she looked scared.</p><p>“I don’t understand why?” Ben looked upset, his eyes were glistening with tears.</p><p>“It’s just not a good –” Leia’s attention went back into the apartment where you could hear a TV playing.</p><p> </p><p><i>“Leia Organa, a political hero, true heritage revealed by rival.”</i> The TV echoed throughout the walkway.</p><p>Ben eyes grew from glistening with tears to confused, “What is that about?” </p><p> </p><p>“Ben, really now is not a good time.” Her face looked scared, as if she didn’t know how to answer anything Ben was saying.</p><p>“I’m not leaving.” Ben said sternly, “I came to see you and dad after fourteen years, you can’t just close the door in my face like you always do.”</p><p>You looked over at Ben, confused at what to do or say at this point. </p><p>“Maybe we should leave Ben.” You plea.</p><p>“No, I’m coming in.” </p><p>Ben pushes Leia out of the way and enters the apartment. Leia looks at you with sad eyes, and you try and give her a smile but it just won’t come.</p><p>She pushes the door open for you to enter and you can hear Ben before you even take a step through the door,</p><p>“What is this about?” his voice is deep, rougher than you have ever heard it.</p><p>As you make your way into the room he was in, you see it being broadcasted that Darth Vader was Leia Organa’s father.</p><p>“Ben, I don’t know what to say.” Leia wrapped her arms around herself and kept her distance form Ben.</p><p>“You could tell me the truth.” Ben spits out, angry. You can feel the anger radiating off of him in dangerous waves.</p><p>Leia shakes her head, and sits on the couch beside the two of you. </p><p>“Then we need to talk.” Leia says sternly, keeping her voice from showing the anxiety you can see on her face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so grateful for all the reads and support I've gotten on this fic, especially since it is the first fic I've ever written - and like the first time I've done creative writing in over seven years.</p><p>I hope you are all enjoying the story still and enjoying where it's going. My husband asked me earlier what percentage I thought I was through the story and I gave him an estimate of around 5-10% of the way through; he laughed and told me I was was writing a novel at that point, to which I said of course I am. </p><p>As always feel free to comment below if you feel so inclined, it really does make my day to see people interacting with my story! </p><p>If you want to keep up with chapter updates feel free to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really enjoyed writing this chapter so I hope you all enjoy it!</p><p> </p><p>*Chapter edited by MementoMorri.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>“Ben,” Leia’s body language was tight, “we always wanted to tell you, when the time was right.”</p><p>“Tell me what?” Ben scoffs. His body language is dangerous; he has he hands clasped together tightly resting on his knees.</p><p>You sat there in silence. You knew of Darth Vader – everyone did. The turmoil that he had caused across the entire galaxy was enough to ruin generations; even you had felt the ramifications that he had brought to your home planet. </p><p>“Ben, it’s true.” Leia closed her eyes tightly, “Darth Vader is your grandfather, but you should know –” before Leia could finish her sentence Ben had stood up and darted into a room off to the corner, you could hear him pacing and decided to follow him.</p><p>Leia never opened her eyes as you passed by her to get to the room Ben went into.</p><p>He was pacing quickly from one end of the room the other while digging his fingers into the tops of his legs. He never looked up as you walked through the doorway, you stood in the doorframe and watched him, pondering what the best approach to comforting him would be. </p><p>“Ben,” you say softly, keeping your eyes on him to make sure he doesn’t do anything rash. </p><p>“Go away.” He never picked his eyes off the ground, if anything his pace only quickened with the knowledge of your presence </p><p>“You know I’m not going to do that.” You push your voice to be a bit sterner, “You said yourself if things got tense we would leave.” Your eyes follow him as he slows down, “I think it’s time to leave Ben.”</p><p>Ben shakes his head ‘no’, turning to finally face you and picking his gaze up from the ground to meet your face. </p><p>You can feel every emotion he is feeling at the moment as if he is projecting them onto you. You feel his disappointment, his anger, his betrayal, and more importantly you can feel the darkness flowing through him more than usual.</p><p>You take that as an indication that you needed to do more than just stand and stare at him as if to just be waiting for him to act upon his emotions. You slowly walk across the room, keeping your eyes on his as he watches you carefully as you approach him.</p><p>You grab his wrists tightly and pull them away from his thighs. His eyes haven’t left yours, but his lips have opened just slightly. You pull his wrists up to your waist where you carefully place them around you, you take a step closer to him and allow yourself to wrap your arms around him, embracing him completely. </p><p>As soon as you wrap your arms around him his entire body drops and you can feel him shaking as you hear him sobbing into your shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll never be good (y/n). I no longer have that choice.” Ben says between tears. </p><p> </p><p>Your body freezes and you push Ben off of you, locking your eyes with his you can see the panic in his face, “That choice is yours Ben. No one else’s. Especially not a dead relative – even if that relative is Darth Vader.”</p><p>Ben tries to push himself back into you, to be held again, but you keep your distance.  </p><p>“I’m not going to sit here and let you throw away everything we’ve worked together on just because of this bump in the road.” You grab his head in your hands and tilt his head up. “If you’re going to embrace the darks side it better be for something better than this.” You spit out.</p><p>He watches your face as you never falter in the words you say, it’s as if he is waiting for you to keep talking but you had said all you needed to say.</p><p>You weren’t going to tell Ben he couldn’t embrace the dark side – you thought the Jedi and the Sith both had their flaws, and you weren’t sure which one was the better of the two – but you knew Ben’s conflict, and this wasn’t the right time for him to throw away all the progress he has made in the last fourteen years.</p><p>You can hear footsteps coming towards the doorway and both you and Ben turn around to see Han standing in the doorframe, his energy is anxious, and you can see it on his face that he had no idea what to do. </p><p>“Ben,” Han took a step into the room when his gaze finally met yours, “(y/n).” He tried to smile.</p><p>You gave him a cautious look, not knowing if him entering the room was the most intelligent decision given the circumstances.</p><p>Ben softened his demeanor the moment Han got close, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Ben was crying harder now than he was before.</p><p>Han looked defeated. You knew he had fought with Leia about sending him off to Luke, and you imagined that he fought with her about this secret too.</p><p>Han bent down beside you and wrapped his arms around Ben, Ben’s whole body shook as he continued to cry into Han’s shoulder. </p><p>You stayed there watching this exchange for several moments before deciding to leave them alone to talk, it seemed that Ben needed his father more than he needed you at that moment and you were okay with that. You were however uncomfortable with the idea of having to talk to Leia alone, especially now.</p><p>You slowly made your way out of the room, returning to the room you had left Leia in. </p><p>Leia was pacing back and forth with her hand resting on the front of her face.</p><p>“Sorry to bother you, but I’m going to come out here if that is okay with you?” You speak up so she can hear you.</p><p>She pulls her hand from her face and looks at you with soft eyes, she gives you a slight nod so you sit on the couch.</p><p>“I should properly introduce myself,” she holds out her hand and you shake it adamantly, “I’m Leia Organa, which I’m sure you know that, but I feel it’s only right for me to introduce myself to you.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know who you are.” You pull your hand back and give her a snarky smile, “I’m (y/n).”</p><p>“Luke has told us about the two of you.” </p><p>You freeze up, immediately knowing that she knows of your past just by the way her demeanor changed when she brought up Luke.</p><p>“Great.” You scoff.</p><p>She sits down beside you on the couch, slowly, and places her hand on your leg. You stare at her hand, uncomfortable with her attempt to comfort you when her son is sitting in shambles in the other room.</p><p>“I think it’s great for Ben to have you around.” She pats your leg, “He needs to know he isn’t alone out there with what he is going through.”</p><p>“Yeah.” You spit out.</p><p>“I know you know all that we’ve done to him, or really the lack of what we’ve done with him.” Her voice gets softer, “I can understand why you wouldn’t like Han or myself but thank you for being there for our son when we wouldn’t.”</p><p>You stand up to remove yourself from her presence, nodding your head in agreement.</p><p>“Not liking you would be an understatement and I don’t need a ‘thank you’ from you for taking care of one of the nicest people I have ever met.” You can feel the anger building up inside of you, your hands finding their way to your thighs. </p><p>Leia closes her eyes and you know your words have cut her deep, you decide to make your way back into the room with Ben because you didn’t know if you could stand being with Leia any longer.</p><p>Ben and Han were talking softly. Han’s eyes were soft, and Ben was back to smiling, they laughed at something as you made your way through the door.</p><p>Ben looked up and met your gaze with soft eyes, and his lips pulled back into a slight smirk.</p><p>Han stood up and reached his hand out to shake yours, “I should properly introduce myself.” You met his hand with a firm shake, however you never removed your glance from Ben’s.</p><p>He looked like a completely different person than when you had left him; his face was soft; his body was no longer radiating the anger he was before – but you could tell by his stare that he could feel yours.</p><p>Ben stood up and put himself beside you,</p><p>“Can we have a moment?” Ben softly requested. Han nodded and made his way out of the room, closing the door behind him. </p><p>You sat yourself down where you were standing trying to breathe through the anger prickling your skin.</p><p>“What happened?” Ben perched down beside you resting his hand on your knee as Leia had done earlier.</p><p>You let out an exhale, “Leia,” you scoff, “she thanked me for taking care you when they wouldn’t. They have never once even tried to care for you but she had the audacity to thank me for doing her job.” </p><p>You look up to Ben whose eyes grew sad.</p><p>“You don’t have to take care of me if you don’t want to,” Ben places his hand on your face, “but I want you to.” </p><p>You held your breath, thinking of what to do, what to say,</p><p>“No, I want to.” You keep your voice soft but stern so Ben knows you mean it. </p><p>His gaze remains on you but he pushes himself back away from you. </p><p>You sit in silence and you ponder if you should have kissed him. You were so close to him, your body almost pushed you to do it just from the energy radiating between the two of you. You knew you both had feelings for each other, but you also knew how Ben felt about romantic relationships. It was probably for the best that you didn’t, you didn’t want this day to get any worse.</p><p>Ben leans forward and places his lips on your forehead. The kiss feels severe like he needs the affection, and you do to and he can tell so he stays for several moments before pulling away.</p><p>“We can leave,” Ben goes over to the door, “if that’s what you want.” </p><p>You stand up and meet Ben at the door, “ No, we can stay if that is what you need.” You brush your hand against his, “Plus, it’s your birthday.” You tease. </p><p> </p><p>His face turns red as he starts to open the door, you can hear footsteps picking up speed behind the door but when the door opens there was no one standing there.</p><p>Ben rolls his eyes, “I’m sure dad was being nosey.”</p><p>He grabs your hand and you two walk back into the main room. </p><p>Han and Leia are talking softly as the two of you walk in, they both look up, their glances meeting you before they look at Ben.</p><p>You both sit on the couch as Ben and his parents discuss the things  that had gone on.<br/>Leia apologizes to the both of you for the way they’ve acted, and for hiding the truth from Ben for so long.</p><p>“You have to go back to Luke though Ben, you need him more now than before.” Han says sternly.</p><p>“I know.” Ben says back.</p><p>“And (y/n), I am really sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.” Han shifts his focus to you, it’s striking how similar Ben looks to him, “But I really do hope you’ll stick around long enough to visit again.” He gives a smirk.</p><p>You knew he had heard everything that had been exchanged between the two of you in the room earlier, and you knew he meant it when he said he wanted you to stick around.</p><p>You give him a smile a slight nod and then Ben leans in close to your ear, his breath spreading across your neck. “Let’s leave.” He said softly into your ear. </p><p>You look over and give him a smile.</p><p>“I think we are going to leave.” Ben stands up and helps you off the couch, “It is my birthday and all and I’d hate to ruin (y/n)’s plans.” He goes over and gives Han a hug. </p><p>“Happy Birthday son.” Han says softly.</p><p>Ben shakes Leia’s hand, and she pulls him into a hug,</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Ben gently breaks away, giving her a gentle smile.</p><p>You walk over and Han and Leia both give you a slight smile before Ben grabs your hand and pulls you out the door.</p><p>Once you make it down the flights of stairs Ben gives you a soft look, “I’m sorry I did this,” Ben keeps walking, shifting his focus to in front of him. “I just had a feeling that I needed to see them. I guess I learned what that feeling was.” Ben’s voice was pained.</p><p>“It’s okay.” You look around and realize how beautiful the planet is once again, “We can stay here tonight if you want?” </p><p>“Sounds like a plan.” </p><p>You both walk in silence back to the hangar bay where the two of you get back into the ship.</p><p>The ship had two bedrooms, they were both incredibly small, but you figured regardless that Ben would end up sleeping with you.</p><p>As you two sit around the table in the ship you remember the birthday card you had made him.</p><p>“Oh!” you exclaim as you get up to get and grab your satchel, “I made you something.” You say as you’re digging through your satchel, finally pulling out the card.<br/>Ben’s eyes watch you as you walk across the ship, a smile spread across his face.</p><p>“Happy birthday.” You place the card in front of him and return the smile.</p><p>He opens it slowly and pulls it out, the smile on his face just continuing to grow. As he flips it open his eyes pan across the paper, reading everything you had written.</p><p>You had kept it short and sweet, expressing to him how much he had meant to you and regardless of any decision he made you would be with him through the journey. You told him that you appreciated the offer to keep you safe for the rest of your life, but you were going to keep him just as safe for as long as he would let you. You finished it up by writing down the poem from the book that you had given him when you two first met. </p><p>You could tell when he had finished it as he quickly looked up at you with a smile spread across his face.</p><p>“Thank you for this.” He grabs your hands, “It really means the galaxy to me.”</p><p>You give him a smile, “I meant every word.” </p><p>You both sit and play a game of dejarik and he beats you easily.</p><p>“I guess we will have to try this again.” You yawn.</p><p>“Ready for bed?” Ben asks and you nod.</p><p>He helps you off the chair and throws you over his shoulder, you can’t help but laugh and you can hear Ben laughing too.</p><p>As he places you on one of the bed he reaches into his satchel and pulls out the bedtime story book, “Did you think I would forget?” he scoffs.</p><p>“Of course not.” You laugh as he pulls himself into the bed beside you, and you pull yourself closer to him.</p><p>You barely make it a sentence into the story before you find yourself drifting off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I love their soft moments so much - I literally strive to write as many as I can.</p><p>Ben's relationship to his entire family <i> stresses </i> me out though, but I also really enjoyed writing the interaction between him and his parents. </p><p> </p><p>I appreciate every single reader so much! You all make waking up and writing a whole lot easier - and I can't wait to see how you all feel as this story continues! </p><p>I would love to connect with you guys! You can follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> for chapter updates and other Adam Driver/Star Wars content. Also, feel free to DM me on there if you want to talk about anything!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this chapter is up so late! But hopefully the content makes up for it ;)</p><p> </p><p>*Chapter edited by MementoMorri.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>You could smell caf brewing when you woke up, rustling around in the blankets before realizing Ben was no longer lying beside you.</p><p>Yesterday felt like a blur with all the emotions that you had experienced with meeting Ben’s family, but last night made you feel happy to have gone through that with him.</p><p>You push yourself out of bed and open the door leading back to the common area of the ship. As the door opens wide enough for you to see into the room you make eye contact with Ben who immediately flashes you a smile.</p><p>“I made breakfast with some of the stuff Luke gave us.” He gestured towards the bag of food on the countertop. </p><p>You walked into the room and sat down at the table where you played dejarik the night before. Ben walked over and placed a full plate of food in front of you, before placing one in front of himself as he sat down. </p><p>He had made what looked to be blue milk pancakes as well as some fruit. </p><p>“Where’s my caf?” you give Ben a smirk as he pulls a mug to his mouth. </p><p>“I didn’t know if you liked caf,” Ben hands you his mug, “I only made enough for myself, but you can have it.” He smiles as you take the mug from him.</p><p>“Thanks.” </p><p>You both sit in silence as you eat the breakfast he had prepared. At some point during the meal, Ben had gotten up to start another cup of caf for himself.</p><p>“Do you want another cup?” Ben looks over his shoulder as he finishes pouring the caf into his mug.</p><p>You shake your head ‘no’, “One cup should have me set for the rest of the day.” You laugh. </p><p>“Fair enough,” Ben sits back down at the table, “so, what is on the agenda today?”</p><p>You finish chewing the last bite of food on your plate and look over at Ben, “Well, I was hoping we could actually go hiking today and maybe camp tonight?”</p><p>“Any idea for what planet we should go to?” a smile spread across Ben’s face.</p><p>“I couldn’t name one if I wanted to.” You laugh.</p><p>Ben reaches over and grabs your hands in his, “There’s a really good hiking place on this planet, if you’re okay staying here?”</p><p>You agree even though the thought of seeing Han or Leia again makes you completely uncomfortable, you figured that they were dealing with enough stuff that they wouldn’t casually be out hiking any time soon. </p><p>As Ben finishes up his mug of caf he goes to the fresher to shower and get ready for the day, you decide to just put a change of clothes on.<br/>When you packed up your satchel for the weekend you had decided to throw in a few of your older outfits, you loved your Jedi robes but you knew it was going to be more comfortable to go on a hike in a plain shirt and sweatpants. </p><p>You meet Ben out in the main area after you get ready, noticing  that he has on a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain black pullover. His hair was still wet with strands stuck around the edges of his face.</p><p>“Huh, guess we had the same idea.” He laughs as his eyes look you up and down which makes you cross your arms over your chest as if to hide something, “I miss you like this.” </p><p>He walks over with his arms spread open as he wraps himself around you, picking you up slightly as his embrace gets tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” you laugh as you try to wiggle yourself from his grip, “ready to go hiking?” </p><p>Ben puts you down and picks up his satchel from the ground, with a slight nod of his head and a press of a button the two of you leave the ship to begin your day hiking. </p><p>Ben was carrying the bag filled with all the camping supplies and you were tugging around the bag of food.</p><p>It was still early in the day when the two of you had finally made it to the hiking destination, in awe of how beautiful the land was, stopping at the beginning of the path just to take it all in.</p><p>“I forget how little of this galaxy you have actually seen.” Ben notices you had stopped and turned around to look at you, “It only gets more beautiful as the trail goes on.” He reaches his hand out to grab yours and you let him pull you along the trail.</p><p>The trees were incredibly tall and the tops of them covered the entire sky leaving you walking in their shadow, there was a distinct path you were following that was carved into the ground with dirt where tall grass covered the rest of the land. </p><p>You had been walking for nearly two hours and you hadn’t seen anyone else on the path.</p><p>“Can we talk about yesterday?” You decide to test the waters, hoping that since you two were alone he would want to talk.</p><p>“What about it?” he kept his eyes focused in front of him.</p><p>“I mean you learned your grandfather was,” you lower your voice, “Darth Vader. You have to have something to talk about.” </p><p>You could see his body tense at just the mention of his grandfather’s name.</p><p>When he didn’t respond you decided to say something else, “I mean, it must at least be nice to know why the dark side is calling to you so strongly.” </p><p>Ben stopped walking and turned to face you, “Let’s not talk about this.” His voice was tense.</p><p>He swiftly turned back around and picked up his pace as he walked ahead of you. </p><p>“Ben!” you pick up your pace to get beside him, “I’m sorry, I just, I want to talk to you about it. It’s kind of a huge deal.”</p><p>“It’s only a ‘huge deal’ because you’re making it one.” He looked over with you with severe eyes, you thought to yourself that if eyes could kill then that would’ve been it. </p><p>“I care about you Ben and I don’t want you just burying this down and never talking about it.”</p><p>“If you cared about me you would keep your mouth shut.” He turned back around and started walking.</p><p>You knew his family was already a sensitive subject, but things just got ten times more complicated. You were upset that he refused to talk about it with you but you were more upset with how he was talking to you. </p><p>“You can’t expect me to just let you talk to me like that.” You grabbed Ben’s arm causing him to come to a complete stop.</p><p>“Then you should keep your desire to know my every feeling to yourself.” He scoffed.</p><p>You could feel the anger building inside of you, threatening to prickle your skin and you could tell that Ben was feeling the same way.</p><p>You wanted to back off, to stop arguing, but something inside you wanted it to keep going. </p><p>“Your family tries to love you and you make it impossible!” You exclaim, “My father killed my sister and sold me to others for fun and your father would bend over backwards to make you happy. So, maybe, just maybe, you need to grow up.”</p><p>You felt a tightness grow around your body and your feet started to leave the ground, you stared at Ben as he lifted you higher. “Did you ever think that maybe you deserved it too.” He spits out and immediately drops you.</p><p>You brace yourself for the impact of falling by clenching your body and closing your eyes, but you never felt the ground. As you slowly open your eyes you can see Ben slowly placing you onto the ground.</p><p>As soon as you felt the ground below you, you stood up and stared at Ben, feeling the tears falling down your face. Of course you had thought that you deserved it, you grew up in that environment and for the longest time thought it was normal, and after your mother died you figured you deserved it just for not being able to save her.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Ben couldn’t look at you, you could feel the panic radiating off of him.</p><p>You walked over and stopped directly in front of him. As soon as his eyes met yours, your hand met his face with more power than you had ever even attempted to use. Pain immediately shot through your arm, but that thought was immediately replaced by the feeling of guilt you had when Ben’s eyes met yours again.</p><p>Ben immediately steps back, placing distance between the two of you. “I deserved that.” His hand is resting on his face where you hit him. </p><p>All the anger in your body is nearly dissipated once you realize that you had just hit Ben. </p><p>You take a step towards him, reaching out to him to apologize, but he immediately steps back again. “(y/n), I don’t want you to come closer to me, please.” He pleads. </p><p>Your eyes instantly leave his and fall to the ground, you hadn’t realized you were still crying until you saw the tears falling off your face onto the ground beside your feet. </p><p>“Bean,” he says softly, hearing your pet name makes you feel worse about hitting him, “I really did not mean what I said. You never deserved anything that happened to you,” he crouches down so he can look you in the eyes, “I hope you know that.” </p><p>“I know.” You try and stabilize your voice between the tears that were flowing down your face, “Can we not do this again?” you gestured between the two of you. </p><p>“I don’t ever want to hurt you.” Ben says softly, keeping his eyes on you. He shifts his focus to look around, and you both notice the sun is beginning to set. “I understand if you want to cut this short and just go back to ship and head back to the temple.”</p><p>You nod your head ‘no’, “Let’s keep going.” You pick your head up and wipe away all the tears that were still falling down your face.</p><p>Ben looks at you questionably but you start walking again on the path and he follows in behind you. </p><p>“If you want to talk, let’s talk.” Ben gives you a soft look as he catches up to you.</p><p>“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” You are scared that talking will just cause more conflict between the two of you, and you didn’t want to find out how far either of you could go if wanted.</p><p>“I owe it to you.” Ben keeps his focus in front of him, “Bean, I’m terrified.” </p><p>You could hear the anxiety in his voice, “I don’t think knowing this part of my past is going to help me. If anything, I think my nightmares are going to get worse.” He keeps his voice soft, “I never had a connection before, at least not one that I could place. Now, it’s like a face I can place to voice in my head.” </p><p>You look over at him, noticing his face has begun to bruise where you hit him, “It’ll be ok.” You look back at the path.</p><p>“I don’t think it will be, last night I dreamt of him.” you turned to look at him. “He was telling me to join him, to leave all of this behind to feel what true power felt like.”</p><p>He sounded defeated and you had no clue how to even begin to console him, “Well, what do you want?” </p><p>Ben turned to look at you, a fire burning in his eyes as he took a step closer to you, you kept your eyes on his as he placed his hand on your face and pulled it to his, “What I want is this.” His voice was low and soft.</p><p>You panicked as you realized he was leaning his head into yours, parting his lips ever so slightly and then his lips touched yours - every ounce of panic you had disappeared and you kissed him back harder.</p><p>Ben pulled away, his face was now not only bruised from your hand but completely red from blushing under your touch.</p><p>“That’s a stupid thing to want.” You don’t know what else to say.</p><p>You look at Ben who was staring right back at you. You really look at him; what he was wearing, the way his hair fell around his face, the way the sunset had caused his skin to look as though it was glowing -  you wanted to remember this moment.</p><p>“I just wanted to see what that was like.” Ben shifted his gaze forwards and began walking again, you could notice the camping spot ahead.</p><p>“And?” you sounded too eager to know what he thought.</p><p>He kept his focus forward, but spoke up so you could hear him, “Unfortunately, it was as perfect as I thought it would be.”</p><p>You could feel yourself blushing, not knowing what else to say you follow in behind him as he places the bag down to get started putting up the tent.</p><p>“Unfortunately?” you knew why it was unfortunate, at least for you, it was an impossible relationship. You two were stupid enough to let moments like this happen which just made you desire the relationship even more.</p><p>“Han had told me yesterday after you left the room that I needed to do that,” he put the tent supplies down and looked at you, “he told me that I owed it to myself and to you to let you know where my feelings were.” He lets out a small laugh, “I guess he could tell by the way I looked at you every time you spoke.”</p><p>You could feel yourself blushing again, “What does this mean for us though? I know you don’t want a relationship – I mean at least you’ve made it clear to me in the past that you don’t – and I just need to know what to expect so I know if I should get my hopes up or not.” You sounded frantic.</p><p>Ben’s smile quickly turned into a look of sadness and you knew exactly what that meant, “I don’t think right now, with everything else going on, is a great time to test the chances of a relationship.”</p><p>You could feel yourself getting emotional so you took a seat on the ground and let out a long exhale.</p><p>Ben knew you were done talking so he continued to put up the tent. Once he got it finished he turned to look at you, “Are you ready to eat dinner?”</p><p>You couldn’t look at him, “I think I’m just going to go to bed. Feel free to fix something for yourself though.”</p><p>His tone immediately shifted into being more soft and he was walking closer to you, he placed his hand on your knee, “Are you sure?”</p><p>Just the feeling of his touch made you jump to your feet, “Yeah, good night!” you tried to sound happier than you were as you walked into the tent, immediately allowing yourself to fall onto the mattress.</p><p>You laid on your stomach with you head buried into the pillow. You knew it was stupid to be upset about this situation, but you felt even more idiotic for even allowing him to kiss you. Just the thought of his lips on yours made your heart hurt; that was a feeling you wanted to feel over and over again for the rest of your life and you knew it was likely to never happen again.</p><p>You laid there with your eyes closed for ages before you could hear Ben rustle the tent door open. </p><p>He kept himself quiet as he took off his shoes and gently crawled into the bed beside you. You remained completely still in hopes that he wouldn’t realize you were awake.</p><p>He rolled over and kissed your forehead, “What I didn’t tell you is that Han told me to do that after I had told him that I thought that I loved you.” His voice was quiet as if he was only talking to himself, he placed another kiss on your forehead and he rolled over on his side to go to bed.</p><p>You could feel your heart rate accelerate as soon as his lips touched your forehead, but you felt like you had just run a marathon when he said he thought he loved you. You wanted to roll him back over to talk more, to kiss him like he deserved to be kissed, to tell him that you thought that you loved him too, but you couldn’t – you knew this wasn’t the right time for any of this. </p><p>You dig your fingers into the tops of your thighs and let yourself drift off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How are we feeling about Reader's and Ben's relationship? Does it stress you out as much as it stresses me out? </p><p>They're both just two dummies in love and it hurts.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, as always feel free to leave a comment below - I always love reading them and responding! As well as if you want feel free to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> to keep up with when I post! </p><p>Until tomorrow!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter changes perspectives, it's marked by "**" </p><p> </p><p>*Chapter edited by MementoMorri.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>You wake up to Ben violently shaking beside you, his eyes are still tightly closed and sweat is pouring off of him. You stare at him for a moment, allowing yourself to wake up, before you realize he’s having a nightmare.</p><p>You can feel the anxiety radiating off of him, but there’s also this suffocating feeling of power filling the tent.</p><p>“Ben!” you grab his shoulder and shake him in attempt to wake him, but his eyes only clench tighter.</p><p>“Hey,” you try and reach out to grab him again but his hand meets your wrist before you can touch him, “Ben?” you try and sound calm but you voice comes out shaky.</p><p>His eyes shoot open, searching around the dark tent for something. </p><p>“You’re okay.” You try and pull your wrist away from him but he doesn’t loosen up his grip. </p><p>His eyes finally find yours and his grip starts to loosen, you pull your hand away and you can still feel where his grip was. </p><p>“Are you ok?” Ben’s voice was shaky but he kept his voice soft.</p><p>“Uh huh.” You nod your head as you massage your wrist where his grip was.</p><p>His eyes shift to your wrists, “Did I do that?” you can faintly make out that your wrist is quite red and maybe even beginning to bruise where he held you.</p><p>“I did that,” you pointed at the bruise covering the side of his face, “it’s only fair.” You let out a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood.</p><p>You realize that Ben however did not find that amusing as his eyes became saddened the longer he stared at your wrist.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I’ll be fine.” You wave your hand in front of his face so that his attention shifts to your face, letting a smile come across your face.</p><p>Ben watches you carefully as the smile fades from your face when you recall what he said before going to bed just a few hours ago. Now that he was okay, your mind could only drift to how complicated everything else was becoming. </p><p>“Something’s wrong?” Ben’s eyes are soft.</p><p>“No, I’m fine.” You smile at him, not wanting to let him know you had heard what he had said.</p><p>“I meant it.” Ben’s eyes close as he rests his head back onto his pillow. </p><p>You can feel your heart accelerate, “Meant what?” you planned on playing stupid for as long as you could, not knowing if you could handle any more conversation about your feelings about each other.</p><p>“I knew you were awake,” Ben rubs his hand across his face, keeping his eyes closed, “I don’t just talk to myself.”</p><p>You just stared blankly at his face, watching his eyes tighten the longer you remained quiet. </p><p>“I don’t think I can do this.” You pull your gaze away from him, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin.</p><p>You stand up to leave the tent so you can get a breath of fresh air and to relax before going back to bed.</p><p>“Please, just talk to me.” Ben was using the force to keep the zipper in place regardless of how hard you tried to pull it down. </p><p>“There’s nothing to say, we both know that.” You keep trying to pull the zipper to no avail. </p><p>“I’d throw it all away.” You turn to look at Ben who has his eyes staring at you softly, “I’d throw all of this away to be able to have you.”</p><p>“That wouldn’t be much of a sacrifice.” You scoff.</p><p>“Can you just listen to me for a minute before you throw up your defenses?” Ben’s voice was strained.</p><p>“Why so I can be upset the rest of the night? I’m perfectly content without that.” </p><p>“Please just listen.” you could feel a sense of warmth come over your body and your vision became blurry.</p><p>“Ben, what’s going on?” </p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be okay.” You can hear his voice but it feels like it’s fading farther and farther away.</p><p> </p><p>**<br/>
<i>“You must be (y/n)?” I felt so stupid even introducing myself, it wasn’t like most students here even wanted anything to do with me.</i></p><p>
  <i>She turned around and met me with anxious eyes, but she was beautiful. I couldn’t help but to look her up and down.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Uh, yeah, that’s my name.” Her voice was quick but nearly melodic to my ears. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Good. It would be kind of weird if it wasn’t” I try and laugh but I found her eyes staring at me, all of me, and I didn’t know what to do.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She let out a slight chuckle and I immediately felt self-conscious, wondering if she was going to be just like everyone else here. I couldn’t help but to get defensive. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>She apologizes and I believed her. But I can feel it then, the darkness radiating off of her as if she had just consumed all the energy in the area. I wasn’t scared though, I was intrigued. </i>
</p><hr/><p><br/>

</p>
<p>
  <i>“Are you okay?” her voice rings through my ears as I walk into her hut.<br/>
</i><br/>
<i>I feel defeated, however all I want to be is comforted for once in my life, and I knew that she would give that to me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I just, can I lay down?” when she nods her head ‘yes’ I slowly make your way to lay down beside her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I sink into the bed, letting her warmth comfort the panic inside of me. The tears wouldn’t stop falling down my face but that didn’t stop her from placing my head onto her chest and wiping the tears that were falling.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I felt at home. After so many years, this girl that you had only known for 24 hours had made me feel like I had a place in this galaxy. </i>
</p><hr/><p><br/>
</p>
<p>
  <i>I had awoken to a suffocating feeling of fear, it was strange though because I knew that it wasn’t coming from me.<br/>
“(y/n).” I immediately jump out of bed and slip my shoes on. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>When I step outside I can hear the soft sounds of her sobbing coming from her hut. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Before I can make it to her door, she is already stepping outside – shoeless and with tears falling swiftly down her face.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I don’t even think and just pick her up, wrapping my arms tightly around her to let her know she’s safe with me. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>After I get next to her in her tiny bed I look over and see the book I had given her laying on her nightstand, it makes me feel strange to see it sitting on someone else’s nightstand.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>This book of bedtime stories was the only thing that kept me from feeling completely alone for all of these years, and it was the only thing that kept me connected to my mother. But I had hoped that (y/n) could get the same feeling of comfort from the stories as I had.</i>
</p><p><i>I leaned over and grabbed it off the stand, “Did you read any of it?”</i> </p><p>
  <i>I push myself down onto the bed so she can rest her head on my chest. Opening the book, I was looking for a specific story. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Was this the one you were reading?” I figured she wasn’t paying much attention, so I was free to pick whichever story I wanted. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Appenza Peak was my favorite story. It made me feel like even with everything wrong with my life, that the force was ultimately there to comfort me; and now I wanted (y/n) to know it was there to comfort her as well.</i>
</p><hr/><p><br/>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“I think we both know it’ll be more than a friendship.” I spit out. I wanted her, and no one else, and I knew I couldn’t have her. I felt the anger boiling under my skin. “And we both know that that isn’t tolerated within the Jedi community.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I knew that I didn’t care anything about the Jedi community but my family held me up to standards that I was scared to betray. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I turn around to start walking to the mess hall, hoping that for some reason she would follow behind me, that she would try and convince me that the Jedi community has no restraint on the two of us – but it wouldn’t take as much convincing to make me believe her than she would expect.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>As I turn around to see if she was following me, I see her dart down a worn down path. I can feel the sadness in her energy as she disappears.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>As I continue to walk to the mess hall I can feel myself growing more and more angry; I had caused her sadness, I had done that to her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>As the mess hall comes into my view I also see Luke standing outside looking at me, just the sight of him becomes overwhelming. My skin is red hot and my vision becomes blurry.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The next time I open my eyes my arms are outstretched and the trees in front of me are burning. Luke is grabbing my arms and I can feel the tears starting to pool around my eyes. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You caused this.” I spit out.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I did nothing.” Luke keeps his voice low.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I need her and you’re keeping her away from me.” The tears are falling down my face faster now.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ben, you’re doing that yourself.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>His words cut me deep causing me to push him off of me and I ran into the mess hall.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>As I entered the other students ran out. I knew I had pushed her away, but Luke didn’t understand that I only did that because I felt like I had no choice. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I buried my head into my arms thinking of the fact that I may have ruined my relationship with (y/n). </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I did this.” I admit out loud.</i>
</p><hr/><p><br/>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“Luke, we need to talk.” I had sent (y/n) on to the mess hall while I stayed back after combat training to talk to him.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Master.” He corrects me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I had the urge to roll my eyes, but refrained from doing so. “Master, can we please talk?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What is it Ben?” Luke’s eyes were looking at you questionably.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What happens if I like her?” I kept my eyes on the ground, not wanting to see his judging eyes.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“’Her’ being (y/n)?” I nod my head, “What do you think happens?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I will have let you and my parents down by forming an attachment.” I didn’t want to admit to Luke that letting them down was something I feared, but it was the truth.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You will have not let anyone down but yourself.” Luke’s voice was stern.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“How will I have let myself down when she’s the only person that feels like home?” I was practically begging Luke to tell me why I couldn’t do this, to fall in love with her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ben,” he takes a step closer to me, resting his hand on my shoulder, “you’ll only be holding yourself back if you allow her to take control of your feelings.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I didn’t know how to respond to Luke. If anything being around her made me feel stronger, made me want to be the best version of myself that I could be, but definitely not in any way did she make me feel like I was holding myself back.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Okay, Master.” I step away and head to the mess hall.</i>
</p><hr/><p><br/>

</p>
<p>
  <i>I could feel the energy shift in the tent. The feeling of power was overwhelmingly suffocating; begging me to wake up. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>When I pulled my eyes open she was standing above me with her lightsaber ignited. I panicked, but grabbed my saber and guarded my body with it.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Staring at her face I notice her eyes are still closed.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“(y/n) …” when my voice comes out her eyes meet mine and I can see the instant panic surfacing around her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Oh…” she drops her saber and I reach out to grab her, pulling her into a tight embrace.</i>
</p><p><i>I knew she wasn’t the one behind the action; I have had plenty of dreams that leave me sleepwalking and using the force in ways that could cause harm to others, and I knew that she had those dreams too.</i> </p><p>
  <i>“(y/n), are you okay?” I reached out and placed her saber beside my pillow so she couldn’t get to it, at least not easily.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely audible through the tears flowing down her face, the sound of her crying made me want to hold on to her for the rest of our lives.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I tighten my grip around her, “I know.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ben, I could hear voices. I – I wasn’t even awake.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>The admittance of her hearing voices made me tremble. I had dealt with those voices since I was a child and I didn’t want those voices infiltrating her dreams too, she wasn’t as alone as she thought she was.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I know.” I push her hair out of her face so I can see her beautiful eyes, “(y/n), the voices, I hear them too.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>She instantly melts into my arms, crying hard into my shoulder. All I can do is rub her back softly, hoping that that small action can at least bring her some amount of comfort.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I decided then that I would keep her with me forever if it meant keeping her safe, I didn’t care about the Jedi conduct, all I cared about was her. </i>
</p><hr/><p><br/>

</p>
<p>
  <i>“Dad,” I watched as (y/n) walked out of the room, keeping my voice low, “what am I supposed to do?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>He watched my eyes as I watched her leave the room.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I’m assuming you aren’t talking about your grandfather anymore?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>My eyes snap to his, realizing how ridiculous I must seem. “No, I’m not.” I let out a deep sigh.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I wish I could’ve been there for you all of these years, to teach you how to love, how to care, how to show her those things.” His eyes were sad, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>He pulled me into another hug and I let him, I had wanted this for years and I was finally getting it. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You can teach me now.” I noticed how soft my voice was.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I don’t think I have time to do that, but I have one tip for you – “ He watched my face.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“And what is that?” I sounded eager.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You need to show her that you love her.” I can feel myself grimace at the word, “Ben, she won’t wait around forever.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I knew he was right; I had almost ruined my relationship with her too many times just to prevent her from knowing how I felt.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“How should I show her that I love her?” I had no idea how to even begin talking to most people, showing them affection seemed otherworldly. The admittance of my feelings, though I thought would make me feel disgusted, made me feel warm, like this is what I as supposed to be doing.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ben, you should just kiss her, that’ll tell you everything you need to know.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Well, I’ve never done that before so how do I go about that?” the idea of kissing her terrified me. I was scared she didn’t feel the same way, or that I wouldn’t kiss her right. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Han starts laughing as he senses my uncomfort and I can’t help but to join him. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Just as I was about to say something, the door opens and she’s standing there looking stressed. I can feel the tension radiating off of her and I want to do nothing more than wrap myself around her and tell her that everything is going to be okay.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>When looking at her I can feel a new sense of appreciation for her beauty, the way she looks at me, the way my heart flutters every time I hear my name come out of her mouth.</i>
</p><hr/><p><br/>

</p>
<p>
  <i>Yet again I had hurt her because I couldn’t rationalize having a relationship right now after learning that Darth Vader was my grandfather. I stood around the fire contemplating going in there and kissing her again, telling her that I was wrong, telling her that we should never go back to the temple and we should just explore the galaxy together. There were so many planets that she deserved to see, so many skies she deserved to look at. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I kicked the stick into the fire, watching the fire grow just slightly.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Fuck.” I muttered to myself as I sat down by the fire, burying my head into my hands.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I knew that I loved her and I would do anything for her, but I was pretty certain she thought I was just fucking around with her feelings. I had to show her I meant it, and I had an idea but I didn’t know if it would work. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>As I made my way back into the tent I could tell just by the energy radiating off of her that she was awake. I kept quiet, I wanted her to think that I thought she was asleep. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I studied her face, taking in how truly beautiful she was. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>As I laid down I rolled over and placed a kiss on her forehead. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What I didn’t tell you is that Han told me to do that after I had told him that I thought that I loved you.” I kept my voice quiet, not sure that I even wanted her to hear me. I placed another kiss on her forehead and rolled over to go to bed.</i>
</p><p><i>I loved her and that’s all that mattered.</i><br/>
**</p><p>As your vision came back you could feel the tears falling down your face at a rapid pace. </p><p>“What was that?” you voice was shaky and you finally made eye contact with Ben who was just sitting upright in the bed staring at you.</p><p>“I had to show you that I meant it and I didn’t know how else to do it.” Ben’s voice was gentle.</p><p>You walked over to the bed sitting down beside Ben, he lifted his hand up and wiped away the tears that were still falling. </p><p>“Ben, I –” you looked at him, “where do we go from here? Can we just run away from it all?”</p><p>Ben laughs, “I show you all my thoughts and the one that sticks out to you the most is running away together?” </p><p>“I would do it.” You scoot yourself back on the bed, “To be with you, I would do it.” </p><p>A smile spreads across Ben’s face, “You know we can’t.”</p><p>“I know.” You say softly. “What about now? What do we do now?” you hated that you were practically begging him to give you validation.</p><p>“You haven’t told me how you feel.” Ben’s face turns red.</p><p>You can feel yourself blushing. You scooted back closer to Ben, you could feel the tension growing between the two of you. You tilt your head up and meet his gaze; a gaze that told you everything you needed to know.</p><p>Slowly you move closer to him parting your lips ever so slightly as your lips touch his. You can feel his hands move up to push back the hair from you face. He keeps his hands resting on your face as you slowly pull back.</p><p>“I think I love you too.” You let yourself fall back onto your pillow, trying to hide your face after you say it.</p><p>He leans over you, placing his lips gently on your forehead. “Then maybe we should stop torturing ourselves.” He laughs as he falls back on to his pillow.</p><p>You pick yourself up and lay your head onto his chest, you can hear just how fast his heart is beating. </p><p>“What about Luke?” you say as you trace your fingers around his hand.</p><p>“I’ll handle it when it comes to that.” He grabs your hand and pulls it to his mouth and kisses it softly.</p><p>“Fine.” You scoff, you can feel your eyes getting heavy.</p><p>“Good night.” He says softly as you close your eyes and let yourself drift off to sleep, thinking about how you never wanted this moment with him to end.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>God, wouldn't we all just run away with Ben?</p><p>As always feel free to comment below, and follow on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> to keep up with an update schedule! Or just to see my tweets about Ben|Kylo.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sorry about the hiatus! I just graduated from college yesterday - finally. After having writer's block for what feels like a lifetime, I was finally able to put this chapter into words! </p><p>(also, CONTENT WARNING: assault mention. Starts at the * and ends at the *)</p><p>*Chapter edited by MementoMorri.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>The next morning was quiet; you and Ben had woken up and grabbed a meal bar then before heading back to the hangar, the journey was slow and you and Ben had only had a few moments of small talk, as if you both were trying to ignore the occurrences of last night.</p><p>It was humid outside, and you once again were wearing a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt. You regretted not grabbing your robes as those usually kept you much more cool during hot days.</p><p>“I feel like we should talk about last night?” Ben’s voice cut through your thoughts.</p><p>“Oh,” you turn and look at him, “what about last night?” You had woken up this morning wondering if it was all a dream; kissing him, telling him that you loved him, the fact that Ben put his memories into your mind without struggle.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Ben kept his eyes ahead of him and continued walking.</p><p>You could immediately feel your heart sink; you were certain Ben was going to say he was wrong and that this entire situation actually couldn’t happen. You held your breath, waiting for him to say something more.</p><p>“I shouldn’t have entered your mind like that, it’s not okay.” Ben’s voice was soft.</p><p>You let out the breath you were holding and with it came a deep laugh, you were so relieved that it was just about entering your mind. </p><p>“Oh, it’s okay.” You continued to laugh and Ben peered over his shoulder with a confused look on his face, curious as to why you were laughing. “I thought you were going to tell me you last night was a joke,” you grabbed his hand, “I don’t mind that you put your memories into my head. I kind of enjoyed it.” </p><p>He gave you a smile as you two entered into the hangar bay. As you two emerged on the ship you threw your satchel into the cabinet and went to sit in the seat behind the pilot seat.</p><p>You could barely get your stuff down before Ben was wrapping himself around you with his lips placing kisses on your head.</p><p>You let out a small chuckle, “What are you doing, Ben?”</p><p>You could feel his smile grow as his lips were placed on your forehead, “Just thought I would give you one big wave of affection before we were back in hell.” </p><p>You leaned your head up to look at him and he leaned down to kiss you delicately, but with a passion that hadn’t been there yet.</p><p>As he pulled away you wrapped your arms around his neck, attempting to pull him back to you. You weren’t ready for the ‘wave of affection’ to be over yet.</p><p>“We have to get going.” He smiles as he pulls your arms off of his neck.</p><p>You pouted for a moment, but decided to go ahead and follow in behind him, buckling yourself in as soon as you sat down.</p><p>The trip was quiet, Ben kept his gaze forward and barely gave you any attention.</p><p>You were sitting comfortably, but you were getting flustered by the thought of arriving back at the temple.</p><p>“What if we really do run away?” You soften your voice and shift your gaze towards Ben.</p><p>His glance immediately shifts over to you and his eyes harden, “You know we can’t do that.”</p><p>“But Luke will never let this happen, and I want it to happen.” You say quickly, realizing that you are reaching for something that cannot happen.</p><p>Ben shifts himself around to face you, placing his hand gently on your leg. “I want this as much as you want this.”</p><p>You stare at him, unsure of what should be said next, the smirk that he had situated on his face slowly dissipated as you kept your silence.</p><p>“Are you okay?” His grip around your knee grew tighter, his expression grew more concerned.</p><p>You sat in silence a little bit longer, contemplating your answer. You felt off – but it wasn’t from this conversation. You knew that Ben cared about you, maybe even loved you.</p><p>“Something is off.” You say softly, placing your glance at him. You watch as his expression grows to confusion.</p><p>“I feel that too,” Ben takes his hand off of your leg and switches his glance back to the space in front of him, “but are we okay?”</p><p>You can’t help but allow yourself to chuckle, “I hope so.” </p><p>When Ben hears your voice he allows himself to glance back at you, a smirk spread across his face and his eyes were soft as they peered at you.</p><p>“Do you want to fly?” his tone is humored, “Or at least learn how to fly?” he pats his lap, encouraging you to come sit with him in the pilot seat.</p><p>You unbuckle yourself, hoping that you don’t fall over on him as you make your way to him. You place your leg between his, spreading them open ever so slightly. His hands go up and wrap around your waist as you slowly sit back onto him.</p><p>“If I kill the both of us at least we don’t have to talk to Luke.” You laugh as Ben wraps his hands around yours, guiding them to the steering device.</p><p>His grip remains soft as he wraps your fingers around the two handles in front of you. You can feel his face getting closer to the back of your neck, his breath softly brushing your skin.</p><p>You sit in silence, hoping that Ben would take the initiative to say anything, but you knew that was asking too much of him.</p><p>“How lon-” you stammer out, but before you can finish his lips pressed against the back of your neck causing your body to ripple in pleasure.</p><p>The feeling was so new to you; you had goosebumps across your skin, however, you craved nothing more than for his lips to never leave your neck – unless they were to come to your mouth.</p><p>You could feel the smirk spreading across Ben’s face as he placed another delicate kiss on your right shoulder. </p><p>Pulling your hands back from his, you place them on his thighs – giving them a gentle squeeze.</p><p>“We won’t be much longer until we have to start our descent.” Ben says quietly against the back of your neck.</p><p>“Well, what do you want to do?” you keep your gaze ahead of you, enjoying each breath that is being spread against your neck by Ben. You keep your hands on his thighs, rubbing slow-small circles.</p><p>Ben chuckles against you before he shifts you around so that you are facing him. A smile spread across his face, his eyes looking intently at yours.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?” His voice was low and soft; you could see the red spreading across his cheeks as the words left his mouth.</p><p>Without much thought you immediately leaned into him, pressing your lips against his. His lips were gentle and soft – delicately moving against yours.</p><p>His hands drift against your neck, keeping you looking up at him so that he can continue to explore your lips.</p><p>You move your hands from his thighs and place them against his cheek, you can feel a small smile against your lips as you rub your thumb across his face.</p><p>He parts your lips a bit with his tongue and you allow it – confused at what exactly the two of you were doing, but knowing you didn’t want it to stop.</p><p>He placed his hands around your waist and pulled you in closer to him, both of you radiating heat.</p><p>He moved his thumb up to your chin, opening up your mouth just a bit more, allowing him to kiss you more intently. He was kissing with a passion that told you he wanted this as much as you did.</p><p>You both explored each other’s mouths and continued to move your hands against the other's body. Nothing could ruin how intimate this moment was – you never wanted it to be over.</p><p>You could feel a chill run up the back of your spine, you hoped it was just from the intimacy of the moment -</p><p> </p><p>**<br/>        “Be a good girl and don’t disappoint this man like you did the last one.” Your father     ripped your hand out of his as you fought against him. </p><p>         You stared at the older man standing in front of you, looking at you as if you were nothing more than an object to him. </p><p>        The man gripped your arm as you kicked and screamed at him and your father, but his grip was only tightening around you.</p><p>        As soon as he got you into the hotel room, he threw you onto the bed – slamming his lips against yours. </p><p>**</p><p>The tears were falling down your face and Ben slowly pulled his lips off of yours.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. What did I do?” Ben gently moved you back a bit further on his lap, keeping his eyes on yours as tears were rapidly falling down.</p><p>“Nothing,” You shook your head, trying to get the memory to fade, “it wasn’t you.” His hand moved to your face, brushing the tears off of your cheek as they fell.</p><p>Ben pulls you into a hug, “We need to start our descent,” he keeps his hands against your back as the tears continue falling onto his shirt, “you can stay here, but we both need to buckle in.”<br/>You keep your body against his and wrap your legs around him – trying to condense your size as much as possible. Keeping against him was the only thing making you feel safe at this moment, the memories of all the men your father pawned you off to resurfacing quickly.</p><p>You feel the buckle snap in place, and Ben keeps one hand on your back as he begins the descent with the other.</p><p>“Bean,” he says softly, “do you want to talk about it? Whatever it is?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” You say between tears. </p><p>At that moment you could feel Ben’s demeanor change, “Shit.” His voice sounded defeated.</p><p>“Wha-” Ben cuts you off.  </p><p>“Your father? Those men who did awful things to you?” The anger pulsating off of him was almost intoxicating as he realized why you were upset.</p><p>The grip on your back grew stronger, “I’ll kill them all.” He spits out.</p><p>You push against his grip so you can look at him, trying to keep yourself out of his way so he can continue piloting safely, “Ben,” you pause, trying to figure out if you should finish your thought, “I already did.”</p><p>Watching his face was nearly comical as his eyes immediately darted to yours, the tension in his body – though still there – nearly dissipated as he realized you were being serious. </p><p>His grip tightened back on you, pulling you back on to him, you nuzzled your head against his shoulder and neck and took a few deep breaths to calm down.</p><p>“You’ll never have to worry about being hurt like that again, I’ll keep you safe, Bean.” His mouth was right above your ear as he spoke softly.</p><p>The descent back to the temple was swift and easy, though you could feel the anxiety climbing in the both of you as you got closer.</p><p>As Ben landed, you pushed yourself off of him quickly – hoping no one was in the hangar to see the two of you, especially Luke.</p><p>Oddly enough seeing the temple comforted you, there was something homey about being there – though you weren’t sure if that was the temple or just being around Ben. There was a slight overcast, so the sun wasn’t pulsating down as hard as it was on Chandrila though you assumed it was still too hot for sweatpants and a t-shirt. </p><p>As you pulled out your satchel from the cabinet you felt Ben’s hands against your waist, “I’m sorry.” His lips gently grazed the top of your head.<br/>Pushing yourself off of him, you shift your gaze up to him, “Hey, it’s probably best if we don’t do things like that now.” </p><p>Ben wasn’t sure if you were talking about his hands resting against your waist or if you meant the kissing in the pilot chair that ensued earlier. He gave you a slight nod before pressing the button opening the side hatch.</p><p>“I’m disappointed in the both of you.” Luke’s voice instantly piercing your ears before the hatch could fall completely to the ground. He was standing directly in front of the two of you with his hands against his hips, his expression was angered. Ben tensed up completely beside you, you knew that Ben wouldn’t put up a fight against Luke – but you would.</p><p>“Disappointed in what?” You spit out as your eyes meet his, Ben tightens his fists into balls. </p><p>The two of can’t even begin descending the ship before Luke is treading up the ramp in your direction.</p><p>“Don’t speak to me like that (y/n).” Luke practically yells as you as his gaze shifts to Ben and he stops directly in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think you can visit your parents in Chandrila and they weren’t going to tell me?” you can see Ben’s hands digging into the tops of his thighs, trying to back away from Luke but having nowhere to go. “They called me upset, telling me it was (y/n)’s idea? They told me that they had no choice but to tell you the truth about your grandfather. What did you think you were going to accomplish by going there?” Luke was yelling in Ben’s face and Ben had tears flowing freely down his face. You could feel his anxiety radiating off of him, pulsating in waves. </p><p>“Get out of his fucking face!” You could feel the anger prickling your skin knowing that Ben was growing more and more uncomfortable with every passing second.</p><p>That was all it took for Luke to shuffle himself to stand directly in front of you, his stance being too close for comfort – but you were going to stand your ground.</p><p>“You will not speak to me like that again or I will kick you out.” His head leans a bit closer in as he speaks.</p><p>You peer over at Ben, who at this point had replaced his anxiety with anger, and each word out of Luke’s mouth to you made his anger grow more and more. You mouthed for him to leave and all he did was shake his head ‘no’. </p><p>There was no convincing him to leave you here alone with Luke, but you felt like you had to try again. You focused your energy on him, trying to pry through the gates put up against his mind. His eyes met yours – he knew what you were trying to do. The gates opened up slowly, allowing yourself to project your thoughts to him.</p><p>
  <i>“Ben, please leave now I can handle him on my own.”</i>
</p><p>You shifted your eyes back to Luke who was staring at the two of you, confused.</p><p>“What was that?” He spits out, staring at Ben. </p><p>
  <i>“Ben, just go you know I can handle myself – and I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.” “I can’t leave you with him.”</i>
</p><p>You hadn’t realized that your gates were also open. You could feel yourself smiling just at the sound of his voice that echoed through your head.</p><p>
  <i>“If I’m not back to the hut in thirty-minutes you can come back – but please let me try and calm him down, convince him to not kick me out.” </i>
</p><p>Ben’s eyes continued to stare at yours, and he slowly gave you a light nod in agreement.</p><p>“That was nothing Luke, what are you even talking about?” you spit out, trying to shift his attention back to you.</p><p>As soon as you say that his eyes snap back to yours, and as soon as they do Ben begins to run towards the huts.</p><p>The anger was building in Luke and he began to close the distance between the two of you, making things increasingly more uncomfortable.</p><p>“I don’t know what kind of game the two of you are playing but I will not allow it to continue to happen.” </p><p>“I’m unsure what you are talking about Master Luke.” You change your tone, hoping it would allow for a more civil discourse.</p><p>“You don’t think I can sense what’s going on between the two of you? That the two of you aren’t trying to overthrow this entire temple? I can sense everything.”</p><p>“Truly Master Luke, I have no clue what you are talking about.” You felt confused. The two of you wanted to run away from the temple, not tear it apart. </p><p>“Whatever is going on between you two will only end terribly. I will not allow anything to happen at this temple.”</p><p>It hit you that he was talking about the two of you being in ‘love’, as if the power emanating off of the two of you would be enough to tear apart the temple to shreds.</p><p>“Really?” You can’t help but to laugh in his face, “You’re scared of us being in love? Why? Is it because no one has ever cared for you like that?” You spit out.</p><p>The anger was radiating off of you and also off of Luke, he took a step back and kept his eyes directly on yours.</p><p>Luke’s hand lifted up and everything began to feel like it was going in slow-motion. You knew immediately what was coming and you acted quickly to close your gates, hoping that Ben wouldn’t hear your thoughts - knowing if he did that things would become astronomically worse.</p><p>It hit you that you could move out of the way, but you didn’t feel like cowering away. As he pulled his hand back behind him, you braced yourself for impact. The anticipation of the impact was the worst part – feeling as though you had nowhere and nothing to do but be hit by this man.</p><p>As his hand met your face you were immediately met with excruciating pain, his hand pummeling overtop the bridge of your nose – you could hear it crack. And just like that, time began to return to normal.</p><p>“You will not talk to me like that ever again. More importantly, you’re out. Go get your stuff and I want you gone by morning.” Luke uses the force to push you down the ramp of the ship; the ship that not long ago was bringing you nothing but pleasure.</p><p>You gripped tightly around your satchel and began to run towards Ben’s hut, you were in pain but you tried your hardest to keep the gate around you mind closed, hoping that you would be able to fake being okay for Ben’s sake. Then maybe you would be able to sneak out in the middle of the night after Ben falls asleep – knowing that sneaking out would be much easier than having to say goodbyes. </p><p>The tears were falling rapidly down your face as it hit you that this was your last night at the temple, or more specifically with Ben. You began to take in the small details of the area as you continued to run; the longer blades of grass along the pathway, the kids moving rocks innocently with the force, the chatter that was echoing throughout as students passed between classes. </p><p>Your eyes shifted towards Ben’s hut as soon as it was in your line of sight but it was too late, you were still crying and Ben was pacing in front of his door. His eyes met yours and you could immediately feel the anger pulsating off of him.</p><p>You kept running until you slammed your body into his, his hands gripping your back as you drop your satchel to your feet and cry into his shoulder. The anger pulsating off of him was still rolling in waves, but he kept his attention on you.</p><p>“What the fuck did Luke do?” Ben pushed you off of him, his eyes shifting around your face taking in the bruises that had begun to form from Luke’s contact.</p><p>There was no way you could keep this from him, and the thought of having to say goodbye made you do nothing but cry harder – falling back onto him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So be prepared the next few chapters are going to be INTENSE.</p><p>I hope you all are having an incredible week and are trying to find the fun in all this madness going on. </p><p>As always here is my <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a> and feel free to follow there and I try and post updates to when I will be posting a chapter (similar to this hiatus).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you guys are having a great day :)</p><p> </p><p>*Chapter edited by MementoMorri.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>“What the fuck did he do (y/n)?” His anger pulsating off him, you were terrified that if he found out that he would hurt Luke.<br/>
 <br/>
His hand stayed on your back, even though you could feel the darkness inside of him growing, he made sure to continue giving you attention and comfort.<br/>
 <br/>
“Ben,” You are searching for your voice through your tears, you could feel the pain in your face growing, “I have to leave,” You dug your face deeper into him, “tonight.” <br/>
 <br/>
You could feel his grip tighten around you, pulling you into him. He was shuddering, and you could hear him begin to cry. He pulled you onto the ground in front of the door to his hut, wrapping himself around you, placing his head on your shoulder. <br/>
 <br/>
At this point you could feel several pairs of eyes watching the two of you as you sat on the ground and cried together. Most people were scared of Ben, but some of them also didn’t trust you because of the confrontations that have happened, and the bits of your past that have circulated around the temple.<br/>
 <br/>
“We have to move before someone goes and gets Luke.” <br/>
 <br/>
As soon as you mentioned Luke’s name you could feel the darkness consuming Ben, he pushed you off of him and stood up swiftly.<br/>
 <br/>
“Ben!” You yell at him, trying to get his attention back on you to no avail, “Ben! Please you can’t do this.” You reached out and gripped his arm causing him to turn around, his slightly golden eyes meeting yours.<br/>
 <br/>
“You have to calm down Ben, you know this isn’t going to end well.” His eyes still remain on yours, and you can hear the gasps of the surrounding students and they see the golden tinge in his eyes.<br/>
 <br/>
“Let me go.” His sternness surprises you, but you keep your grip tight with no plans of letting him go easily. <br/>
 <br/>
The feeling washed over you quickly - Ben was trying to use the Force to remove his arm from your grip. You put all of your energy into preventing him from moving your hand, you hadn’t realized you also let down the gates surrounding your mind. <br/>
 <br/>
As soon as you realized it, it was already too late. <br/>
 <br/>
<i>“Let go of me now.” </i>His voice echoed throughout your head and you tried to pierce through his gates, but they were sealed tightly.<br/>
 <br/>
<i>“He deserves whatever I give to him, now let me go.” </i><br/>
 <br/>
“Ben,” You look into his eyes, allowing yourself to feel every emotion he is feeling at this moment, “I love you.” <br/>
 <br/>
The tension in your mind eases up, allowing you the capability of shutting the gates and blocking out Ben.<br/>
 <br/>
The force pull on your hand has also lessened drastically. You keep your focus on Ben, whose golden eyes were slowly fading back into the beautiful brown color they normally were.<br/>
 <br/>
“Ben?”<br/>
 <br/>
“I-” He stammered, but he felt the same presence as you did, both of you shifting your focus behind you where Luke was in stride to meet the two of you. Ben quickly shifted his glance to you again, “I’m sorry.”<br/>
 <br/>
You gave him a swift nod. You wanted to wrap your arms around him, tell him that everything was going to be okay, kiss him again, but it was too late – Luke was already directly in front of you. His eyes never leave Ben.<br/>
 <br/>
The light tinge of gold still rimmed his eyes as he migrated his attention to Luke, his eyes widened as he noticed Ben’s eyes.<br/>
 <br/>
“What is going on?” Luke’s voice was stern and you kept your eyes on Ben to ensure he wasn’t going to act out.<br/>
 <br/>
“You’re kicking her out, why?” Ben kept his voice from showing much emotion, though you could feel his anger building back up.<br/>
 <br/>
<i>“Ben, you need to calm down.” </i> Thankfully he was too distracted to keep you out of his mind, immediately upon hearing your voice, his gaze shifts to you for a few seconds – just long enough for you to notice the color of his eyes.<br/>
 <br/>
He shakes his head, his attention relocating back to Luke, “You haven’t answered me – why?” Ben’s voice was deeper, more serious than you had ever heard it. <br/>
 <br/>
“Ben, you have to realize what she is doing to you.” Luke took a step back, distancing himself from the two of you.<br/>
 <br/>
You can’t help but to let those words hurt you – you had no clue what Luke meant by that statement. All you can think of is how happy Ben can be when it’s just the two of you; playing in the river together, cuddled up in bed together, every time he takes the bread off of your plate and gives you his fruit – all of those times where the positive energy would radiate off of him.<br/>
 <br/>
The longer you thought about it the more memories of the darkness came to you; Ben teaching you how to crush rocks by the river, the times you would be holding onto each other during sleep because of nightmares, the day he destroyed the trees outside of the mess hall, how he easily picked you up off the ground and you waited for him to throw you into the ground – recalling these memories made you shudder.<br/>
 <br/>
But you weren’t sure if Ben was acting like that because of you, or just because he felt like he had no other choice. You didn’t want to believe that his irrational behaviors were caused by you. The anxiety inside of you was building; the idea that maybe you were the problem caused you to start digging your fingers into the tops of your thighs. Maybe kicking you out wasn’t the worst decision Luke had made.<br/>
 <br/>
“Please elaborate what you believe (y/n) is doing to me?” Ben took a step towards Luke’s direction, but you didn’t have the energy to try and stop him – you were too concentrated on trying not to allow the words coming from Luke’s mouth to hurt you. <br/>
 <br/>
Luke shifted his attention to you before moving back to Ben, “You used to be able to control these outbursts better, at least for a few years. Ben, she’s holding you back from obtaining what you want from life, you know that.” <br/>
 <br/>
“You clearly don’t know what I want from life.” Ben spits out. The darkness coming off of him was making you dizzy, enticing you to join him. <br/>
 <br/>
You took a moment to recognize how powerful Ben looked at that moment, how clearly confident he was in each word he was saying.<br/>
 <br/>
“Then why don’t you tell me.” Luke was standing firm now, Ben stopping mere inches from his face. <br/>
 <br/>
You could see Luke’s breathing become more and more labored, you could tell he was expecting things to go south pretty quick.<br/>
 <br/>
“This,” Ben gestured around him to the temple, “means nothing to me. This entire place gives me nothing that I want – no power, no emotion, no passion, nothing.”<br/>
 <br/>
“That is not the Jedi way!” Luke takes another step back, no longer standing firmly – you could clearly detect the fear growing in him. “You need to calm down and rethink what you’re saying Ben.”<br/>
“Why should I rethink what I’m saying – when what I’m saying is the truth.” Ben stepped forward, matching Luke’s stride.<br/>
 <br/>
“Ben! Stop!” You yelled, trying to divert his attention back to you. “He isn’t worth it.” This you said lower. <br/>
 <br/>
Ben’s gaze shifted around to you, his eyes were completely golden – more so than earlier – the darkness around him was intoxicating. You let down the gates around your mind, hoping he would enter so you could try and calm him down.<br/>
 <br/>
<i>“I can’t stop.” </i> His voice was back to normal inside of your mind, however the fear of what he was doing was emanating off of each word. <br/>
 <br/>
You couldn’t help but to push yourself forward, taking long strides trying to get to Ben before things escalated any further.<br/>
 <br/>
<i>“You can’t help me.” </i>Ben’s voice was stronger than the last time it was in your mind.<br/>
 <br/>
You were standing inches behind him as you reached forward and grabbed his hand. You weren’t trying to stop him, or pull him away from Luke – you just wanted him to know he wasn’t alone. As soon as your hand touched his you could feel the darkness consuming him, you could feel the anxiety that was radiating off of him – all of this was instantly making you feel nauseous.<br/>
 <br/>
You tried to push through the gates of his mind, but it didn’t take much because as soon as he felt you reaching out – he let you in. <br/>
 <br/>
<i>“Please Ben, you’re not alone.”</i> You ensured your voice was steady, trying to calm him down. <br/>
 <br/>
<i>“I am alone.” </i>His voice was harsh.<br/>
 <br/>
Luke was intently watching the two of you – clearly recognizing that something was going on between the two of you. But he didn’t dare open his mouth – scared of what would happen if he did.<br/>
 <br/>
You gripped his hand tight, placing your fingers in between his. Taking your thumb, you begin to rub small circles at the base of his thumb.<br/>
 <br/>
<i>“Ben, I love you.” </i>You felt his hand finally close in around yours.<br/>
 <br/>
“I will not allow the two of you to keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” Luke’s gaze shifted towards you. <br/>
 <br/>
“Master, I think it’s time that I go pack my things, and for you to leave Ben alone to calm down.” You were surprised at how even your voice was.<br/>
 <br/>
<i>“He’ll never let us go.”</i> Ben projected into your mind.<br/>
 <br/>
“(y/n), quite frankly I don’t care what you want – you are not leaving yet.”<br/>
 <br/>
“What do you want from us.” You spit back, keeping your grip tightly around Ben’s hand.<br/>
 <br/>
“I want you to finish packing your things,” His gaze shifts back towards Ben, “and I want to talk to you alone.”<br/>
 <br/>
“The last time you spoke to one of us alone it resulted in assault.” Ben takes another step closer to Luke, “Why the fuck would you do that?” <br/>
 <br/>
The tension in Ben’s body is rising to the point that you are unsure if you can help him. Luke didn’t answer him right away, his gaze shifting to your face – taking in the bruise that rested on your face, or how swollen the skin around your nose was.<br/>
 <br/>
“Answer me!” Ben yelled, yanking his hand from yours and lifting it towards Luke –<br/>
 <br/>
<i>“Ben, no! Don’t do this!!” </i> you knew that you were unlikely to get him to stop, but you could only hope.<br/>
 <br/>
“Ben, I only did what I felt was necessary.” Luke was watching him intently. <br/>
 <br/>
You could see Ben’s hand falter, the feeling of conflict in him growing, “You felt it necessary to hit her.” His voice was harsh, he sounded as though he was the one that got hit.<br/>
 <br/>
“Do you feel it necessary to question the things your Master does?” Luke rested one hand on his lightsaber – ready to strike if the moment deemed it to be necessary.<br/>
 <br/>
“Questioning you is nothing compared to blatantly assaulting (y/n).” The tension in his voice was growing by the second, you were scared he was going to lift Luke up as he did to you in the woods – only you knew he wouldn’t gently place Luke back onto the ground. <br/>
 <br/>
“She deserves anything given to her considering her past,” Luke spits out, you could feel your jaw drop, “what she’s done to you, what she’s done to this entire temple.” He gestures around him where students continued to stare more intently at the three of you. <br/>
 <br/>
The intoxicating darkness emanating off of Ben was more tempting now; you wanted nothing more than to indulge with him and lose control. But the fear of what he was saying to be actually true kept you from completely allowing the darkness to flow through you; however, you could feel the darkness prickling your skin, consuming the light inside of you just enough to reap the power. <br/>
 <br/>
Ben’s hand shot up again, your eyes watched as Luke was being pulled up from the earth below him. Your hand followed his, though you weren’t aiming your power at Luke – you were just trying to stop Ben.<br/>
Before you could stop Ben, Luke had outstretched his hand and overpowered Ben. You could feel the air around the three of you getting thicker. All at once you felt your feet move in front of you and the breath being knocked out from your lungs. You only realize what is happening as you watch Ben being pushed into the air, as soon as the realization hits, you feel your body collide with the bricks that lined Ben’s hut. <br/>
 <br/>
You felt Ben’s hand grab onto your leg as you slowly opened your eyes and gazed forward at him; blood was dripping off the back of his head, the bricks of his hut shifted slightly, you can feel the pain building up in your spine. <br/>
 <br/>
“This conversation is over.” You both glance over to Luke who is walking away – his stride is prideful as if he was happy with the outcome. <br/>
 <br/>
Ben’s eyes were still rimmed gold as his gaze met yours. Both of you were laid on the ground, there was dirt all over the two of you as well as blood dripping at various points on your body.<br/>
 <br/>
The anger was still coming off of Ben in waves as he watched Luke disappear, “You need to calm down.” You tried keeping your voice lower to act as if you were calmer than you were.<br/>
 <br/>
“How could I calm down when, when,” he stammers over his words, “when you have to leave.”  His voice cracks and his eyes lose the tinge of gold left, tears reflecting the surroundings as they fell down his dirt-covered face.<br/>
 <br/>
You push yourself off the ground, trying to ignore the pain that was radiating up your back, but the pain was too much – you felt yourself lose your balance but before you could hit the ground Ben had used the Force to place you back down safely. <br/>
 <br/>
“What’s wrong?” His eyes were focused on you as you tried to even out your expression. <br/>
 <br/>
The pain was severe but telling Ben was not something you wanted to do; knowing it could possibly cause him to spiral out of control yet again. <br/>
 <br/>
“I’m fine.” You say through gritted teeth as you try and push yourself back upright, “Are you okay?”<br/>
 <br/>
You watched Ben struggle to stand up, blood staining his shirt with each drip. As he stood up, he shifted towards you and reached out his hand. “I’m sorry.” <br/>
 <br/>
Staring at his hand, you lift up to grab it, wincing in pain as Ben lifts you up. He watches you intently. <br/>
 <br/>
“Here.” He reached past you placing his hand around your back and lifting you up off the ground. He wrapped your legs around his waist as he kept you balanced, you placed your head in the crook of his neck.<br/>
 <br/>
He immediately turned towards his door; as he did, you looked around noticing the students still watching the two of you intently as you went inside. Ben was struggling to walk normally, especially with the weight of you added to his stride.<br/>
 <br/>
Placing you onto the bed gently, Ben looked at you with gentle eyes, “I’ll be right back.” and you watched as limped out of the hut.<br/>
 <br/>
You laid back onto the bed, enjoying the softness of the mattress below you. You let yourself close your eyes, taking in all the things that have happened over the past few hours.<br/>
 <br/>
The thought of packing up your belongings – the few things that you owned – made you begin to cry. <br/>
 <br/>
In the midst of you crying to yourself, you heard Ben shuffle himself back into the hut. You open your eyes and wipe away the tears that were falling down your face to notice Ben carrying a metal tin.<br/>
 <br/>
“What is that?” you wipe your eyes dry and try to shuffle yourself upright in the bed.<br/>
 <br/>
“First-aid kit.” Ben sits beside you and opens the container. He pulled out some antiseptic wipes and tore open the package. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him.” <br/>
 <br/>
Ben kept his eyes on the cuts that stretched across the back of your arms. You hadn’t realized it but you had covered the sheets in your blood as you laid there. He kept his touch gentle as he took the wipe and grazed it across the cut, causing you to grimace in pain as the antiseptic came in contact. <br/>
 <br/>
“Ben, it isn’t your fault.” Ben moved on to cleaning up the cuts on the back of your neck, you could tell those were deeper as the majority of your pain was radiating from your back.<br/>
 <br/>
“Ben, it really isn’t your fault.” You can feel him tense up at your words.<br/>
 <br/>
“You look like this,” he gestured to your various cuts and bruises, “and the person who did it is untouchable to me. I promised you I would keep you safe, and yet here you are – hurt – because I couldn’t do anything.”<br/>
 <br/>
You pushed back against Ben so you could get a good look at him. You stared at him in shock noticing that he was just as beat up as you, if not more so. The blood on his shirt had dried, and the cut on the back of his head was still bleeding slowly. He had scrapes all over his arms, yet dirt covered most of them. <br/>
 <br/>
“You tried.” You grabbed Ben’s hand off of your face and held it tightly, “Look at yourself, if you didn't try you wouldn’t look like this.”<br/>
 <br/>
His eyes caught yours and both of you kept eye contact for what felt like minutes. Every moment the two of you had spent together was reeling through your mind; though you guys had only known each other for a few months, the fact that it was about to all be ripped away from you felt as though your entire life was being ripped away.<br/>
 <br/>
“I need to go pack my stuff soon.” Though you never want this moment to end you know you only have a few more hours until you have to leave.<br/>
 <br/>
Ben shifts himself off the bed, reaching his hand out to help you get up, “Let’s get this over with.” <br/>
 <br/>
You both slowly make your way to your hut in the dark, thankfully there weren’t a slew of students waiting for you when you exited. <br/>
 <br/>
Entering your hut causes you to feel a whirlwind of emotions. This is the last time you’re going to see it, a place that finally felt like a home – gone in just a few hours. <br/>
 <br/>
You grabbed your satchel and started shoving clothes into it; you still only had a few outfits so it didn’t take long for you to get packed up. Looking around to see if you had missed anything, you see the book Ben had given you sitting on your nightstand. <br/>
 <br/>
“I guess this belongs to you.” You grab it off the stand and hand it to Ben.<br/>
 <br/>
Ben never reaches his hand out, keeping his eyes on the ground, “No, you keep it.” <br/>
 <br/>
“Ben, I can’t keep this – I know how much it means to you.”  You try and place it in his lap.<br/>
 <br/>
Ben stops you, “Yeah, but you mean more.” He shifts his gaze to you, you can see the dampness around his eyes. You decide it probably best not to argue with him about it, so you place the book in your satchel. <br/>
 <br/>
“I’m all packed.” You throw the satchel around your shoulder.<br/>
 <br/>
“You aren’t leaving yet, right?” Ben’s voice sounded strained, as if he was holding back tears.<br/>
 <br/>
“No. I was hoping to get a few hours of sleep. Your hut?” You smiled at him, knowing you wanted nothing more in that moment than to be wrapped up in his arms under his blanket.<br/>
 <br/>
He gave you a nod and a slight smile, “Yeah, my hut,” He stands up and wraps his arms around you, still covered in dirt and blood, but you didn’t mind.  “Let’s go.” He let go of you and opened the door. You turned back to get one last look at your hut, your chest aches with sadness knowing that you had ruined yet another home. <br/>
 <br/>
The door closed slowly behind you, and you both walked silently to Ben’s hut. <br/>
 <br/>
As you got in, you threw your satchel on the ground and laid down on his bed, Ben watching you as he took off his shoes. <br/>
 <br/>
He walked himself over to his nightstand and pulled out a pair of pajamas, “I’m going to change here if that is okay with you? I just don’t feel like walking much more.” <br/>
 <br/>
You nod your head, knowing that he had to have been in pain. <br/>
 <br/>
His body glistened under the moonlight peeking through the bricks. You watched him take off his shirt and then slowly maneuver his pants off. He faced away from you, as you were certain he was likely blushing. You weren’t too certain yourself that you weren’t also blushing. It’s as if Ben could feel you staring at him, he glanced over his shoulder making eye contact with you, he’s cheeks reddening. <br/>
 <br/>
“Are you enjoying what you see?” He smirks as he pulls his pajama pants on. <br/>
 <br/>
“I mean; I don’t mind it.” You blush. <br/>
 <br/>
He leaves his shirt on the ground, and joins you in bed. “Is it okay if I sleep without a shirt on tonight?” his voice was so soft and innocent; implying nothing.<br/>
 <br/>
“Of course.”  He lays back onto the mattress and you lay on his chest, listening to each beat of his heart. <br/>
 <br/>
You feel his lips touch the top of your head and you instantly feel the tears pooling on the sides of your eyes.<br/>
 <br/>
“I don’t want to leave you.” You say between tears, taking in a sharp inhale. <br/>
 <br/>
His hand rests on your face, rubbing it softly, “I’ll join you. Wherever you are – whatever you’re doing – I’ll join you once I’m finished here.” <br/>
 <br/>
You dig your head into his chest, “Promise?” You sounded pathetic, practically begging him for affection. <br/>
 <br/>
“I promise.” He pulls your hand up and gives it a gentle kiss. <br/>
 <br/>
The room was very dark as Ben never lit the lamp, but you studied the room hoping to forever remember this place. <br/>
 <br/>
Each brick was colored a bit different – ranging from light grey to varying shades of red. Ben’s oil lamp was dark on one side from it being constantly burned when he was igniting it. There was an immense amount of dirt covering the floor from the wind pushing it in, the only bare spots were where the two of you walked most frequently – which was essentially just a path to his bed. Your book of poetry laid beside the bed on the nightstand; Ben had placed a note on the cover ranking each poem. The bed was too short for Ben; his feet would hang off if he laid straight – but its rugged wooden edges prevented him from dangling them off. <br/>
 <br/>
You glanced at Ben’s chest, also wanting to take him in, his chest was decorated with freckles and moles. They were sporadically placed, yet they all made sense when seen as a whole. Something about them made you want to play connect-the-dots. You traced your finger along them as if you were playing, but Ben never moved. Lifting yourself off of his chest, you peeked over at him and noticed he was completely asleep. <br/>
 <br/>
This gave you the opportunity to take the rest of him in. The way his nose took up the majority of his face, but somehow it made sense on him. His ears that were peeking out through his hair – you knew their size made him self-conscious, but they were absolutely adorable on his frame. The moles and freckles on his chest were nothing compared to them on his face. You paid attention to their exact location – hoping if you never saw him again, at least you would remember what he looked like. Then you took in his hair – that beautifully black hair of his. It sculpted his cheekbones and jawline, but at the same time looked like the deepest part of the ocean. You could get lost staring into his hair, and you do for a few moments.<br/>
 <br/>
You lay yourself back down onto Ben’s bare chest. Feeling the chaos of the day catch up to you, you allow yourself one last look around the hut and you shut your eyes. Listening to Ben’s breath you slowly drift into slumber.<br/>
 <br/>
 </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p> <br/>
The countless nights spent waiting for your father to come in and hurt you taught you to be a light sleeper. Even the tiniest bump in the night would startle you awake – preparing yourself for some type of danger.<br/>
 <br/>
You heard it – the noise of the door to Ben’s hut opening – whoever it was, was trying to stay quiet, but they were being just loud enough for you to wake up. <br/>
 <br/>
You could immediately feel your chest tighten and your heart rate speed up. Pressing your eyes closed tighter, you were hoping the sound would disappear and that this was all just a dream. <br/>
 <br/>
The sound of steps getting closer to the bed made you grow more and more aware of your surroundings. The sound of rustling fabrics, and then a more distinctive sound – the sound of metal on metal. <br/>
 <br/>
You shifted upright in the bed and made eye contact with the person in the hut.<br/>
 <br/>
“Luke?” you questioned as he ignited his lightsaber, the room being filled with green light. His eyes rimmed with gold. <br/>
 <br/>
The sound of the saber igniting made Ben rustle in the bed, but he didn’t wake up. <br/>
 <br/>
“Ben!” you screamed as you shook him awake, keeping your eyes on Luke to ensure he wasn’t going to strike. <br/>
 <br/>
As Ben opened his eyes you could see the fear spread across his face. He immediately reached out to his nightstand, using the Force to pull the saber into his hand, knocking over his calligraphy set and your book of poems. Wasting no time, he ignites his saber and clashes it with Luke’s as he pushes his towards the two of you. <br/>
 <br/>
Time seems to stop around you as you become hyper aware of what is going on: Luke is trying to kill the both of you.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So as you can tell there is some tension happening - and some tension that will continue happening in the next bit because Reader and Ben just can't stay out of trouble.</p><p>I hope you all are having such a terrific day/week/month/year!</p><p>Also - as always feel free to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CONTENT WARNING: This chapter is pretty heavy with mentions of death; so if you are sensitive to this topic I would highly suggest reading with caution or possibly skipping this chapter all together.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>Trying to reach out for your saber, but to no avail you reach out your hand – grasping at the air around Luke. You watch the terror in his eyes as he realizes what you’re doing.</p><p><i>“Hold on to me.”</i> Ben’s gates were down and you were gripping onto his arm. The fear radiating off of him was causing you to begin to panic. </p><p>“Ben, no!” Luke screams as he watches Ben grasp your arm, the golden rim in his eyes disappearing. The two of their lightsabers were crashing into each other harder, each of them trying to overpower the other.</p><p>The hut around you splinters into what seems like thousands of shards; squeezing your eyes closed hoping that nothing gets into them.</p><p>As everything collapses over the three of you, you keep your grip tight across Ben’s arm and you can feel his hand squeeze you gently on your thigh.</p><p>You can feel the panic in him growing as he feels you using the force to keep the rubble off of the two of you.</p><p>“Ben, you have to calm down.” You don’t take your eyes off the shrapnel as you slowly pull it towards the two of you, placing it gently on the ground around you but not letting a piece hit either of you. You can no longer sense Luke’s presence, but you can’t imagine that he was dead – not that easily at least. </p><p>Looking over at Ben, you can see it in his eyes that he is having a major panic attack. His eyes were dampened with tears, and his whole body was trembling on the bed. “Hey,” you place your hand under his chin to pull him up to you, “it’s okay. But we have to leave, right now.” </p><p>His voice was broken and shallow, “Ok.” </p><p>Pulling him off of his bed, the two of you pushed your way through the remnants of his hut. This hut that had grown to be a home of yours; you felt comfortable there, and more importantly the person who cared for you the most resided there for the majority of his life. With each step you took you tried to imagine what piece of the hut you stepped on. This was yet another home you had pulled down in anger and fear and you didn’t know if you could ever bear to have another. </p><p>Looking over at Ben, you tried to imagine a future with him – a home with him – and you couldn’t. There was nothing that made you feel that you could have a home that wouldn’t go down in ruins because of you – even with Ben. </p><p>You could feel the darkness overtaking you as the two of you finally made your way completely out of the hut. The temple shined brightly in the distance and you watched as several students came out of their huts to see what all the ruckus was. </p><p>“Why?” Ben was screaming, tears were falling down his face – he kept his gaze at the temple. </p><p>Nothing could make you comprehend why Luke would try and kill his nephew. Staring at Ben, you could feel the darkness latching on to the last bit of light left in you; it was obvious that Ben was overtaken by his emotions as he never acknowledged the darkness encircling the two of you. </p><p>“Why?” Ben screamed again, this time pointing his saber towards the temple. Students gawked in fear thinking not only that he was going to harm them but that he had also just killed their Master.</p><p>Every ounce of your body was tingling in anger; your home is gone – not because of you but because of Luke. This temple, all of these students, they didn’t understand what it was like to be you and Ben – to have darkness nipping at your ankles with every decision you made.</p><p>“Why did you do it?” his eyes were broken – you could tell he wasn’t speaking to the temple itself, he was speaking to Luke. The person who raised him had just attempted to kill him moments earlier, and Ben was completely broken. </p><p>Looking at him, you knew there was no putting the pieces back together this time. This wasn’t like learning his grandfather was Darth Vader, this was a complete betrayal.</p><p>You could feel yourself losing consciousness; the darkness was making a void in your mind, blocking out any thoughts or rational decisions you had left. The last thing you saw was a tremendous amount of smoke encasing the temple and then your vision went completely black.</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>Opening your eyes, you notice yourself on the ground, and Ben only an arm’s reach away. When you start to look around moments start to come back to you. The temple was engulfed in flames and there wasn’t a hut left untouched. You started to push yourself up off the ground when you noticed that Ben had yet to move, but looking around you noticed that most of the students weren’t moving.</p><p>Breathing became harder with each passing second; the smoke was thick, and the panic from the realization of the chaos that you had created made it nearly impossible to think straight.</p><p>“Ben!” You bent down beside him, shaking his shoulders, “Please, please wake up.” </p><p>The tears were falling down your face and hitting the ground below you as you continued to shake Ben. You couldn’t pull your gaze from him regardless of the countless screams of agony happening all around you.</p><p>His face was battered with various cuts and bruises from the past day; but how many of those were from you?</p><p>“Ben, please I need you to wake up.” You leaned down, placing a soft kiss just above the cut on his brow bone.</p><p>You felt him take in a sharp inhale and watched as his eyes darted open.</p><p>“Ben!” You screamed as you placed your lips fervently on his head. He grimaced as he pushed you off of him and looked around.</p><p>“What happened?” His voice was quiet but stern. You watched as his eyes moved around the temple taking in all the ruins. A scream for ‘help’ coming from the distance made him grimace. </p><p>As you watched his face, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that you had done it – but you knew you couldn’t keep it from him, not forever.</p><p>“(y/n), what happened?” his voice was intense this time, making you flinch in fear of him hitting you. </p><p>“Ben, I— “ </p><p>“What happened?” he gripped your shirt, abruptly pulling you towards him.</p><p>“I, Ben, it just, it took over me. I don’t know what happened. But,” you found yourself coughing from all the smoke.</p><p>“But what (y/n)?” his grip on your shirt got tighter, his glare more intense.</p><p>“I think it was me.” </p><p>Ben immediately let go of you, pushing you off of him, almost causing you to fall over.</p><p>Ben’s eyes landed on a young student laid atop the remnants of their hut. It was obvious that they were no longer breathing – you weren’t sure if any of the students were still breathing.</p><p>“I didn’t want this.” Ben walked over to the young girl, a tear began to fall down the right side of his face as he pushed the hair away from the girl's face.</p><p>“You did this.” Ben turned to look at you, his face was red and tears were falling freely. </p><p>“Ben, I didn’t – “ </p><p>“Why?” he was reaching out his hand, and you could feel the force pulling you to him. “Look at her? Did she deserve death just because you were upset?” Ben was yelling at you, and you didn’t blame him; you looked around and wondered just how many people you had killed – and for what?</p><p>“It just happened Ben, and I don’t know.” You couldn’t bring your eyes off of this girl’s body. She was at most twelve, and now she was dead. She would never get to experience life because of you.</p><p>“I ruin everything, Ben, everything.” You snapped your head in his direction, “At this point, you should know that.”</p><p>The flames had only grown stronger around the two of you – at this point you weren’t even sure if you were going to make it out of there alive; you weren’t sure if you deserved to. </p><p>“He attacked you Ben. He tried to kill both of us in our sleep. The darkness it just overtook me, I blacked out, and when I came to we were both on the ground and everything was on fire.”</p><p>“Just get out of my way.” Ben pushed you to the side as he walked past you, pushing himself through the growing flames.</p><p>You watched as he disappeared into the darkness and left you to fend for yourself.</p><p>Walking slowly back over to the girl, you crouch down beside her taking in what you had done. </p><p>“I’m so sorry.” You notice a blanket underneath some of the rubble and pull it up, dusting it off before placing it over top of her body. </p><p>You vowed to yourself at that moment that you would never take another child’s life - regardless of what was at stake. Sitting beside her, you placed your head in your hands and began to cry. Tears were falling at a rapid pace, leaving small puddles in your hands. You couldn’t help but wonder if you were going to pass out from breathing in all of the smoke, and now you were having trouble breathing from how hard you were crying.</p><p>This was all your fault. The death of every student rested on your shoulders, and it was something that you knew you would live with for the rest of your life. You deserved to be left alone, to burn here with the rest of the temple, to die amongst your peers. The only hope you had was that Ben would make it out safely; even in your death, you wouldn’t be able to bear the thought that you are the reason Ben Solo is dead. </p><p>The darkness was a finicky thing; causing you so much power and passion, but also ruining everything in its path. There had to be a way to control it, to reap its benefits without mass destruction. Part of you wanted to find a path to learn, but you knew it was too late as you peeked up watching the flames grow closer and closer to your body. </p><p>You throw your head back and scream, exhaling the rest of your clean air, coughing, you place your head back into your hands. ‘You deserve this.’ You think to yourself when you finally come to terms that Ben isn’t coming back for you. You killed everything and everyone he has known for the majority of his life, and now you have to die too. </p><p>The sound of coughing echoed in the void behind you but you kept your head buried in the depths of your hands. </p><p>You felt two large hands slide under your arms, gripping you tightly and pulling you up. Instinctively you wrap your legs around the large body that you can only assume is Ben’s.<br/>“I don’t want to hear you say a word.” He said sternly as he pulled you tighter against his body. </p><p>You kept your head tucked into his shoulder for what seemed like a several mile hike. The hot flames would cause you to occasionally open your eyes and look at all the damage you had done. The tears continued to grow in ferocity as you saw all of the bodies that scattered amongst the rubble. </p><p>Finally, you heard Ben’s feet clash against something metal. A ship. A moment of relief came over you as you realized that both of you were safe; at least for the time being.</p><p>Once he got you into the ship, he placed you in the chair beside the dejarik table and you quickly realized that this was the same ship the two of you took earlier that day. There was something comforting about the fact that this ship had made it through all of the chaos and flames.</p><p>“I know you didn’t mean to do it.” He kept his gaze in front of him as he walked towards the command panels, “But, (y/n), what are we going to do now other than submit to the dark side?” </p><p>“Submit to the dark side?” You were confused as to how you would even do that. Other than the voice that the two of you occasionally heard, there was no connection that either of you had – no person you knew of. </p><p>“We could just go to your parents?” you said quietly, “Or it would probably be best if it was just you.” </p><p>“What am I going to do with you then?” Ben spun around immediately making eye contact, “Toss you in an escape pod and hope you make it on your own?” He scoffs. “You’re coming with me wherever I go.”</p><p>“Ben, it would just be easier if you let me go on my own. I destroy everything – I destroy my homes.” You could feel your voice crack under your emotions.</p><p>“I’ve already lost enough tonight; I’m not losing you too.” He turned back around, slamming his fist onto the accelerator as he placed himself into the chair.</p><p>The two of you sat in silence for several hours as you picked the various scraps of wood and stone off your body. Ben starred in front of him the entire time, murmuring to himself and pushing his hands through his hair.</p><p>You stand up and start walking over to the seat behind Ben’s, “Where are we going Ben?”</p><p>Ben looks back at you, you can tell he had been crying as his eyes were still damp and red, “I know a guy that I think can help us.” His voice was uncertain.</p><p>“Who could help us Ben?” You questioned.</p><p>“His name is Snoke.” Ben turned back around, tears falling down his face again, “He’ll know what to do.” This was said under his breath in submission.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, how is everyone feeling about the change in character with both of them? <br/>Reader and Ben just can't find themselves, and sadly it's messy!</p><p>I would love to connect with all of you guys on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope everyone is having a great day :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>Sitting behind Ben as he stared into the endless space in front of him with tears casually falling from his eyes, you rub your hands across his shoulders trying to calm him down.</p><p>Space was beautiful, and it wasn’t something you had much experience with other than the trip with Luke and then the birthday trips with Ben. The stars were endless; it was insane to you how vastly large everything was in comparison to the two of you and this ship. </p><p>The chaos that ensued hours earlier felt like a lifetime away when staring into space. But any moment that you let your mind wander, the memories of all the bodies on the ground would come back to flood your brain. You caught yourself crying several times, but you never pulled your hands away from Ben’s shoulders knowing that he needed the comfort more than you did. </p><p>“What is that?” Your eyes drifted from the back of Ben’s head to what you thought was another ship drifting in space. </p><p>“That,” Ben’s voice broke slightly, but he coughed to try and cover it up, “that is where we are meeting Snoke.”</p><p>The ship was like nothing you had ever seen; it was made out of what seemed to be hexagonal glass that formed into a sphere. You could see inside and notice that it was filled with plants; it was stunning. The sphere was then encased in several metal rings, you imagined that those are what kept it afloat. There were tree roots scattered amongst the metal rings, wrapping around them in various ways. </p><p>“Wow.” You couldn’t prevent yourself from gawking at how truly incredible it looked. Ben peered over his shoulder and gave you a slight smile; he knew how amazed you were by the various plants that you saw because of how little of the outside world you were allowed to see growing up.</p><p>As the ship grew closer to the ship a large opening appeared allowing Ben to fly the ship gently into the landing.</p><p>As you came to a stop Ben never moved; he kept his eyes on his hands, and he kept his hands gripped tightly on the control panel. You could see his knuckles turning white as tears started to fall down his cheek.</p><p>You stared at him in confusion, “What’s wrong?” </p><p>“Nothing.” Ben spit out as he pulled his hands up to his face wiping the tears that stained his cheeks. In one swift motion he pushed himself up off the chair and immediately made his way to the ramp without passing you a single glance.</p><p>As you made your way over to Ben it was hard not to shift your gaze into the ship as the ramp fell to the ground. The plants scattered thickly amongst the ground; tall green flowers nearly the height of Ben, various purple flowers popping through the greenery in some places. In the midst of all of the plants there was a small path that led to a large stone staircase, atop of it rested what looked to be a throne. </p><p>“Who is this Snoke?” You shifted your gaze to Ben after you noticed the throne; something about this place made you feel uneasy.</p><p>“That voice you hear inside of your head sometimes,” he turned to look at you, his eyes still red from the tears shed earlier, “it’s him.” </p><p>You felt your heart drop into your stomach. The voice that caused you to attack Ben that night in the tent – he couldn’t mean that voice; how could he help you? Immediately your heart started to race in your chest, the sound of it throbbing in your ears. </p><p>“Why?” You spit out, breathily. </p><p>“My boy.” A deep-raspy voice echoed throughout the ship.</p><p>The two of you shift your gaze to a man standing at the bottom of the stone staircase. He was dressed in green with brown accents. You couldn’t help but wonder if he dressed like that purposely to blend in with the plants that he had placed around the ship.</p><p>“And you must be (y/n).” He opened his arms, inviting the two of you to come closer.</p><p>Trying to pierce the walls of Ben’s mind, the gate was tightly shut off. He began to walk dejectedly towards Snoke; each step he took was slower than the last. You watched as Snoke watched him carefully, examining his every stride with his piercing blue eyes until he finally made it in front of him.<br/>
Snoke’s eyes shot to yours, inviting you to join the two of them – and there was nothing you could do but to join them. </p><p>As you walked you kept your eyes on the back of Ben’s head; you could see the slight tremor with every exhale. Why would he bring you here? You couldn’t help but question his motives; more importantly you couldn’t help but question if this submission to the dark side was your fault. </p><p>With each step you took the thought of turning around and leaving sounded more and more intriguing, however, you knew that you couldn’t leave Ben behind, not after all you had put him through.</p><p>You could feel your chest getting tighter; was this really what you wanted? To put yourself in the hands of the darkness – allowing it to have free reign of you? </p><p>“My child,” Snoke gestured to you as you closed in the distance, “come.” </p><p>You stepped in front of Ben and Snoke wrapped his thin arms around your body. You could feel yourself go limp in his arms – not knowing what exactly the next plan of action was. Ben was staring at you intensely; you could feel his glare even without facing him.</p><p>“I’m so glad the two of you came to me for help.” His arms slowly retreated from your shoulders. </p><p>As you turned around to stand next to Ben you could tell that the trembling with each breath had only gotten worse; trying to pierce through his gates again to comfort him yet he immediately shut you out.</p><p>“I’m quite impressed with you (y/n).” Snoke was letting a slight smirk spread across his face as you turned back around to face him. “That was quite a show you put on back there.”</p><p>You could feel the breath leave your body; not only was Snoke not phased at the fact that you had killed so many innocent people, but he was also enticed by it.  </p><p>“With no training you not only took down your entire village but you took down an entire temple of Jedi in training.” You could feel Ben tense up beside you, “That’s no easy feat my child, yet here you stand – unscathed.” </p><p>“My boy, where were you when all of this was happening?” Snoke’s gaze shifted to Ben, who was shaking as tears fell down his eyes. “I did not choose you so you could be weak Ben Solo. I chose you so you could flourish under me, yet here you stand – battered and bruised allowing her to do all of the dirty work for you.” Snoke scoffed, “How weak you truly are.”</p><p>You could feel the anger prickling your skin with every word Snoke spoke to Ben, as he tore him down with his choice in vocabulary. Your fists met your thighs, digging your fingers deeply into them to keep yourself from lashing out.<br/>
“I tried my best, Master.” Ben’s voice didn’t sound anything like him; it was broken, soft, raspy – it wasn’t Ben’s.</p><p>‘Master’, you felt yourself flinch as the realization hit you that this man, Snoke, was going to be your new Master. Immediately you felt nauseous; as if your body was not in control of itself you felt yourself start trembling.</p><p><i>“Calm down.”</i> You immediately feel chills run up your spine at the sound of Ben’s voice in your mind; this wasn’t the disheveled voice that was spoken to Snoke moments earlier, this was the strong Ben voice that you knew all too well. </p><p><i>“Ben, I’m so sorry.”</i> His gates were open and you were going to talk to him as long as you could.</p><p>“Well boy, your best isn’t good enough – not even remotely.” Snoke placed his gaze back on you. “Your best though is far superior to anything I could’ve hoped for.”</p><p>You could feel yourself shudder in the realization of how truly proud he was of you.</p><p><i>“I don’t want your apologies.” </i>Ben’s voice was sharp and you caught his eyes shifted over to you.</p><p>The tone of his voice left little to imagine as you tried to figure out how upset he was with you. The tears that threatened to fall moments earlier were now falling down your face.</p><p>“Master, I am proud to serve you and no one else.” Ben began to kneel onto the ground in front of Snoke, where he watched proudly.</p><p>
  <i>“Ben, please. I- “ </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I said I don’t want your apologies.”</i>
</p><p>“Good.” Snoke walked over and placed his hand on Ben’s shoulder, “Maybe the two of you would enjoy a walk with me. We can discuss the future.” Snoke placed his other hand on your shoulder, completely ignoring the tears that continued to fall.</p><p><i>“Then why am I here Ben? Why did you save me?” </i> You began to follow in Snoke’s stride, Ben following behind you.</p><p>“The two of you are welcome to join me, learning the ways of the dark side under me; if that is what you want.” Snoke’s voice was soothing compared to the harshness of Ben’s.</p><p><i>“I couldn’t let you die – I had lost enough for the night don’t you think?” </i> You could hear the moment that Ben had started to cry.</p><p>“And if we prefer a different form of training?” Ben’s voice was a bit stronger in this statement.</p><p><i>“Yes, but Ben – I don’t remember any of it.” </i>You tried to make your voice stronger-more convincing. </p><p>“What were you thinking of, Ben?” Snoke stopped on the path and turned to the two of us.</p><p><i>“Does that change anything? It was still you – you killed all of them, and for what?” </i> You could hear him becoming tenser with each word. </p><p>“I’ve been thinking about the Knights of Ren.” As the words came out of Ben’s mouth, a slight smile began to spread across Snoke’s face.</p><p>
  <i>“No, it doesn’t change anything Ben – but Ben I still lov-“</i>
</p><p><i>“Don’t even dare say that. How could you love me when you ruined everything I ever knew.” </i> In an instant the gates around his mind go up.</p><p>“Oh,” Snoke scoffed, “the Knights of Ren. Interesting.” He lifted his boney hand to his face, stroking his chin in interest.</p><p>“I think we could learn a lot from them, Master.” Ben wiped away the remaining tears and straightened his posture; as if nothing ever happened.</p><p>Your brain couldn’t focus on the words coming from Ben’s mouth, let alone Snoke’s. After all of this, all of the things the two of you had been through, after everything you had told him – he’s done with you. He doesn’t even want to look at you, let alone want to hold a conversation with you.</p><p>“We, what a curious word you’re using Ben. I can sense what you’re feeling and I know you are only thinking of yourself.” Snoke shifts his focus to you. “Too bad Ben, the Knights will happily take (y/n) in without question. You, however, you’re going to have to work for it.”</p><p>Ben stared at Snoke, confused as to how exactly he was going to have to work for it.</p><p>“Maybe Ben Solo - maybe the Knights of Ren aren’t interested in you.” Snoke laughs.</p><p>“I hate that name.” Ben’s gaze shifted to the ground below him.</p><p>He hated his name; the name that flowed off of your tongue like the most beautiful word in existence, he hated it? You couldn’t help but look at him, trying to imagine any other name that would suit him as perfectly as Ben. Sweet, kind, strong - those were all things you thought of with the name Ben, and those could all be used as descriptors to describe him.</p><p>“What is your true name then my boy?” Snoke grabbed Ben and pulled him in closer.</p><p>His ‘true name’? His name is Ben and you can’t imagine calling him anything else.</p><p>“I’ve had this name thought of since I was a child, but it’s stupid.” Ben looked away, reeling in his past.</p><p>You couldn’t help but wonder why he had never told you all of this. But you realized that all of this reached further out than just his ‘true name’. You wondered what prevented him from telling you about Snoke. This man seemed to know everything about the two of you, mostly Ben, but somewhat you, and you had no clue who he was.</p><p>“The galaxy will hear that name and see you as who you are - <i>Kylo</i>.” Snoke emphasized the name at the end, making Ben flinch slightly – yet, you couldn’t help but notice the slight smirk spreading across his face.</p><p>‘Kylo’? Was this the name that Ben had thought of since he was a child? What did Snoke mean that, ‘The galaxy will hear that name’? You had so many questions, yet no one to answer them. You couldn’t help but look at Ben, really look at him. You notice the cuts all across his face, the blood that had dried up on various places of his body, the white shirt that he had thrown on in the ship that was now soaked in blood, more importantly, you notice the pain in his eyes, the pain in his expression. Was this what ‘Kylo’ looked like? Nothing but a boy in pain?</p><p>“I’m prepared for that, Master Snoke.” Ben turned and gave you a look of pain as if he didn’t know how to look at you anymore.</p><p>“When you find the Knights of Ren my boy, you must not fail. You will join the Knights of Ren, or you will die.” Snoke scoffed, glancing over towards you, “You must tell them of what happened tonight. They will not kill you my child – they will accept you with open arms.”</p><p>Snoke never looked back at the two of you as he turned around and began to walk towards a large door that you only could imagine leading to his quarters. </p><p>You turned to face Ben who was already shifting his eye contact to the ground. The tension in the air is so thick it is almost hard to breathe. The tears that were sitting softly on Ben’s tear ducts began to fall silently down his face. It hurt you to stand there in silence but you knew there was nothing you could do or say to make him feel better, or to want to love you again.</p><p>Ben sniffled in the remaining tears and straightened himself up, turning himself around without saying a single word to you.</p><p>You watched him slowly make his way along the path back to the ship. Trying to move your feet to follow along, you couldn’t make yourself. You were held back by the fear of rejection; the knowledge that Ben no longer wanted you. The path was dotted with various flowers so you tried to dissect them in your mind to calm down. If Snoke had created this ship, he had done an incredible job finding the oddest flowers you had ever seen.</p><p>Slowly but surely you felt yourself ease up to the idea of going back to the ship and confronting Ben – hoping he would at least talk to you, or acknowledge you.</p><p>The walk took forever as you kept imagining what exactly you were going to say to him; more importantly, what he was going to say to you. By the time you had reached the ramp you had decided that maybe it would be best if he didn’t talk to you.</p><p>Each step up the ramp felt like a lifetime; the metal ringing in your ears as your boot touched the surface.</p><p>As you entered the main area you noticed that Ben was sitting at the dejarik table, staring furiously at the game pieces. He had cleaned up while he was here alone, his damp hair still latching on to the edges of his face. He had also placed on a pair of sweatpants and a plain shirt.</p><p>“Ben?” You kept your voice soft and caring, hoping that he would let you talk.</p><p>His body language was immediately harshened as he turned around to face you, “Excuse you?” he spits out.</p><p>“Ben?” You say again, a bit louder, in case he misheard you the first time.</p><p>“You will never address me like that again, you will now address me as Kylo – do you understand?” His tone was back to that rich-deep voice that you had grown to love, only now there was an added severity to his tone that was never there before.</p><p>Kylo? You couldn’t bring yourself to say the name Kylo before tears began to rapidly fall down your face.</p><p>“Ben, I can’t do thi- “ </p><p>“What did I say (y/n)?” His tone was bitter; you could tell he no longer wanted to talk to you.</p><p>You couldn’t move your feet fast enough to get you into your sleeping quarters. Ben had given you the larger room on the trip over and you were happy to see that your stuff was still sitting on the bed untouched.</p><p>However, there was an object lying atop your pillowcase that immediately caught your attention. The closer you got, the more tears that began to fall down your face – as you sat onto the bed you watched as the tears made wet marks across your bedding.</p><p>Leaning forward you picked up the object from your pillowcase, “I thought I lost you.” You looked at the cover of the <i>Alderaanian Bedtime Stories</i>; your tears rolling off your face faster. </p><p>Recalling earlier events, you now realize that when Ben had left you with the young girl that he must’ve gone back to his hut to salvage this book; that his intention was to never leave you for death, that he was just going to salvage the one thing that meant the most to the both of you.</p><p>You clutched the book tightly against your chest as you slowly lost yourself in sorrow and slumber.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So the question becomes: How much of Ben is left after all of this?</p><p> </p><p>As always I love to connect with you guys on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi all! So this chapter changes perspectives; it's marked by being all italicized, but it starts with the sentence "“Ben!” I immediately woke up....". In that section as well there is some mention of death (in the paragraphs starting: "“(y/n), what happened?....”'  and "But, the images....".</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>The feeling of the ship accelerating back into space causes you to shuffle in bed, slowly wiping your eyes. Your eyes are crusted over from crying yourself to sleep the night before, and the book of bedtime stories was still clutched tightly against your chest.</p><p>You shifted yourself upright into the bed, looking down at the book – feeling tears threatening to fall down your face again. The ship was beginning to accelerate faster, and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were about to go into hyperspace.</p><p>Pushing yourself out of bed, you could bring yourself to let go of the book in your hands so you kept it against your chest as you slowly pushed yourself to go into the main area.</p><p>Sliding the door open, you noticed Ben sitting white-knuckled at the dajirk table – he had placed the ship into autopilot. The more you stared at him in the doorway, the more you noticed how disheveled he was; tears were still resting gently against his eyes, the dark circles around his eyes had gotten worse – as if he hadn’t slept at all the night before, he was sitting with his head resting gently against his hand with his eyes closed. You were careful not to make any noise, in hopes that he was finally sleeping.</p><p>“What are you doing?” As soon as you stepped through the doorway, Ben’s eyes shot open and met yours.</p><p>“Ben – I,” you watched as he gripped the edge of the table harder, grimacing at the name you had just called him. “Kylo, I – “</p><p>“Save it.” Ben snapped, turning his attention to the game pieces that laid in front of him.</p><p>You made your way slowly to the table, placing yourself down at the table in front of him and laying the book in front of you. You watched as Kylo’s eyes stared at the book, shifting his gaze away as you watched him grow uncomfortable at its sight.</p><p>“Did the chaos you cause make you forget how to listen, (y/n)?” his eyes met yours once more and you could see the fresh tears making their way down his cheek.</p><p>He pushed himself up from the table and walked back to the pilot’s seat.</p><p>You continued to sit at the table, pondering the game pieces in front of you. Even though Ben, or Kylo, or whatever he wanted to be called, was not even twenty feet from you, you couldn’t help but feel alone.</p><p>Memories from your childhood flooded back to you; all the moments you felt alone.</p><p>***</p><p>                       “Get over here Lyra!” You could hear your father's voice echo through the hallways of your empty house.</p><p>                       “You need to hide so he doesn’t take you too.” You stared at your sister in disbelief as she pushed you underneath the bed, pulling the blanket over the edges to ensure you couldn’t be seen.</p><p>                       As you sat there, the sound of your father’s footsteps became louder and louder, echoing through your head.</p><p>                       The door swung open and Lyra immediately began to scream. Under the small opening between the blanket and the floor you could see your sister’s feet being dragged through the bedroom floor; her feet slamming into the floor as she screamed and writhed in your father’s arms. </p><p>                       You remained under the bed as you heard the screams slowly disappear from your house. The feeling of dread is looming over you as you kept yourself under the bed, too afraid to leave.</p><p>                       As hours passed, you remained under the bed – too frightened to leave, in fear that your father would be standing waiting to take you next.</p><p>                       The nighttime came and there was never a sound that came. The fear that your father had sold your sister became more realistic by the second. </p><p>                       Tears overcame you the more you allowed yourself to think about your sister. You felt alone. Without her you would have no reason to be alive, no reason to keeping pushing through. Alone. </p><p>***</p><p>“(y/n)?” Ben was standing beside you as you opened your eyes, tears falling freely down your face with the image of your sister staying at the front of your mind. “Are you okay?” He knelt down beside you, his eyes tracing over your face.</p><p>“Why do you care?” you lifted your hands to your face, wiping the tears away as you shifted your gaze away from Ben.</p><p>“What do you mean why do I care (y/n)? I’m upset with you, but I don’t want to see you in pain.” He places his hand gently on your knee as you keep your gaze forward.</p><p>“Okay.” You say as you grab Ben’s hand and push it off.</p><p>“Do you think I want to see you suffering?” his voice was softer, he sounded more like Ben.</p><p>“It kind of seems like it; don’t you think?” you allow your eyes to shift back over to him and you notice his fingers digging into the tops of his thighs.</p><p>“I think that I’m upset with you, (y/n), rightfully so, but that doesn’t mean I just decided not to care about you anymore, that isn’t how this works.”</p><p>“Then tell me how <i>this</i> works?” You kept your eyes on his, but you could feel him dropping his gaze towards the ground.</p><p>“Well,” Ben digs his fingers deeper into his thighs, “I don’t quite know-how, but I want this to work; don’t you?”</p><p>You continued to stare at him, trying to find the words to express how you feel; how you feel alone but how you also understand that you deserve whatever he gives to you, that he means more to you than you could ever put into words but that you couldn’t imagine having a home with him in fear of destroying it, that you don’t even know how to hold a conversation with him anymore but you never want to sit in silence with him ever again.</p><p>Ben’s eyes watched you as you remained silent, trying to find the words to say to him. You could see the frustration in his eyes as he waited for you to form words, his fingers continuing to dig deeper into his thighs. </p><p>“Fine,” Ben stood up, grabbing the chair beside you and throwing it onto the ground, “don’t answer me then; I don’t have to care about you.” </p><p>You stare at him in fear as he shifts his body back towards you, glaring at you as if he hated you.</p><p>“Ben?” You stuttered out his name, watching as he walked towards you – stomping his foot with each step. </p><p>He gripped your wrist tightly, pulling you into him quickly. “What did I tell you about calling me that name?” </p><p>“Kylo.” You screeched in pain as his grip became tighter around your wrists, looking down you can see the redness starting to spread.</p><p>“That’s how you’ll address me from now on; in your head or out loud. You know I can reach into your mind, and I’ll know if you mess up.”</p><p>“Whatever.” You spit out. Focusing your energy into your hands, you pull your wrist from his grip quicker than he can latch back on.</p><p>You push yourself back, starting to run towards your quarters where you can be safe when you feel the grip of the Force grabbing onto your abdomen, pulling you quickly towards Kylo’s body.  </p><p>“Kylo! Stop!” You push yourself against his Force, writhing in pain from its grip around your body.</p><p>“Please, leave me alone.” You scream again, pushing harder until you can feel the force weaken around you, until you feel your feet hit the ground.</p><p>You can immediately feel the darkness overcoming you, anger prickling every inch of your skin. As the power came over you, you felt yourself shift – turning towards him; a fight for dominance resting in the air.</p><p>Slowly you place one foot in front of another, walking towards him wanting to prove to him that he couldn’t walk all over you without consequence. </p><p>“Kylo.” You stopped in front of him, his eyes watching you with each movement you took. </p><p>He glances down and notices your hands balled into fists. “What do you think you’re doing.” He spits out.</p><p> You let the darkness overtake you, using the force to hold Kylo in place – preventing him from moving away from you.</p><p>“Do you think you can just do whatever you want to me now?” You stare at him as he tries to wiggle himself free of your grip on him. “You know how I feel about you using the force on me, and you should know I don’t like being talked to or treated like this either.”</p><p>He continued to stare at you, trying to pull his arms from his sides as you continued to keep them tightly against him.</p><p>“I didn’t answer you because I was trying to figure out what to say to you.” You took another step towards him, “I care about you, I want to talk to you, I want to love you – but Be…” you pause remembering the threat, “Kylo, you’re making it really hard.” </p><p>“I’m making it hard?” he laughs, “You ruined everything I’ve ever known, and now what (y/n)? Now, we are nothing but puppets to the dark side.” </p><p>“I didn’t choose that – you did. I suggested that you go to your parents and leave me behind.” You take another step towards him.</p><p>“And lose you too? (y/n) I don’t feel like you’ve been listening to a word I’ve said.” His voice was pained.</p><p>You felt the anger overtake your body; he was saying that you weren’t listening to him but you heard every word he had said to you, you had heard him try and bring you down with every sentence he had said to you since you woke up. </p><p>With one more step you closed the distance between you and Kylo and without much thought you pulled your hand back and swiftly hit him with more power than you knew you had; you could feel Kylo almost fall over as you kept him upright with the force. </p><p>He stared at you in anger, his face reddening where your hand had just left.</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” Kylo’s voice was getting tenser; holding him with the force was becoming harder with each passing second. </p><p>“Please,” you could feel him slipping from your grip, his anger was pulsating off of him in waves, “Kylo – you don’t have to do this.”</p><p>The second he fell out of your hold you could feel the walls around your mind crashing in; as hard as you were trying, there was no keeping your gates closed – Kylo wanted in.</p><p>“Stop!” You found yourself on the ground and gripping your head as the pain became overbearing.</p><p><i>“Disrespect me again and this will only get worse.”</i> Though his voice was strong you couldn’t help but notice the slight break in his voice as he tells you it’ll get worse.</p><p>The feeling of him tearing down your walls felt like he was personally knocking every inch of your head with a sledgehammer; breaking everything threatening his path.</p><p>Every time he dug a bit deeper into your mind you could feel yourself losing consciousness; but you couldn’t let him win – he needed to understand that you weren’t going to give in to his power that easily.</p><p>“Kylo, please – I, I-” you tried to steady your voice. “I can’t take much more.”</p><p><i>“Then we can change it up.”</i> You could hear the slyness in his voice; immediately you felt your vision drifting.</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ben!” I immediately woke up; the sound of her voice was enough to send me into a panic, but the sight of Luke igniting his saber above us made my mind go blank – he was trying to kill us.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I reached my hand outwards towards my saber, pulling it in with no caution to the objects around it, the sound of it igniting and clashing with my uncles will be a sound that I will replay in my head for the rest of my life.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I knew that (y/n) was beside me, but my attention had been on Luke since my eyes opened. “Hold on to me” Her voice echoed throughout my head, and the feeling of her hands wrapping around my arm sent a wave of comfort. I didn’t dare pull my attention from him, but I could feel the force radiating off of her; consuming each breath I took.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ben, no!” Luke’s face went from something of anger and power, to immediately shifting to fear. I couldn’t help but look over at her just in time to watch the entire hut fall around the three of us.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Her hand continued to squeeze my arm and as I watched my home fall in ruins around us I couldn’t help but place my hand on her thigh – squeezing it just enough to tell her that I was still with her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>As soon as the roof was gone and the sky was visible, I could no longer find the space to breathe. I’ve lived in this hut for over ten years, and just like that – in the tiny hands of hers – it’s gone. The panic was growing at an unbearable rate – I couldn’t breathe, and my heart was plummeting out of my chest.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ben, you have to calm down.” Her voice was as soft as velvet and why was that? Did she not realize what she had done? Luke’s presence was gone – but he wasn’t dead; I never felt him leave. How could she be this calm with everything that had happened?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Laying in the bed and watching the rubble of my home fall around me, tears threatened to make an appearance. I was shaking slightly, and I knew that she could feel it. When her eyes met mine I felt my breath hitch in my chest; I loved her, but right now I didn’t feel safe around her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Her soft, small hands gently grazed my chin, pulling me up ever so slightly so that I didn’t have the choice but to look at her. “Hey, it’s okay. But we have to leave, right now.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Ok.” My voice surprised me; it didn’t sound like the usual me – it sounded broken, shallow, and lonely.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The next bit was a blur as (y/n) pulled me out of the hut and through the rubble of my home. The anger radiating off of her was intoxicating, but there was enough destruction and I couldn’t convince myself that it was necessary to let it consume me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Staring forward at the temple, I couldn’t help but think of Luke. Though we never saw things the same, he had raised me since I was a child; I loved him, even though now I’m unsure if I should’ve. Maybe letting my guard down on him was the exact reason he decided it was time to kill me? Maybe, this has been his plan since I first arrived at the temple – to kill me as soon as I found happiness.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Why? Why? Why did you do it?” I ignited my lightsaber and pointed at the temple; oblivious to the students who had made their way out of their huts to see what the commotion was about. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and they were falling freely down my cheeks; spreading their warm sadness at every point they touched.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>For a moment her intoxicating presence disappeared, but before I could even turn myself around to find her – her screams began to echo through the temple. Looking forward, a large cloud of smoke began overtaking the temple; as her screams got louder, the more the smoke began to engulf the area.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“(y/n)!” I turned around to find her on her knees, her eyes closed and her screams growing louder and more intense with every passing second.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The more I yelled her name, the more I realized that she couldn’t hear me. As soon as I crouched in front of her, she outstretched her hand and screamed louder than she had before. Her beautiful face covered in dust and ash; but as her eyes shot open, the breath that was being held inside escaped as I noticed how golden her eyes were – she was gone.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Before I was able to try and reach into her mind to calm her down, the sound of screams immediately shifted my attention back towards the temple. As soon as my gaze shifted over, the sound of an explosion echoed through the area before I saw it. I tried to brace myself; but as soon as the blast made it to me – I was thrown from the ground, and I didn’t know how far I had gone, but nothing prepared me for the pain that overcame my body as soon as I touched the ground. I felt the breath leave my chest and my eyes immediately got heavy – shutting without warning. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>------------</i>
</p><p>  
    <i>The feeling of her lips gently touching my brow bone was enough for me to find the will to open my eyes, the inhale I took caused every inch of my lungs to radiate in pain.</i>
</p><p>
   <i>“Ben!” her voice caused my head to radiate in pain with how shrill it was. Her lips placed kisses all across my forehead – and though that should’ve made me do nothing more than to wrap her into my arms, I couldn’t ignore the pain that cascaded through my body, nor the smoke that was getting thicker with each passing moment.</i>
</p><p>
    <i>“What happened?” I pushed her off and began taking in the sight around me; the destruction of my home was nothing compared to the destruction that laid in front of me. The screams of students pleading for help echoed.</i>
</p><p>
     <i>“(y/n), what happened?” I couldn’t bring my attention to her. How could she have caused all of this? My line of sight kept being caught by the countless dead bodies that were scattered on the ground; all of them covered in mud and ash – fire coming in closer, threatening to take their bodies with it.</i>
</p><p>
     <i>“Ben, I-” her voice was scared, but that was nothing compared to what I thought she should be feeling.</i>
 </p><p>  
    <i>I turned to face her, and the sight of how disheveled she was made me want to submit right there; to tell her that everything was going to be okay, that I was going to love her through all the chaos and pain – but I couldn’t. As much as I loved her, the pain of her destruction wouldn’t allow me to go easy on her.</i>
 </p><p>
   <i>I gripped her shirt and pulled her into me, “What happened?” </i>
</p><p>
     <i>I wanted to pull her in closer, to wrap my arms around her and take her somewhere safe – to take her somewhere that no one would ever cause her to reach this point again – to feel so much anguish that she reacts this much.</i>
</p><p>
    <i>But, the images of the students that I had spent my entire life with, scattered around the ground – dead – wouldn’t allow me to treat her with kindness. I wanted her to feel the pain I was feeling; I wanted her to know how much this place meant to me – even if I was treated terribly by everyone; it was home – and at her hands, it’s gone.</i>
 </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>The overwhelming feeling of sadness was radiating through your chest as you began to find your vision. </p><p>“Kylo.” your voice was broken; you felt every ounce of pain and suffering that you had caused him. You wanted nothing more than to take it all back, to make him feel loved again; but how could you?</p><p>As soon as your eyes shifted up to meet him, you couldn’t help but be caught off guard as you noticed him crouched over his hands, shaking – crying. </p><p>“Now you know what you’ve done to me; please just leave me alone.” His voice sounded defeated - between every word was the sound of him trying to find his breath between his tears. </p><p>“I don’t want to leave you alone. Please, Ky-” You couldn’t find the words to finish as his hand outstretched and gripped yours tightly. </p><p>He slowly looked up from the palms of his hands, and as his line of sight met yours, you lost yourself. The cuts scattered across his face were collecting his tears as they fell. You had caused this; his pain, his loneliness, his suffering – this was you. </p><p>“I’ll leave you alone.” You tried to pull yourself up but Kylo’s grip remained tight around your wrist. As much as you wanted to turn and face him and wrap yourself around him, you couldn’t find the will to do it – looking at him made things worse. You pulled against him just a bit more before he finally gave in and let go of you. </p><p>“Wait.” Kylo’s voice echoed through the ship. Turning back around to face him, he was holding out the book of bedtime stories in your direction. As you reached out and placed it into your grip, his voice startled you. “Take it, please – I promise I’ll read it again to you one day.” His voice was soft, but you couldn’t help but notice the tears still falling down his cheeks. </p><p>His promise rang through your head as you gripped the book tightly against your chest, turning around to head back into your quarters. You found yourself losing grip on your emotions quickly; “I’ll read it again to you one day.” His voice continued to play through your mind. You wanted nothing more than for all of this to be over with, and for things to go back to normal – but you knew you didn’t deserve that; you weren’t even too sure that you deserved for him to ever read a story to you again.</p><p>As you laid yourself onto the bed the tears began to fall more rapidly – your breath is caught in your chest between each tear. </p><p>Looking down at the book, you immediately get caught off guard when you notice a note sticking up from one of the pages.</p><p>“What?” you couldn’t help but say under your breath.</p><p>Turning to the page, you felt the tears getting heavier when you notice that the story bookmarked was <i>“Appenza Peak”</i>. That first night of Ben reading you bedtime stories popped into your head; the amount of comfort the both of you felt in that moment was something that even looking back at that memory - was intoxicating. </p><p>Though you want to do nothing more than lose yourself in this story, you can’t help but shift your attention to the note sitting flush against the page.</p><p>
  <i>“This is only the beginning, (y/n). Things will only continue to grow more intense and our relationship will continue to get strained; especially now that we sealed our fate with darkness. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Just like in Appenza Peak, we will find our ways in the force – coming to life once more when we find our path. But, just like Thylinn, we can’t give up – regardless of how hard it will get – we have to fight for what we want; for me, that is you.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>-Ben”</i>
</p><p>Kylo’s handwriting was still just as beautiful as you remembered it. You gripped this note tightly against your chest, letting yourself fall back onto your pillow. Even through all of this – he wanted you. The tears were overwhelming you at this point, and you couldn’t help but bring the note up to your lips – placing a slight kiss on its words, as if the words were Kylo himself.</p><p>You continued to hold the note and cry silently to yourself – you couldn’t help but imagine Kylo was doing something similar just on the other side of the metal door. </p><p>An idea came into your mind, though you weren’t so sure if it was a smart idea – you couldn’t help but try.</p><p>As you reached out to him, you immediately realize his gates were down – so you pressed your way in.</p><p><i>“Kylo, I love you.”</i> You kept your gates down in hopes of hearing something, anything, back from him – but you were left in silence; you could now hear the sound of Kylo crying a bit harder coming from the other side of your door.</p><p>With a slight knock echoing through your quarters, your breath immediately left you. “Yes?” You tried to wipe away the tears so that he wouldn’t see you crying; but in the end you decided to leave them, knowing that he was in just as rough shape as you were.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, hopefully I'll get another chapter out this week - but I'm moving on Friday and so I'm going to be swamped with stuff to do, and then I'll have to get settled in and unpacked at my new place!</p><p>But as always feel free to reach out to me on <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HI!! </p><p>It's been sooooo long since I've updated O.O But here is finally an update after two long months! </p><p>I apologize to everyone who has been waiting for an update! Moving was a <b>process</b> and my husband and I have been super busy fixing up the house - but I finally had some time to sit down and wrap up this chapter :) </p><p>I hope you all have been good! And I hope you enjoy the chapter :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>“(y/n)?” Kylo pushed lightly on the door, his dampened eyes immediately finding yours causing what tears you were trying to hold back to immediately start falling.</p><p>“Why?” It was a question littered with tears as you gripped the note tightly in your hand, holding it out towards him. </p><p>“I-” His voice was soft – softer than you had heard it in what feels like weeks, “(y/n), I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Sorry for what Kylo?” you gripped the note tighter in your hand. You weren’t sure if you were more upset that he made you think he still cared for you or if you were more upset about how aggressive he had been. “Or should I still call you Ben?” you felt your voice crack as the tears became overpowering; the taste of salt caressing the inner corners of your mouth. </p><p>You wanted nothing more than for him to come over and lie in the bed with you, holding you tightly as the two of you continued to cry – but it wasn’t possible, not now. He was everything to you; the only person who ever held you on a pedestal, the only person whose glances made your heart skip a beat, the only person who could say nothing but everything with just a slight change in expression – and yet, he felt like a distant memory although he was standing less than ten feet in front of you.</p><p>“You’re still my everything, please, please believe me when I say that.” With those words leaving Kylo’s mouth he immediately lost all composure that he had; he sank onto the ground, the sounds of him crying echoing through the room, you watched as his hands began digging deeply into the tops of his thighs, he was shaking with every whimper leaving his jagged breath. “Fuck” you heard him mutter as his hands left his thighs and hit the floor with force; as he pulled his hands back to his thighs you could see his knuckles tinged slightly in blood. “Why does everything I love fall apart.” It wasn’t a question though as much as it was a statement. “What did I do to deserve any of this?” Kylo wasn’t talking to you; his eyes never opened and his voice was almost too quiet to make out, but with each statement, you watch the man you loved fall apart more and more in front of you. </p><p>Something inside of you told you to leave him alone, that it was no longer your place to help him. That thought immediately brought upon a fresh influx of tears. You couldn’t help but find yourself wondering what to do.</p><p>“Don’t you understand what I’m going through right now (y/n)?” He was still perched on the ground, but this time his eyes were looking right at you. “Losing everything at the hands of the one person who I care about the –” his composure cracked and he had to find his breath through the tears that began to fall furiously, “the most. And now here we both are – screaming and crying at each other, and what do we have to show for it (y/n)?” He looked at you as if he expected you to answer him, but your voice was lost in the pain of your heart as you watched him continue to fall apart. “We have joining Snoke to show for it.” His voice dropped softer, his hands immediately finding his eyes – trying to wipe away any evidence that he had been crying.</p><p>You spoke before thinking, “Be –” you caught yourself, “Kylo, I told you that you didn’t have to submit to him – your family would have taken you in.” </p><p>“Just please shut up about it already. You know there wasn’t any other way, so stop trying to make yourself feel better by thinking there was.” His tone was snarky, “You, we, murdered an entire group of up-and-coming Jedi; are you that dense to think that my parents – the Rebellion leaders – would want anything to do with me?” He started to slowly stand up, his legs still wobbling with emotion. “I only have you now (y/n), and I -” He took a stride towards the bed, “I can’t have you upset with me like this; I can’t lose anyone else, I just – I can’t.” His hand reached out to graze your face, but you immediately flinched at the sight of his hand moving towards you. The expression on Kylo’s face immediately becoming something of disbelief; here he had poured out every emotion that he had, and you couldn’t bring yourself to let him touch you.</p><p>He watched you carefully as he lowered himself slowly onto the bed beside you; your eyes never left his, watching to ensure he didn’t get any closer. You couldn’t figure out why, but after his use of the force on you yet again the act of him lifting his hand or getting close to you made you flinch in anticipation. You just waited to feel that grasping feeling around your abdomen. </p><p>“What do you want me to do?” His eyes were still damp in the corners, but he had brought himself to stop crying; now his attention was fully on you. “Please, tell me what to do to make this better.” </p><p>You found yourself not able to pull your attention from his weary eyes; how could he make it better? You felt like you had ruined every ounce of the Ben that you had once loved so dearly, but this man in front of you – this man who claims to be Kylo - you created him. How could he make it better? </p><p>“Tell me how to make it better.” His voice was more stern, his hand flush on your knee before you could even respond. The immediate reaction was to jump back but there wasn’t any escaping him this time.</p><p>“Kylo, I don’t know how you can make it better because I don’t think it’s your place to make it better.” You find yourself closing your eyes, uncomfortable with the intense eye contact as he listened to each word you said.</p><p>“Then, bean, where does that put us?” His hand gripped tighter around your knee. The sound of your innocent nickname echoing through your head. The feeling of hot tears beginning to fall again only began to annoy you; you felt like you had been crying for the past 48 hours without a break.</p><p>“I don’t know.” You shake your head, keeping your eyes tightly closed so you didn’t have to look at the disappointment on his face. “I want to love you, but things feel different now Kylo.”</p><p>“But we can get back to where we were, right?” His fingers began to stroke your knee gently, keeping his grip so you couldn’t move away from him.</p><p> </p><p>You stared back at him, unsure of what to do – or what to say back to him. You watched him carefully as his hand slid up from your knee and he placed it delicately on your shoulder. The feeling of fear returned, but you pushed it down hoping that he wouldn’t notice the tremble in your body when his hand moved. </p><p>His eyes watched you carefully as he placed his hand on your shoulder, as soon as he saw that you didn’t react to it, he slowly placed the other hand on your other shoulder and pulled you towards him. </p><p>You feel your body tremble in his embrace; the feeling of his warm chest against yours immediately causes tears to well in your eyes – these tears were different, they weren’t out of fear or hate – they were out of love and passion. </p><p>His hand moved cautiously, not wanting to provoke any more fear, slowly grazing your face and then grabbing the back of your head, softly pushing you towards him. You closed your eyes as his lips met your forehead.</p><p>“I don’t want to scare you (y/n) -- I want you to be with me always.” His hand tussled your hair as he kept his lips gently against the skin of your forehead. You could feel his breathing become more sporadic against you, then you notice the feeling of his tears falling against your face. </p><p>You allow yourself to fall more deeply into his embrace; completely losing yourself in emotion. His arms wrap against you tighter the harder you cry; one hand resting on the back of your head and the other on your back.</p><p>“That note -” he grabbed your hand which still gripped the note tightly, “I will fight for us; no one else. Every decision I make from now on, it’s for us. I will not lose you as I’ve already lost so many others.”</p><p>Pulling back from his embrace, your eyes meet his for the first time in what feels like a long time. You weren’t looking at this <i>Kylo </i>character you had created; you were looking at Ben – <i>your Ben</i>. </p><p>You grab his hand in yours, entangling your fingers together – you pull his hand up to your lips and place a delicate kiss on his bloodied knuckles. As you met his eyes once more you couldn’t help but notice how swollen his eyes were; he had been crying just as much as you had been. All you wanted to do was apologize repeatedly; you knew that this whole fiasco as your fault – you had been the one to kill everyone, even if it was by accident.</p><p>“Are we still going to the Knights?” Your voice was soft; you didn’t want to provoke him considering you both were still crying in each other’s arms.</p><p>He nodded his head slightly, “We have no choice but to continue on this path, (y/n). If we tried to escape Snoke would find us…” he drifted off for a moment, fresh tears appearing in the corners of his eyes, “and there’s no telling what he would do to you.” He immediately pulled you back into his embrace. </p><p>You could feel him shaking against you; he held onto you as though you were the only person in the galaxy. Kylo knew more of Snoke then you, and you were certain he was no less than terrified of him. </p><p>Kylo pushed you gently off of him and leaned over grabbing something off of your nightstand. You watched in shock as he turned back to face you; tears still falling graciously. </p><p>“When I told you earlier that I would eventually read to you from this again I never imagined that it would be so soon.” Kylo laid back against your headboard, patting the space between his legs so that you could lay against him. “<i>Appenza Peak</i>?” He questioned; his voice still fluctuating with emotion. He had already flipped the book open perfectly to that story. Without you answering him, he began to read it – his voice soft, the softest you had ever heard it; one hand holding the book open, the other resting in yours. </p><p>As much as you wanted to listen to him read the story that you had heard from him so many times prior, you couldn’t find yourself able to pay much attention. The image of Snoke flashing in your head, you couldn’t help but wonder what kind of terrible things this man was capable of. You only knew that all the dark thoughts that you had ever had were somehow connected to him and that was enough to make you scared. Could you and Kylo have a normal relationship if you were both under his control? Not even a relationship – could you have a normal life?</p><p>Your mind continued to drift; wandering if you even still wanted a relationship with Kylo. You could answer that quiet easily – you didn’t want a relationship to <i>Kylo</i>, you wanted a relationship with Ben. But did Ben still exist? Was there any returning to what the two of you had just days prior?</p><p>These thoughts caused you to cry harder, but Kylo didn’t stop reading – instead, his hands wrapped up in yours tighter – like he was hugging only your hand. </p><p>You stayed wrapped up in your thoughts until you had realized that he had stopped reading.</p><p>“Are you okay?” his thumb rubbed back and forth on your hand, trying to give you any means of comfort.</p><p>All you could manage was to nod your head back at him to try and give him some assurance. He knew you weren’t okay, neither of you were okay – and that’s where your relationship was. Both of you were broken; in a matter of twenty-four hours, your lives had gone from finally finding happiness and home within each other, to everything getting flipped on its back without any regards to the two of you. But – you were broken together, and that’s what you had to remind yourself. </p><p>He stood up quickly; lifting his arms over his head to allow himself to stretch, and then wiping his face dry from tears; you guessed he had continued to cry while reading as well. <br/>“I have to go back up front.” He leaned down, kissing your head softly and pulling the blanket over you as if to tuck you in. “We will be landing soon, but you should stay here and rest.”</p><p>Your mind began racing at the thought of confronting the so-called Knights of Ren. </p><p>You felt his breath against your ear, “Don’t worry (y/n), I’ll protect you.” He spoke with such certainty as if he could feel the panic that had begun about the altercation. </p><p>Watching him walk out the door, you found yourself wanting nothing more than for him to turn back around and crawl into the bed with you – he needed the rest just as much, if not more than you did. As his hand grazed the doorknob, he turned back – his mouth twisting into a smirk; a sight that caught you off guard. </p><p>“Only in this ship,” Kylo’s smirk grew into a smile; your heart began to race just at the sight of it. “can you call me Ben. Kylo is for everyone else; but Ben –” he stopped, turning back to the door, “Ben is for you.” His voice was softer, but you had still managed to hear him. </p><p>You watched him leave the door and you were struck with more emotion; Ben. <i>Ben</i> was yours and nothing could change that; Kylo was nothing but a façade for the darkness you were getting into. You began to cry; but this time out of hope, not out of sadness. You could only hope that things would eventually get back to <i>normal</i>, but you couldn’t help but wonder how long normal would take.</p><p>Gripping the book of bedtime stories, you rolled over onto your pillow; shutting your eyes almost immediately.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Soooooo - how is the visit with the Knights going to go? Anybody have any guesses? </p><p> </p><p>I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter - and hopefully the next chapter you won't have to wait so long for :)</p><p>If you guys wanna follow my <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter</a>, there's the link - I'll try and update it more frequently!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you like this chapter! </p><p>Please let me know if you do in the comments, I would greatly appreciate it. </p><p>I created a <a href="https://twitter.com/supremeleaderb3">Twitter!</a></p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25409842">Destiny's End</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyedExplorer/pseuds/StarryEyedExplorer">StarryEyedExplorer</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
</body>
</html>